Love and Lies (I loved him but he lied)

XVI. The Strangers

From strangers to lovers.... to being strangers again.

We really haven't settled yet how I'm going to get my clothes from him. I still have some of my things at his condo. We already talked about it previously. I told him a former coworker is going to Baguio and would like him to meet up with him and give my stuff. However, his going there did not push through so I had to email him about it. Anyway, he asked me before to keep him posted, right? I'm sure it's not going to be the same anymore because I know he's mad now. I was having second thoughts of contacting him for that reason alone but a clever idea came up that I'm sure will piss him off. That's asking him to send my stuff through a courier. I know he won't spend a single penny to send my things to me especially that I already made him furious with my last email. So, I had to try. Who knows he'll send them as his last favor for me.

Here's our email exchange:

Me:

My coworker said his leave was not approved that's why he was not able to go to Baguio and get my stuff from you.

Can you just ship my clothes to me if it's okay with you? Sige na plssss....and my slippers was a Christmas gift from my bestfriend.

Pierre:

I already spent a lot of time and money for you.

so if you want your stuff, find someone to get them or come to get them by yourself.


(Wow, money spent was just for lunch and dinner! Breakfast was just noodles or nothing at all, just spent sleeping until lunch time! Okay, let's include the birthday and Valentine's expenses (thank you) But that's it! Hey, it's not like he supported me financially! No! Like I said, I was paying all my monthly bills. No support from him whatsoever. So, he can't be that so proud that he already spent a lot of money for me. Even my fare going back and forth to see him came from my own pocket, my gosh! Embarrassing but that's how it was. He never provided my fare. He never voluntarily provided it just because I didn't ask him for it. But he should have known that since I was jobless and I was going there for him and him alone. Well, I had my pride and didn't ask a single cent from him. I'm sure that's what he liked about me too because I'm financially independent. I didn't ask him for anything and could provide for myself. In fairness, his reply got into my nerves. I was talking to a stranger now. Sarcasm would be my best defense.)


Me:

It's not gonna cost you a thousand, come on... We both spent a lot of time and money for each other, you just didn't realize it. Going back and forth there just to see you is no joke.. that's plus effort (aside from time and money). Or maybe you can drop them off to my house instead if you don't want to spend any more money? Sige na plssss.. because am not gonna make an effort to go there and see you just to get my clothes. It's the last place in the world that I'm gonna go to.

Sounds like you're mad at me now, aren't you? I know we were already okay, like old friends when we were chatting when I was at the plane. Now you sound bitter. Peace...


Pierre:

yes I still mad at you, and don't know why I should make any effort for you...

you make me sick with all your "blah blah"

but I'm thinking to travel across the country soon , so maybe I will bring with me your stuff at the Clark airport .


(Oh yeah, that's why he's so mad now because he already read the "blah blah" in my FB. Well, I did it on purpose so he could see and read them. He is not blocking me there. So, I guess, he enjoys reading them. Well, I'm happy he is affected.)


Me:

Well, it was all your fault... why you made me fall in love with you when you were not over yet with that so-called "friend" of yours. Why did you not tell me everything about it when we first met? You never said she was an ex. So, I should have understood better and cut the relationship right there and then when you decided to go back to Baguio because I'm sure she's the reason why you went back there and not for other bullshit that you gave me. We had it all good. You know I have loved you genuinely (I'm sure you know that) but when you learned that she discovered that I was your gf, you got so mad. You were not ready to let her know that you had a gf. That hurt me so bad and you got me disappointed.

Anyway, good luck with your trip wherever you're going to. Just to let you know, I've no hatred for you anymore. What happened was a good lesson...a blessing in disguise.

I hope one of these days, you'll learn to "unhate" me.


Pierre:

you have your point of view, i have mine.
and I'm not again explain to you my point of view again because it's useless, you are too much stubborn,

and I already wasted too much time with you .

(I even posted the chat between you and Biatchy on Skype, for make you understand, but you can't,,, )

by the way, now Biatchy call me "sweet caramel",,, for kidding me,,,
but I suppose you want me to be also grateful for this big lack of privacy...

