Fall Off The Grid (adopted by twenty one pilots)

//twelve - grow with the flowers//

Lane's POV

*descriptions of anxiety attack*

While standing in the lobby, I felt like the whole world was spinning. Nothing felt right, and my head was pounding harder and harder. Soon enough, people would come look for me. I had to run. As I sprinted from the lobby and out the side doors of the venue, I heard Fall Out Boy start their set.

The rush of bitter wind hit my skin like bullets, but I didn't have time to falter. I wrapped around the front of the venue and leaned against the brick wall trying to catch my breath. The pounding was a heavier, constant stream of pain and this rock in my stomach was seemingly expanding. The entire world wouldn't stop dancing around in my vision and I just wanted to beg it to stop. God, why wouldn't it just stop? I heard light chatter and snickering and turned my head just to see a small group of girls in every possible piece of twenty one pilots merch available pointing towards me. As I pushed up against the wall and tried to walk away, they ran towards me and pushed me back in position, hard. The cracking of my head against the wall was enough to make me listen to whatever they had to say.

"Just because you got 'saved' by Tyler Joseph doesn't mean you can run shows like you own them. You're not special, you're lucky bitch. Don't mess with our concerts and act like some amazing singer when really you're just some untalented pity party, exposing your God awful arms and telling your story like anyone would ever feel bad for you" a tall girl with blonde hair and a single red streak spat. "I-I didn't do anything to you. Just walk away." I weakly shouted. All she did was push me farther into the wall. "You ruined my show, and you're the reason everything got messed up." I nodded and slid back down the wall as the three walked away from me and back inside.

My hand found it's way to the back of my head, sending shooting sensations through my whole body. The breath I started catching was again staggered and everything was too fast. I stood and ran to the bus lot of the venue, immediately leaning against the fence and vomiting the small bits of food I had over the course of the day. I placed my hands and head on the wall and again just tried to breathe, trying to let the pain in my head subside enough to move. I couldn't hear music anymore, which I could only assume meant that they were done. I looked up to the clear, winter skies until one final current of mind-numbing, body-paralyzing pain took over. I fell to the gravel and tried to hold my head in my hands as best I could. Tears were freely falling from my eyes and I wouldn't be able to tell what was around me at all, considering everything was a streaked landscape like when sitting on a spinning carnival ride. Now, any breath I had at all was gone. Maybe it'd be easier to have died. Maybe it'd be easier if I had been a goner, if no one had caught my breath at all. These thoughts attacked as I heard a door open and a pair of footsteps approach at a quick pace. "Lane, Lane I'm here okay?" Brendon leaned down and brushed his fingers through the back of my hair, just leaving me to whimper and pull away. "I'm sorry, come here." I tried to move, but I couldn't. His arms wrapped around me carefully and pulled me into his chest and lap.

I could tell that all of the gears in his mind were spinning, just trying to understand the situation at hand. The pads of his thumbs were carefully running themselves under my eyes then moved to my temples. He laid me farther against his chest and tried to help ease the headache. "I'm sorry I ran," was all I could even try to say. I saw his face fall a bit, but no reply came out. I needed to throw up again, so I rolled quickly over his legs and crawled to the fence, repeating the same actions as only minutes before. I heard Brendon talking on the phone, to Tyler I'm assuming. When I was done, I sat up against that same brick. The tall man placed himself next to me. "I went to the front of the venue," I whispered, "and these girls pushed me into the wall and my head, it smacked against wall. The anxiety attack just got worse, and God, I'm so sorry Brendon." He pulled me into him carefully and quietly whispered to me.

"Can you sing?" I asked, muffled greatly by his chest. I felt him nod and start.

Twice a week I pass by the church that held your funeral
and the pastor's words come pouring down like rain.
How he called you a sinner but said now you walk with Jesus,
so the drugs that took your life aren't gonna cause you any pain.

I don't think he even knew your name.
I refused to kneel or pray. I won't remember you that way
but I lit you a candle in every cathedral across Europe.
I hope you know you're still my patron saint.

I heard more footsteps, and someone else sit on my other side, running their hand against my back gently. More footsteps later, and I had no clue who was here watching this all fall apart. I could just hear more voices joining Brendon's.

I tried to forgive but I can't forget the cigar in his fist.
I know that they were heartsick but I need someone to blame
and I know how they blame me. I know what you'd say.
You'd tell me it was your fault. I should put all my arrows away.

I'm sure there ain't a heaven,
but that don't mean I don't like to picture you there.
I bet you're bumming cigarettes off saints.
I'm sure you're still singing
but I'll bet that you're still just a bit out of key.
With that crooked smile pushing words across your teeth.

You were heat lightning.
You were a storm that never rolled in.
You were the northern lights in a southern town, a caustic fleeting thing.
I'll bury your memories in the garden;
I'll watch them grow with the flowers in the spring.
I'll keep you with me.

His calloused hands wrapped around my chin and pulled my face up towards his. I saw him try to see a way to fix all of the problems, but that's the worst part of all of this. I couldn't be fixed.

When I looked around, I saw all the band members around, watching the scene finish unfolding, like they were waiting to pack in back up and throw it far away, like they wanted to keep me from ever remembering tonight. I looked next to me and saw a slightly grinning Tyler. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered "I'm sorry I ran, it's all I know how to do sometimes."

"It's okay. Sometimes, that's all anyone knows what to do." I nodded and smiled a bit at him. He picked me up and carried me to the bus, laying me on the couch and letting the guys on. Pete was first, walking up to me kissing the top of my head gently. I grimaced at even the slightest touch. "Headache?" he asked even quieter then I ever thought possible for Pete Wentz. I nodded and smiled a bit. He lifted my head and sat under me, rubbing my head carefully. I instantly felt at peace. Patrick, Joe and Andy all sat around the couch and talked about nothing at all, watching me carefully. After they left, only a few minutes later, Panic! walked on, following FOB's motions almost exactly. Brendon played Pete's role. Finally, after what felt like the longest night ever, Tyler and Josh walked in from the back and sat there with me, telling me how everything would be okay. I didn't know if it was true, because who does, but right now I just wanted to believe it. "Ty, can I borrow a hoodie?" I doubt he thought anything of it, but really those comments got to me. I couldn't handle my arms being seen by everyone anymore. Ty pulled his off before draping it over me and then lifted me from the couch and and into my bunk carefully.

"I'm sorry guys," I said as they laid me down. Josh reached in and cupped my face. "Please, don't apologize, okay? This is hard, and we're here for you." I smiled and reached my arms out for a hug. He reciprocated and walked back into the living room. "Ty, could you stay for awhile?" He nodded and crawled next to me in the bunk. I could tell he was getting lonely after Jenna flew home yesterday because she only wanted to be around for the first part of tour. "What do you want me to sing?" I told him and he looked slightly saddened by the choice, but didn't let it stop him.

I'm a goner
Somebody catch my breath
I'm a goner
Somebody catch my breath
I wanna be known by you

a/n: hope it's okay, take time for yourself. have a great day, stay alive guys |-/