Love and Lies (I loved him but he lied)

VI. The Cold Shoulder

Okay, I have accepted the fact that he can't go with me to Singapore. I did not force him anymore. I let him be. Two days before my flight, we chatted and he mentioned about my upcoming trip. He told me to enjoy and have fun. However, on the day of my travel itself, he never chatted me to wish me a safe flight or whatever! My gosh, i expect a boyfriend to chat, text or call his girlfriend to wish her a safe flight or a simple, "take care" message. Since he didn't do it, i was the one that did it... telling him that i was already at the airport and the plane's gonna leave in an hour. No reply. That really pissed me off. I did not only text him but i chatted and emailed him. All those were unanswered!

When i arrived at Singapore, i was still hoping that he will contact me. There was none. So, i picked up my phone and started typing a message for him. Before i could send the chat, i received his. Asking how's Singapore? Lol! Why Singapore, why not me? So insensitive! Then we only exchanged like 3-4 chats and he was gone, saying he's got some work to do. Fine with me, anyway we were already going out to eat that time.

During my stay there, i never felt that i had a boyfriend back in the Philippines. I even told my coworker that it's like I don't have a boyfriend because he doesn't communicate with me. It was pissing me off big time.

At Changi Airport, flying back to Philippines, again i was expecting that he would contact me. My gawd, any text or chat from him will do but there was none. Again, it was me that chatted him first and asked him how he's doing. Alas he replied! He didn't even care where i was. What he asked me about was my going back to his place for my birthday. He asked me when and I said Saturday. He said why not Sunday (but we already talked before that I'm gonna see him on a Saturday). Then I reasoned out that we already agreed on a Saturday and why he's changing it to Sunday. So, i said okay. Later on he changed his mind and asked me to come on Monday instead. My gosh this so much! Why can't this man make up his mind? Does he have a visitor over the weekend? What can i do? I just had to agree on what he wants. So Monday it is.

When i went back to the Philippines, i was already thinking of breaking up with him because it's like he's not making an effort in communicating with me. I even arrived here without him checking on me if i got home safely. He knew my itinerary. It's like he didn't care at all. So i composed a breakup letter. If he had a backout email, i had a breakup letter.