You did a very bad thing + you didn't gave right excuse,

maybe if you told me :

"sorry baby, you know I am a very jealous girl, and all my ex was cheaters,

and because sometimes I do dark thinking , I decided to contacted her for check if you are also a cheater ."

but you keep deny and try to justify , putting all the fault on me or on Biatchy


(He meant, Biatchy is calling him now "sweet caramel" jokingly because she was able to read our story in my posts that he calls me "salty caramel" Oh Biatchy is visiting my other FB page? What does she want to know?)


Me:

I don't care about your bitch! And I don't care what she calls you!

She's the reason why everything between us got f**ked up! Now I also know the reason why you went back to living in Baguio... to be near her and to sleep with her when I'm not with you. I'm so stupid in believing and trusting you too much, my gawd.

See, you also don't believe my reasons for chatting her. You just want to believe what you have in your mind. I already explained it to you. My gawd, it was already 2 days and I was not hearing anything from you. As a gf of course I was worried about you. I was thinking, maybe you're sick that's why you can't chat or email or call me. And if you were sick I wanna go there and be with you and take care of you. I didn't have any other choice but to chat that friend of yours. Because I know she's from there and you "sometimes see each other" so I'm sure you two are communicating and maybe can tell me how you were. But you viewed it negatively.

Now you're putting the blame on me for being a caring gf, checking on her bf if he was okay. I trusted you that's why I let you live there, right? (because I didn't know that you had an ex there) That chat was not about trust issue baby. It was for checking really if you were doing okay. Because 2 days without communication is just too much. Who knows you're already dead and I was not doing anything... (No joke, it happens... I've heard such kind of news)

Whew, you're giving me heartaches again!

Ohhh.. whatever I post, nobody knows about it. It's just you and me because we both know our story. Like I told you already, that other fb is not known to my personal friends. I don't know nobody there and I didn't add any real friends , relatives or family there. And I don't post anything about us in my personal and primary FB account. Even when you were still my bf, I didn't post anything about us or even pic of us there. Because I wasn't sure yet about us. See? I'm right. We were not really meant for each other. Well, just wait til I finish my story about us.

Don't piss me off Pierre because I'm being nice with you even after what happened between us. Even though you hurt me so much, I've tried hard to remove the hate for you.. and I was able to do that... but please don't make me hate you again.


Pierre:

whatever you say, Biatchy was able to read all our story,,,,

so I am the one supposed really piss off , coz you exposed all our privacy...

Yeah you right !!!!

I have huge difficulties to believe in that....

COZ I KNOW YOU !!

and because you didn't tried to contact the gards ,

gards are able to quickly check if I am fine or not. and you know it, because you have see them.

you preferred to contact Biatchy for reasons...

and your little demon inside you was aware about not let me know about it,


Me:

Ohh wow, but I didn't talk about any very personal things about us. And why does every little thing matter if that bitch Biatchy was able to read our story? She's just a "friend" di ba? Unless she's a secret girlfriend that's why you're so mad when she learned about us? Also, they were not bad stories. You're just mad because she'll get jealous.

My gawd, I don't have contact numbers for the guards there! The easiest contact was your "friend" because you are closer to her than the guards there. Because you go out with her, because she gives you stuff, because she helps you with anything you need in Baguio. That's why my smart mind told me that she's the easiest contact I can get to check on you. Tell me babe, is she also a gf? Were there two of us in your life as girlfriends when we were still on?

Just an afterthought... why would she be able to read my posts when I already blocked her. That same day we broke up. Unless she's stalking my FB page using another account, my gosh! So pathetic. Meaning, she really wanted to know more about our story. Yay! Okay, let her be my guest then. More to come. I thought my audience was just you.


Pierre:

Biatchy is not jealous, and my relation with her didn't changed,

the problem is not Biatchy, the sneak here , it's only you !

I already told you many times, she is not my girlfriend, but go ask her, if you don't believe me, I don't care.

maybe after that you will realize , that you are the only reason of your fail with me....


