Nanny Needed

Thirteen

13. Exploring

"Kookie, where are we?" Jisoo finally breaks the silence. It had been a quiet car ride, not even baby Tae made a sound.

"A secret place." Truth was he wasn't sure where they were either. He was driving with purpose and concentration but his mind had other plans.

They stepped out of the car to explore the area. The tall trees letting enough sun peek through and a creek not to far from there. Taking it all in, it seemed familiar. It was then that he realized that he knew this place. His parents used to bring him here when he was the girls' age. Jungkook couldn't think the last time he had been here but he knew they weren't lost.

The times Jungkook's parents brought him here were being jogged in his memory. He had one more to make. It's a surprise Kookie even remembered how to get here but this place was always relaxing. It had an aura of tranquility and peace. Today, he didn't know if it would be the same with three children.

He held baby Tae, who was getting heavier, in his arms. Tae was quiet which only meant he was tired or sleeping. The girls walking in front of him and looking around. It was a moment of exploration.

For the girls it would be taking in nature. For Kookie it would be an exploration of his feelings which was natural for any human being. Being here, surrounded by nature, calmed him. The fresh air filling his lungs with every deep breathe.

No one else seemed to be here. No cars or signs of anyone being here recently. It wasn't too late to take a walk and enjoy this place. His surroundings were so calm and they only had a few hours at most before the sun set.

"Here lets lay down." Kookie didn't want to venture too far. And with the help of the girls he set up two small blankets that belonged to baby Tae. They laid on the blankets and Kookie could feel some of the grass against his skin. The child laying on his chest was fast asleep.

"Kookie? Why did we leave papa?" Rose asked. Her small hands picking at a strand of grass.

"Don't you mean why did papa kiss him?" Jisoo wanted to know what was going on. Always wanting to know everything.

"Papa needed some time to do some important thinking." Kookie responding to the first question. The second question couldn't be answered. Jungkook, himself, wasn't sure what to say. He was looking up at the sky. He felt like a child— looking up, feeling mesmerized by the never repeating shades the sky would flaunt. The breeze that felt soothing, relaxing him. It reminded him that he needed some sleep.

"Does that mean that you and papa are going to be boyfriends? Is that what he's thinking?" Jisoo didn't drop the subject.

"No, I don't know. Papa took me by surprise today. I'm sure it was an accident. Look!" He pointed at a certain cloud in the sky that looked like a bunny. Kookie successfully distracted them as they began to try and find different animals and shapes in the sky.

After a few minutes it was just the girls pointing out the shapes. They excluded Kookie but it didn't upset him. He loved seeing his girls excited and happy. Now, he was left with his own thoughts, his own world.

Thoughts of the kiss. That surprise kiss. The one that left his lips feel the ghost of their first kiss—Jin's lips. The one that let his mind unclear, unsettled.

There was part of him that wished SeokJin hadn't done it. What did the kiss mean? Would he become Jin's secret lover? Did Jin want more than a simple employer/employee relationship? Whatever it was his mind was making it all negative. There were a lot of reasons but none could be positive—not for him, at least.

The thought—if Jin wanted just a lover made him upset. If he wanted anything serious Jungkook was bound to mess up. They were bound to fuck up. A horrible, twisted ending. Jungkook, laid there, over working his brain.

If they didn't work out then Jungkook would be without a job and a home. Sure, he would end up in a small hotel room but that didn't sound appealing. The outcome overall wasn't pleasant.

It was ridiculous that he came up with a bunch of different scenarios in his mind when Mister Kim probably thought nothing of it. Jin was probably thinking of what to say without hurting his feelings. Yet, here he was daydreaming. Watching the sky and hearing the distinct voices of his two small girls.

"Why can't it be simple?" Jungkook whispered to himself.

He caressed the child in his chest. The girls making up stories as Kookie tried to concentrate on them. Stopping himself from thinking about the one kiss that truly took his breath away. He would concentrate on these two lovely girls who wanted to be heard.

~*~

"Shit," Jin sighed. He couldn't seem to get things right. He just broke a glass; thankfully, it was in the sink.

"First, I fuck up with Jungkook and now I can't even put the fucking dishes away. What the fuck?" He was talking to himself—already, frustrated.

He didn't want them to leave but they did. It was his time to think. Yet, he wasn't sure what he should concentrate in. He wanted to kiss Jungkook passionately and maybe he should've waited after talking to him.

He had to talk to Jungkook about his feelings which he had yet to sort. He knew that he felt attraction and love for Kookie. The only thing he wasn't sure if it was the kind of love that would lead to marriage. Yet, he knew it was. It would lead there, eventually. If it wasn't because of love it would be due to conformity.

Jin hadn't asked him how Jungkook felt about him. For all he knew, Jungkook would give him a two weeks notice, if he was lucky. Worst case scenario Kookie would leave after putting the kids to bed. Jungkook would've already told them he wasn't coming back. He couldn't picture Jungkook leaving without saying goodbye.

He surely fucked up one of the best things he could've had. Once they spoke, he would beg Jungkook to stay, if needed be. He would promise to keep himself at bay if it's what Jungkook wanted. But first he'd ask to be heard—to say that he kissed him because he wanted to, not because he needed to, and so much more to be said.

He wasn't sure where to begin but he had to get it off his chest. When was the last time he felt this nervous? Maybe the time he asked his lovely husband to marry him.

Maybe if he made a list of what needed to be said then he could start to sort himself out. He went over to his office and grabbed a piece of paper and pen. With his mind set he began to write in neat cursive what needed to be said.

After a while he had a piece of paper with scattered writing. Some notes written on it. This wasn't going to help. Maybe a letter but that wasn't his style. It might be scary to talk it out but there was also emotion that couldn't be hidden when doing so.

Jin wanted to know him. Wanted Jungkook to convey his emotions clearly as he would. He hoped to say the right words. What he hoped most of all was not to lose him.

"What can I say to make you stay?"

{a/n}
March 12, 2018