Love and Lies (I loved him but he lied)

V. The Paasa Attitude

I was to go to Singapore in less than 3 weeks. Before our 7-day breakup, we already talked about traveling together to that country, to have fun and just be crazy. When we broke up, i knew it's not gonna happen anymore. So, what i did was, I booked the trip with a former coworker, thinking that we will never get back together. It was like I wanted to show him that I can still go there without him. When we got back together, I told him that I already have a flight going to Singapore and asked him to go with me. He said yes. Then asked me to look for a hotel for us online. I made an effort to search and compare prices and sent him the list of affordable hotels to let him choose what he wanted. After a week, he backed out! (This is not the first time that he did this. We were also supposed to go somewhere on his birthday but he also cancelled it two days before his birthday. Another time was when we were at a mall. We went to the jewelry section of the mall. He asked the saleslady to unlock the display glass and pointed to one nice looking bracelet. I think he asked me to try maybe three bracelets. When he asked the saleslady for the price and it was like more than 20k, he backed out! Lol! He said, "Maybe next time, I don't have enough cash."). Anyhow, he sent me his "back-out" email with the subject: Singa Trip. His email went: (By the way, sorry for his broken English he is French but at least he can write and speak English).

Baby,
OK, read this carefully,plz

Because i like you (you are my "sexy funny baby") and because this anniversary is an important moment of your life,
I would like to go traveling with you,(+ i really like discovering new places,new countries.)

But!

I just finished to recalculate my budget, for the first 4 months in Philippines i spend more than 2500Euros ,(it's like 125000pesos... )
and i still have many things to do before getting money back in,
+ i definitely need a new phone and certainly soon a new laptop.

so,,,
Of course we can have low budget trip,
(the cost of living in singapore is one of the most expensive in the world.)
but i don't want do a long travel, just for stay 3 days in a cheap hotel room...
and i dont want share your time with your cowoworker.

so i think its better to let you enjoy this trip with your coworker, and we will do together a better big nice honeymoon trip later.

do you agree with me ?

My reply was:

I was already expecting this. I just knew it. I could feel from the beginning that you're gonna change your mind again sooner or later. However, I was hoping that you won't because you were so excited about this trip..from the very first day that we talked about this.
Anyway, don't worry about it... you know me.. I am a very understanding person, di ba? I have been trying very hard to be a very understanding gf for you.. I've tried to understand every situation that you are in. I've tried to understand when you say you're busy. I've tried to understand when you say you're tired and you need sleep. I've tried to understand when you told me you can't come with me to the province because we will go to singapore... but now it's not gonna happen anymore. Now, i will try to understand why you can't go to singapore with me... I am a bit disappointed babe because I was already excited about our trip together. But it's okay babe.. there's still next time. Just prioritize your phone and laptop. I know you need them.
You just be the one to plan for our trip together.. wherever that will be. And i hope it will push through.
Anyhow, I'll be back from Singapore Feb 8 and my birthday will be at 12. So, i'll be here in the Philippines on that day. Wish we could be together by then. Any plans babe? I haven't really planned anything yet for my birthday. But i hope we could be together.. a simple dinner date, will do babe. Just the two of us.

His reply was:

Ok, keep trying to understand, maybe one day you will .

since long time ago im telling you i'm not like your ex kano, me i dont have "free money".

but you keep insisting for having fun , and spending money in trips.

(without thinking and searching for our futur,, because you are childish...)

anyway... i will do my best for your birthday...

(My gawd! He called me childish! Lol)

My reply was:

I know babe your money is not free. Nobody's money is free. We are all working for it. My money is also not free. I've worked for it for 11 years. Made some savings. Made an investment. Don't worry i'm insured. When I die, you'll have no problem for my funeral and everything. Well, i'm spending some for trips which i can't have when i'm already dead. So, i wanna enjoy life and have fun while still alive and single and there's nothing wrong with it. When accidentally we have a baby, then for sure i'll stop spending money for trips and just save it for the baby. See, i'm not childish babe =P it's just you that keeps calling me that..
Like i told you, i'm gonna go back to work after my birthday. So, it's gonna be work work work all the time and no more fun. Fun will be just my days off, if it would be fun at all. Maybe i'll just use them to take a rest from one week of working.
Have a nice day and take care always.

His reply was:
i'm not pushing you to get job,
have fun if you want, but me, i can't follow anymore.
maybe later.
anyway,take care,see you soon.

My reply was:
Yeah, it's okay babe.. i understand.
I'll just wait for that big honeymoon trip.. ;)
Take care too my babylove..
Miss you. Yeah, see you soon.

His reply was:
dear baby ko,
believe me, i prefer to travel with you in Singapore , than stay alone in my Baguio room .

but its not about "what i want todo" , it's about "what i can do".
of course actually i have enough money for traveling with you , but my goal is to stay forever with you,

i dont want going back in my country, because after few years i will be broke, and i dont want to live in the misery anymore.
thats why i am particularly taking care about money spending .
(I was wrong, life in Philippines is not cheaper than France, it just depend about "how you live")

and if i want to buy a new phone and "maybe" later a new laptop, it's not because i consider treating myself with new gadgets more important than celebrate your birthday ....

you have seen, my old stuff and clothes, im not fashion....

anyway,,,, take care, enjoy your holidays, and i will see you soon.

My reply was:

Good morning baby ko...
Yeah, i know babe... because it has been our plan to go to Singapore even when you were still in France. You can still change your mind babe. You can still go and we will not extend.. just same travel dates from feb 6-8. ;) If not, it's alright baby ko, I understand how you need to save money for spending here in the Philippines.
Awww... that's sweet baby ko.. same here babe, of course i wanna stay forever with you too. I wanna be the one to take care of you and you be the one to take care of me too.
Baby ko, I don't mind living a simple life with you. I don't need to be rich babe. If being rich means living in a life full of doubt and stress, i'd rather live a simple life full of love and happiness. Anyhow, i wasn't born rich babe, you know that.. so, i'm used to being "poor" but of course i don't want to be too poor hehe..
A simple life with you is enough babe. What's important is... we can eat 3x a day. We can pay our bills on time. We can go out and have fun sometimes. We can buy other extra things that we need... or buy each other gifts, like "baguette" hehe.. (thanks babe, it makes me feel so close to you when i sleep with it because of your perfume on it. I always sniff it like i do to you lol). But it's home alone there now.

Anyway, need to get up now and have breakfast.. you too, have breakfast na. Baby ko, again, don't eat too much instant noodles, not good for your health.
Okay, bye for now my babylove... i am missing you so much. Take care always. Kiss kiss baby ko..

(That's how and what he is. He always changes his mind. He makes plans and promises but can't keep them.)