Me:

She is a bitch and don't try to change my mind about her. Because if she was nice like I already told you before... she would have responded nicely to my chat to her asking about you if you were okay. But she sent me an angry emoticon which made me think that she was also a gf. Why be angry when I was being nice to her asking about you. It was so simple. Then she could have just said, "Oh sorry but I also don't know how he is. If you want I can chat him for you and let you know when he replies." But that caring gesture of mine for you became the end of our relationship. And it was all because of her. Because you were not over her yet though you said "it was dead long time ago" when you started chatting with me. You ended everything between us just because I chatted her and she was surprised that you had a gf after all.

Now you have me hate you again. And I think I'm gonna hate you forever. Gone is the sweet me, trying to make you "unhate" me. I don't care anymore if you're gonna hate me to your grave. You pissed me off now big time. Yeah, I don't care anymore whether that bitch is your girlfriend or not! You both belong to each other, loser! Anyway, I don't want a man without a life like you!

You can now go to hell!

The reason for the breakup was not me. It was you... for not understanding me. For getting angry right away and blocking your mind from reasons. I know and understand that you will get angry for chatting her and I was sorry but I had my reasons and you know what those are and I don't wanna repeat anymore.


Pierre:

what is the most "bitchy" :

an angry emoticon ? or asking her to not tell me about your chatting with her ?


Me:

Do you think I would believe that she won't tell you? Of course I know she will. I am a girl and I know how it works. I know she will still tell you.

I had a plan of telling you but we chatted only a short time and you said you were gonna do something, so I said to myself I'll just tell you later when we chat again. I even went back to her and told her to disregard my chat because we already chatted. There was no malice in my chat. I had no intention of keeping it a secret from you because I know she will tell you about it. I'm not stupid! It's just that she was the first one that told you about it instead of me. Then you won't listen to reasons anymore. You were so mad that your mind was blocked from any explanations I gave you. If you think my intention was to check if you're cheating, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. It was not like that, I swear. I'm not gonna explain again.
I thought am not gonna go through any heartaches anymore. Such wasted time and effort.


Pierre:

and what about my sweatshirt , the one you shredded while my sleeping ?

it's also a misunderstood I guess, your intention was just to check if it stretch well... ?


(Okay, I confess, lol. He had this old jacket given by the girl. Before I didn't really pay attention to it because I didn't know it was from her. One time when I was at his condo, I was hanging his clothes in the closet when I noticed the brand of the jacket. It was Boardwalk. I know usually it came from a catalog. Is he ordering from a catalog? From whom? But my first thought was, "I'm sure somebody gave this to him." He's not a Filipino, ordering from a catalog. He'd prefer to buy clothes directly from the mall. So, I asked him casually, "Hey babe, where did this jacket come from? Who gave this to you?" He simply said, "My friend." I confirmed, "Your lady friend from here, in Baguio?" He said, "Yes." And I jokingly threw it away at the door! Lol! He was surprised and just said, "Babe!" Then he picked it up and put it back in the closet. I did not put it in the hanger anymore. I did not do anything yet with the jacket at that time or it would be obvious. When I went back there to visit him again, I remembered the jacket and it's an eye-sore to me everytime I see it in his closet. What I did was, when he was taking a shower, I took a pair of scissors... ripped the hoodie, zipper and pockets! Lol, I'm crazy! Then folded it and put it back in his closet, at the very bottom of all his other clothes. Hey, it wasn't easy doing it, huh? My heart was pounding while doing it. You know the adrenaline rush when you're doing something "bad". Afraid that he might get out from the shower soon and catch me red-handed! And now his email made me laugh though he just pissed me off a few minutes ago. I liked his sense of humor, "just to check if it stretch well?" And the word "shredded" was funny too. I could imagine his jacket like "banderitas" , the colorful trimmings used for decoration in fiestas. Lol I did not make "banderitas" out of it. Just a little tear here and there! Of course I couldn't help laughing even in my reply to his email.)


Me:

Hahaha yeah maybe! Then realized it doesn't stretch because it got ripped!

I already told you... I was jealous of the things she gave you. Why would she give you stuff? And why do you keep on accepting them? Why not be honest with her and tell her you have a gf so she won't waste her money and effort on you? Well, I I guess you liked the attention and the freebies, right? Was it an anniversary gift? Really any girlfriend will not appreciate seeing things of her boyfriend that were given by another girl (especially that you told me that she likes you so much). My gawd, I'm not made of stone. I should have my heart cemented first when I became your gf.