I wrote:
I think this relationship is not gonna work. I feel that you're not putting any effort to it anymore. You've stopped chatting or communicating with me on a regular basis which should be a must for us since we are far from each other. You are taking me for granted just because you know that i love you too much. You blocked me from Facebook and we only have Skype left but you don't even chat me there if i don't chat you first. Sometimes i'd only get a "like" or a "wink" emoticon as a reply or worse, none at all. Just totally ignored. I don't know if you're doing it to piss me off or to push me away. Whatever the reason is, I want to congratulate you because you're successful with your plan. Another thing is, you're still active in FC. You even changed one of your photos there. Meaning, you're still searching. So, I updated mine too to be even. Also, the incident with you grabbing your phone away from me still bothers me when in fact before you don't mind if I hold your phone. You even allowed me to read your skype messages and delete some of them. But recently when i was at your condo and got ahold of your phone, you fought and wrestled with me until we fell from the couch to the floor just so you could get it back from me and even changed your pin when you finally got it back. And you call it privacy. Privacy, huh? That's crap! It only tells me one thing. You are hiding something from me. I know you are still chatting/flirting/texting with other girls. But me, i'm open with my phone with you and you even know the passcode because I'm not hiding anything from there (but I already changed it right there and then when you changed yours). Right now, I'm already fed up in trying to make this relationship work. I've tried to tolerate your insensitivity. Making myself believe that maybe you're not just in the mood to chat/talk at the moment or just busy with work... so, I leave you alone and wait for the following day if you'll at least make an effort to communicate with me but I'll just be disappointed because I won't hear anything from you and I'll end up chatting you again. I thought I could just ignore this and deny the fact that you're slipping away from me. I'm sure you knew that I gave my all in making this work. I did not fail in showing you how much i love you and care about you. This time you can't blame me if you have another failed relationship. It's not me, it's you. It's you that drove me away from you. You know that I made an effort to save this. I adjusted to your behavior. I've tried hard to understand you... your tantrums and your grumpy moods. I'm sure you noticed that I'm no longer the girl that meets you head on if you're angry, mad, irritated or pissed off. I extended my patience for you though you know for a fact that I'm not a patient person. I no longer nag and demand and get angry easily. I've learned to keep my cool and let you be when we are in that situation because i don't want us fighting. I swallowed my pride. Like I said before, arguments and fights stress me out.. that's why i want us to avoid them as much as possible. I just want love, kisses and hugs. Well, a little fight is not bad because it helps in making the relationship stronger. It makes us mature and learn from our mistakes... but insensitivity is another story.
I thought I've found the greatest love in you. I thought i've found the man that I'm gonna grow old with. I thought I've found the man that I'm gonna take care of (and will take care of me) in the future. I thought I've found my soulmate, my lifetime partner, my forever... but I was wrong. It hurts me that I made myself believe that you are that man but you proved me wrong. You were only good at the beginning. Very sweet and caring but then you changed later on. Like a little boy with a new toy, very excited at first to play with his new toy but afterwards got fed up playing with it because it's no longer new and wants a new toy to play with... I guess you are really like that that's why you have no relationship that lasted long (at least ours was more than 2 months... well, just because i put up with you and made an effort to make it work).
Before you go to the next relationship, you should take time to reflect. Think about how to stay in a relationship and keep it. Relationship is not a toy. You should treat it as something special, as a part of your life that you can't live without. You take care of it, you make an effort to save it, you try hard to keep it and not lose it. That's what i wanted to do with you before... to keep you and hold on to you forever but it's you that wants out. Indirectly, you simply wanna break free from me. It hurts to let you go but i guess this is what you really wanted... freedom. So, i'm giving you the freedom that you want. I believe in the saying that goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Who knows we'll meet again after 10yrs and we are still both single? And we realized we really do love each other and want to spend our lives together and live happily ever after... but i guess it only happens in fairy tales and not in real life.
Anyway, I wish you good luck in your next search. Hope you'll find a woman that will love you and care about you more than I did. Not a woman that sees you as a foreigner with money that will make her life better (whether you like it or not, that's the truth, di ba?) Most women that are looking for a foreigner are searching for one that could change their lives... that would make their lives better and comfortable... that would buy them anything that they want and can support them all the way (including her kids and her family). You're lucky I'm not that kind of woman di ba? because I'm independent (no kids and parents, just siblings that are already married and have their own lives). I had a good job and a decent salary (just resigned to give this stupid love life a chance) and a little savings to keep me alive. I'm sure you'll have a hard time finding one like me (one in a million, i guess).
I've already given enough. See, I resigned from work just to be with you and give love another chance after a year of resting from a heartbreak. But we do make mistakes. This one is. Well, i'll just charge this again to experience. I think, it's time to work again. Almost 3 months of being jobless just to give my damn love life a chance for the nth time. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out to be a success. I guess, I'm not meant to fall in love but to work my ass out, save money, travel and enjoy life without a man in my life. I'll just go back to work soon and forget love life for now. However, I'm still not closing my doors for a new love to bloom. Like I said, and I'm gonna say it again, I'd still prefer to spend my life with a human being than with a cat or a dog.
Thanks for everything and thanks for the beautiful memories.
Goodbye... and good luck...

I made an effort to compose this but put off sending it to him. I was waiting for a good timing. A perfect reason to break up with him. Maybe when my patience for him runs out? But when? I sent this email to my own email address. It's sitting in my mailbox, waiting to be sent when the time comes.

While my breakup email was sitting in my mailbox, I received an email from him the following day asking help from me in editing his advertisement for his apartment in France at Airbnb. I gladly helped him with it. So, now you know that it's not gonna be sent yet.