Fall Off The Grid (adopted by twenty one pilots)

//fourteen - amongst the world you feared//

Tyler's POV

I sprinted to the bunks as I heard Lane scream and break into heart wrenching sobs. When I pulled the curtain back, all I saw was a huddled mess of blue hair. Her phone was clutched tightly to her chest and her other hand was running itself over her mouth. She looked like her world was ending. "Lane, what's wrong?" Her eyes looked up to meet mine and it looked like she didn't even register my presence. All she did was hand me the phone, which I placed against my ear while rubbing Lane's back gently and comfortingly. A nasally voice on the other end came through. 

"Lane? Are you there?" they asked over and over again. "This is her adoptive father. What's wrong?" I heard a deep sigh and sniffle before their words. "I'm Alex's mother. He's in the hospital, someone attacked him on his way home and it's pretty bad. I thought Lane should know." My head turned to the bunk where the crying girl was now laying, panting from exhaustion but still having tears cascade down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry. Thank you for calling." With that, the distressed parent on the other end hung up and left me there in the hallway of the bus, shocked and devastated not only for Lane, but for Alex himself. 

"Sweetie, look at me." Again, her eyes met mine with a blank expression on her face. She looked like she did the night I found her, giving up all hope. I had no words, so instead I pulled her into my chest and stood there for what felt like hours or days. I jumped when she broke the silence. "I don't think I can make it without him, Ty." My heart cracked completely. This boy was her safety net for years, the only person she ever said goodbye to the night she tried to leave. The boy who came to her father's funeral and was the only other one there but us.  Nothing else was said the rest of the night. Lane eventually fell asleep in my arms, so I scooped her from the bunk and brought her to the couch in the back room, laying her down gently and hesitantly walking around to the front of the bus. For the rest of the night, Josh and I sat in the front of the bus just talking and checking on the exhausted and crying Lane.

Lane's POV

I woke up the next day in the back room. The light leaking in through the smudged windows was gray and dreary as I sat up and looked around. Everything from last night flooded my head again, immediately bringing tears to my eyes and causing my body to shake. Alex could die, and I'd still be here and not there for him. Without Alex, I would have been gone long ago, and now I don't see the point in even trying. I sat there on the floor for awhile trying to collect myself before standing up and going to my bunk to get clothes and my headphones. I changed quickly in the bathroom before walking out and finding Tyler and Josh talking quietly in the living room. They both stopped as I entered. 

"What is it?" I asked, completely terrified of their topic of conversation. Tyler's eyes lifted to mine before darting around the room. I saw him fish for the right words. "We just want you to be okay, but we know you're hurting." The strength I had built up was crumbling again. Josh could tell as my knees were starting to buckle and my eyes were starting to fill with bitter tears. He caught me mid-air before I hit the ground and carried me to the couch and setting me in between them. I bit the inside of my cheek hard, trying to tell myself to stop crying, stop being weak. I couldn't just fall apart so easily, at least out in the open. I knew I was going to go back to how I was before, but no one could see it. I tiredly leaned into Josh's side and closed my eyes before saying one last statement. "I'll be okay." Tyler's eyes told me that he didn't believe it, and rightfully so. But I just reached out for him to hug me, which he did with no hesitation, and waited for this part of the storm to pass. 

Most of that day was spent being silent, ignoring the pleas for me to eat or doing anything really. I smiled politely at people and nodded my head, maybe hummed an answer or two, but just sat quietly to observe. Tyler and Josh had a private meeting with all the guys that morning to tell them what was happening and since then, I haven't been left alone. It was starting to build up, all of the constant attention and worry. But, I just bit my cheek harder with each desire to scream and cry and implode. Tyler and Josh went on stage, leaving me in their dressing room with Pete. 

"You know that I know you're not okay, right?" he said while still staring at his phone. I looked up slightly shocked, but also not surprised that they could tell. I just shrugged and looked back to my hands, tossing them over each other like a game no one could win. "Lane, just talk to me." When my eyes lifted again, me was staring at me. I didn't want to talk or eat or live. I wanted to be with Alex or not here at all. And I know how stupid and selfish it is to say that. But it's true, all of it is so terrifyingly true. "I'm okay Pete. Leave it alone." I heard him dryly laugh and stand up, walking to the table of food and drinks then coming to sit down next to me. "You're not, and we all know it. Back sliding won't help anyone, especially him." The built up anger was rising in my throat. But Pete continued anyway. "Please Lane. Just talk about it." 

I stood abruptly and turned back to him with a dog fight in my vocal chords. "I'm not fucking okay! There, are you happy? I admitted it, but it's not going to help. I'm fucking done Pete. I don't want to be alive anymore without him, so I'm done trying at all." The look on his face surprised me more then anything that day. It looked unaffected, like it was expecting the punches from the words. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear." He stood and hugged me tightly, and despite my best cheek-biting efforts, tears again fell down my cheeks. When he broke the hug, he looked back down to me and into my eyes. "Now we know, and now we deal with it." I felt the tears fall faster, but the last bit of will power I had kept me from doing anything but silently weep. His grip around me returned and soon enough, he set me back on the couch. "I'll be back soon, okay? Please eat something." I looked down at the plate in front of me and instantly felt my stomach churn. 

The door closed and I lifted my knees to my chest, rocking slightly back and forth on the sofa. The shaking was returning and it started to feel like the night I ran from all of the band members. My phone rang with his mother's number, and with a flood of tears continuing down my face I answered. "Is he gone?" I asked dryly. "I'm so sorry Lane." My world cracked and all of the demons climbed out. "Thank you for calling. I'm sorry for your loss. I'll be home for the service." With that, we both hung up. His mom was one of the strongest people I knew. She let me practically live with them in the past few months and Alex was her whole world. As the news settled in my ears, I climbed down to the carpet and tried to calm down. It did nothing for me. Instead, I got angrier. 

I slapped the plate of food from the table and stood up, kicking the couch out of place slightly. As I paced through the room, I started punching the walls in random spots. I only lasted a minute or two before the sobs racking my body made me fall to the ground. My arms rubbed harshly against the carpet, sending a stinging pain in my body. I continued to rub them raw on the ground, the sobs getting worse. As blood was drawn, the sobs were loud and could shake the Earth. Pete ran in and scooped me from the ground before looking at my arms and my face. "Is he-" he started to ask, but all I did was nod my head violently and cry harder. "God, Lane I'm so sorry." The rest of the night was a blur of Pete wrapping my wounds and numerous different members of the bands, Ty and Josh included, holding me and trying to get food into my system. Ty booked a flight for two days later back to Ohio where I'd see my whole universe be lowered down into the ground. People's words meant nothing anymore so I just put my headphones in and played the one song that would understand me and drowned the world out.

a/n: the video is the song she was listening to. that band is amazing and that song was the sign i needed in a very desperate time in my life recently. the original video for it is better but i couldn't find it. these next few chapters will be very dark and may be hard to read, but take this as your trigger warning. stay safe and stay alive |-/