Pierre:

ok so, I should have also destroyed at your home all the stuff given by your ex???


Me:

I'm sure you won't and you know that me and my ex are over for more than a year now. But you and the girl are still seeing each other and she's still giving you stuff... and that's the big difference because there's a possibility that you two will get back together (if she's not yet your gf now). Why still see her? How would you feel if I was doing that to you when you were still my bf? Would you be happy if I'm still seeing my ex while we are on? Think about it.


Pierre:

seriously, try to look at yourself than blaming me or Biatchy,

because I think here is the reason why men finally cheat on you...

You really need to do a work on yourself if one day you want be able to keep a man at your side.


(Another wow! The nerve of this guy to give me an unsolicited advice! Really? Are you serious? Who is the one here that can't keep a relationship that long? He said he had a one-month relationship with a Filipina in Manila (which turned out to be Biatchy from Baguio and not Manila). After that he said, he had a one-week relationship with a Filipina again that also didn't work out. Back in France, he has an ex-wife. He is divorced and cursed by his ex-wife and is not even allowed to see the kid. I wonder why. So, maybe there's really something wrong with him. He must have done something really bad for the ex-wife to hate him that much and deprive him from seeing his own son. I pity him for that and I understand how he feels about it though I don't have a child. Maybe that's also one of the things that made my heart go out to him. I welcomed him to my life because I am stupid when it comes to this thing. He gained my confidence with his sad and heart-rending life story. He said he wants to start anew. So, I gave him a chance. Well, he was nice, sweet and and sincere at the beginning of our relationship. And he got me there! I believed him and trusted him. Or I was just playing blind. I was blinded by his sweetness and all the other clichés attached to this thing called love. Anyway, I kept my cool in replying to his "friendly" advice.)


Me:

Now you're finally confessing that you cheated on me.

No babe, most men (if not all) are cheaters or have cheated in their life once or twice. Don't tell me you haven't yet. I know you're not a saint. (Oh, I remember you told me you did it in your teenage days!) You know what, I'm not worried about me because I know I'm a good woman and I'm sure you have seen that yourself. I did not do anything bad to you, did I? My exes wouldn't want me back if their experience with me was bad. You've seen how my ex (before you) was so desperate for us to get back together. He's calling me non-stop. You're a witness to that. He's still calling me even though we were already together. You even wanted to answer his call because you were annoyed, right? But didn't allow you to and told you to just leave him alone. Then he was sending me email, saying sorry for what he did and wants me back. But I don't want any more stress from him. And the Filipino guy, a long time ex who is married now still wants to communicate with me (maybe he has a bad marriage?) but I'm not stupid to get involved with a married man. I ignored him too. So, it's no to both. FYI, both lasted for 3 years (us? Just 3 months). It's the men that had a problem and not me. I just got involved with the wrong men.

So, am still hoping that one day I'll find a really good man for me and not men that sucked like them (or you).

(I think he regretted that he gave me an advice on relationships. He only addressed my first statement in the email.)


Pierre:
I did not cheat you with Biatchy.


Me:

Okay, good. If not with her... then with another girl? (with a wink emoticon)


(He did not reply. And I did not bother him anymore. I'll leave it up to you what you wanna think about him. He was firm about it that Biatchy was not his girlfriend (yeah maybe not because he's still wooing her back since he moved there) and was even confident in telling me to chat her and ask her about it myself. And my question in my last email was left unanswered. So, he has another gf, and Biatchy was just a friend with benefits (anyway she was an ex, right)? He was getting freebies from her like jackets, cap, food and we don't know what else. And he was enjoying the gifts, they're free after all. Just recently, I saw a public post of Biatchy's birthday. I checked all of the photos. My ex was not in any of the pictures. Not one. Not a shadow. Of course if he's a bf he'd be there for her birthday especially that they are just in the same place. No need to travel for 4-5 hours just to be together. Anyway, I know him, he cannot support an extra mouth to feed, how much more Biatchy and her son. (I'm not even sure if he's supporting his son in France since the mom has the sole custody and doesn't allow him to see the boy.)
So, maybe he's got another girl on the weekend when I'm not there? And his "friend" with benefits on the side. Whatever it is, I don't care anymore. For sure he knew that I loved him....but he lied. So, no more dramas. His lies already removed all the love, care and trust I had for him. But a few days ago, while I was browsing at the dating site where we met, I saw his profile. He was online. I don't know why but I think my heart was pinched a little bit when I saw him. I don't like this feeling, lol! So, he's active again, searching for the next prey.)

