Nanny Needed

Twenty-seven

27. Forget you

"You never ice skated?" He's amused at Jungkook's horror.

He was happy to help Jungkook. NamJoon found it cute how scared he looked once it became too real. The skates were on and the rink was before them. He could tell Jungkook was nervous when he proposed ice skating. Jungkook didn't say no. Instead, he said yes to overcoming possibly a fear and welcoming a new experience.

"I have never. And to think I wanted to be an ice skater." There were countless dreams he had a little boy. Many like being a secret agent, a famous world class ice skater, hockey player, singer and so on. So many and he ended up with a worthless degree.

"Really? How were you going to get there?" He held Jungkook's hand leading him to the ice rink.

Jungkook was being careful not to trip. He was sure that heels would be easier to walk on and less painful but that was just an assumption. He didn't say anything to NamJoon because he really wanted to do this. This was his idea and Jungkook thought it wouldn't be a bad thing. Now, he was starting to regret the decision.

"I was a kid. I bet you thought you could've been an astronaut, cowboy or something that was clearly hopeless." It was clear that he was trying to justify one of his countless dreams.

As kids we dream big. We think that becoming anything is easy. Simply that was far from the truth. It takes a lot of work, determination and willpower to achieve those dreams.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Look, I'll hold your hands. I just need you to trust me. Can you do that?" He smiled.

"No," Jungkook cackled. It was freezing, he was nervous, unbalanced and that was a sound that he didn't know he could make. Jungkook wanted to let him know it was a joke because he did trust him.

If he didn't trust Nam, then he wouldn't be here. He gained Jungkook's respect, and admiration. To prove his trust Jungkook put his other hand out for him.

"Wow, I just made the weirdest sound." He laughed trusting Nam. His cheeks rouge with embarrassment. He laughed with Jungkook and held his hands firmly.

It was his first time but it was sure to be the best ice skating experience he would ever have. NamJoon didn't poke fun at his little cackle sound and tried his best to make Jungkook comfortable being in the ice. He trusted him more by the second. When he let go of one hand Jungkook balanced himself. Jungkook trusted that he knew he could handle it.

Little steps until finally both were skating side by side at a steady, glided pace. No more worries about falling. Jungkook held his hand firmly, smiling at him. There was no better feeling than feeling alive. Nam made those moments of ease happen.

Jungkook was content whenever he had time with NamJoon. It didn't matter if it was a minute or a whole day. He made him happy. He made him forget about the problems at home. He was his distraction from that feeling of drowning.

There was no drowning with him. Yet, the drowning wasn't bad. It was bearable because once in a while Jungkook would make it above water to breathe. The problems with SeokJin hadn't suffocated him.

Jungkook only had to hold on a little bit longer and he would be fine. A chapter closes and another begins. Maybe he'll move in with NamJoon as he suggested. But then again it was so soon. But what was soon?

Jungkook admired NamJoon with his dorky smile. There was something there. Jungkook let himself forget about everything and concentrate on the memories that he was making. Memories that no matter what— they happened to bring joy to her world.

~*~

"SeokJin? Are you sure about that? I think, that you are quick to make this decision." Jimin was sitting in front of SeokJin. Jimin came as soon as he asked him to. By the tone of Jin's voice he knew that it was an important matter.

They were sitting in Jin's office at home. They were both drinking some tea. Jimin was dumbfounded by everything he said. There was no way that he made a decision that quickly. Jin needed time. There was a lot of people involved. Not only people but emotions.

"I think, this is what's best for all of us. I came to realize that I did like Jungkook. There's no question that there is physical chemistry there. I just don't think I'm in love with him. I confused certain actions on his part and mine for something that I dreamed of.

"He reminded me of my husband. That's why I took a liking towards him. He made me remember what it was like to have him here. It took some time to figure out something that I've always known. I don't need him and I let all that he's done for us confuse me. I let myself believe that I was in love with him." Jin was trying to explain himself.

"Do you believe that or are you trying to convince yourself of that?" Jimin asked him not sure if Jin himself knew.

"I think, I know." SeokJin sighed. So, maybe this wasn't as easy as he thought. He looked up at his ceiling. "Why is this so hard?" He whined like a child.

Jimin laughed, "No one said it was going to be easy. It never is. We're human. We don't take into account our feelings but also the ones of others. It's hard to put one's self first because most of the time you don't even know what you want. That's life." Jimin patted his knee.

"Trust me. As much as I want to be the man you want and need— I want you to be happy. Unhappy people equals unhappy marriages and/or divorces. So, take your time and figure it out. I'm always here to talk or listen."

"I know and I appreciate that. You've been wonderful through out it all. I was so sure," he stopped. He couldn't voice what Jimin already knew and wanted.

"We both know then you'd settle for me but this isn't about settling this is about loving. I loved you before and I love you now. You aren't in love with me. That's the difference."

"I never knew. I guess, I always had been stuck with being with my husband that I never realized." Jimin's confession taking Jin by surprise. There was no right response for the revealed heart.

"I know." Jimin had a sad smile on his face. "It's time for me to go. If you want to figure it out ask him, what he sees and wants. Maybe then you can resolve whatever it is your heart is searching for. It may not be love but resolution." Jimin got up. He kissed Jin's cheek softly before leaving him alone.

He was alone again. Why was it that some people see what one can't? Maybe Jimin knew what his heart was looking for. When will he learn to listen to his heart? In matters of the heart, it never comes to trivial matters.

March 18, 2018