I'm sure everybody has his/her own opinion about the story. Friends who know me well would understand the whole story and would know where I'm coming from. Acquaintances would look at the other side and give him the benefit of the doubt. Well, I don't mind because I did just that before. That's why I didn't give up on him right away the first time he showed signs that he's hiding something from me. Even I myself, liked and loved him before because he was nice to me. He was sweet. He was loving. He was caring. He gave me his trust and I gave him mine. He gave me his account and password to the dating site where we met. We allowed ourselves to have access to each other's phone. We were both confident that we're not hiding any secrets. That we were not chatting, texting or flirting with somebody else. We were good together. The first two weeks we were together was wonderful. We were so lovey-dovey and huggey-kissey. Going out together, having fun, having dinner, having a walk at the park, going to the mall, buying groceries, watching tv, preparing breakfast, helping me out in the kitchen, cooking our lunch or dinner, hanging out at the porch, staying up late at night talking about anything we can think of, teasing each other and just being silly. He showed me that he's the man of the house... fixing what needed to be fixed, like the faucet, shower and the bulb in the bedroom. It was great. We were happy. We were the perfect couple. No fights, no misunderstandings (because nothing or nobody was still in the way). But it all changed when he moved to Baguio. In the first place, why move there, right? I understand he lived there the first time he came here. He said he liked the place because it's cold and it would be good for him. I considered that reason. But of course I didn't know yet that he was already lying to me at the start of our relationship. Like not telling me that the "friend" he was referring to from that place was an ex until we broke up. See, that's the reason why he went back to live there because he has an ex there and I guess he's not over her yet and wanted to be near her. Like I previously said (and it's the normal thing to do), a foreigner who comes to the Philippines for his girlfriend will live with his girlfriend and not anywhere else. Unless he just came here for a holiday and not committed to anyone. Anyhow, I let him go and let him live there because of his reasons (and I believed him). Also, I didn't want him to feel that I was holding him by his neck. I gave him the freedom where he wanna live. Then everything changed after that. The next time we saw each other, he won't let me touch his phone anymore. So, why the sudden confidentiality with his phone? I would have understood if we started it that way, that we have privacy with each other's phone the first time. So, what would you like me to think about it? Of course he gave me a reason to doubt him. It was already two weeks before we saw each other again when he moved there. For sure he already started communicating with the ex or chatting/texting with other girls, reason why he doesn't want me to touch his phone anymore. If he wasn't hiding anything, he won't have minded me touching his phone like before. It was that simple. And he even changed the pin to make sure that I can't access it which made me more suspicious of him. There were a lot of things he did after that that gave me more reasons to doubt him. Like when we ran out of mineral water. He won't call for the water boy to deliver one for us at the condo. He opted to buy a bottled water from the grocery store which was just near the water station. He was already there, right? Just beside the water station where he's getting his mineral water from but went to the grocery instead. Why? Maybe he's afraid that the delivery boy will see me and I'm not the same girl he saw with him before. Anyway, I don't need to enumerate everything anymore. Everything is over now. Letting go and moving on.

Be that as it may, love gives us a good feeling. Lies hurt us. Don't be afraid to love. Don't be afraid to get hurt. We either get real love or we get lied to. It's a gamble. Who knows the next one is the real one? So, take the risk! We love. We get hurt. We move on. Like I previously said in one of the chapters of my story (I stated it in one of my emails to him), "Life goes on. It doesn't stop when a relationship ends."


THE END

Last I heard of Pierre, he's going to move to another country. Probably Thailand. He said it's cheaper to live there than here in the Philippines. Cheaper food, rent and visa renewal. I wished him luck and he said he'll do his best. I didn't regret knowing him. It was an experience worth learning from.