Hold me tight & don't let go.

Where are you now?

I sat alone in my room listening to music and staring at a  new blank page in my journal.

I felt like I needed to write more.

But I didn’t know what to write.

I sighed and closed the book. I’d come back to it later.

“Hey” Harry smiled gently walking into my room.

“Hey” I replied. My voice weak and dry from lack of sleep and food.

“Dinner’s ready” he said offering his hand out for me to take.

“I’m not hungry” I lied.

The truth is – I’m starving. I haven’t eaten in days. It wasn’t from lack of trying, I just couldn’t keep it down.

“You need to eat something” Harry basically begged sitting down on my bed.

“I can’t” I whispered.

“Why not? It’ll make you feel better” he said.

“I’m sick, Harry. There must be something wrong with me. The first thing I do in the morning is throw up. I can’t walk, I can’t sleep” I said bursting into tears.

Harry didn’t say anything. He just moved over next to me and hugged me tightly.

“Shhh” he whispered rubbing my back.

“I want him back, Harry. I need him back”.

“I know, S. We all do… You should at least come out of your room and sit with us?” he suggested.

“No, I think I’m gonna go for a walk” I replied picking up my journal, slipping on my ugg boots and throwing a scarf and jumper on.

“Do you want me to come?” Harry asked.

“No, its okay” I replied walking out the door.

I knew exactly where I wanted to go.

-------------------

I sat down on a bench at the park around the corner from my house.

Liam and I used to come here all the time. There was a small café right in the middle, a walking trail around the outside and a huge playground.

I opened up my journal and began to write.

30th of September 2014, 6.59pm

Dear Journal,

Its okay to say I’m not coping, right? Every time I think of Liam, I think of the night he went missing. How much he hurt me, and how much I must’ve hurt him too.

I’m a mess at the moment. I look horrible, feel horrible…

Everyone’s staying at mine. I’m surprised we can all fit.

Harry and Tina, Zayn and his girlfriend, Megan, have been staying in the spare room.

Niall’s been staying in Elena’s room with her.

Louis and Eleanor have been in the lounge room.

Blair’s been staying at Asha’s house every night then coming over all day.

And I’ve been by myself.

Its all I’ve felt since he’s been gone.

Alone.

Pretty much everything I do reminds me of Liam somehow.

I can tell everyone’s worried about me, whenever I walk into the room they all stop and stare. When I leave they start to whisper.

I feel empty without him. He completes me. He has  and always will have a piece of me.

My heart is broken. And I need him back for it to heal.

12th of October 2010

The boys got through! Woo! The boys basically tackled me with a hug when we saw each other after the show.

Its been 4 days since Liam and I kissed. I want to ask him out, but I want him to make the move. I want to know that he feels the same way about me, that he wants the same kind of relationship.

I sat with the boys and my best friend Elena at Subway.

She was dying to meet the rest of One Direction, so Harry arranged for me to bring her along the next time we got together.

“Oh shit! Simon’s expecting us back for rehearsals in half an hour! We’ve gotta go!” Niall said suddenly.

“You could walk back with us… if you’ve got time?” Liam suggested giving me a big smile.

“Um, yeah sure” I replied.

We hurried out of the small restaurant and started to walk up the street.

“Hey, slow down” Liam said grabbing my hand and pulling me back to walk next to him.

He laced our fingers together gently.

My heart skipped a beat. It felt so right next to him.

We walked without talking for a few minutes.

“Hey guys, we’ll catch up in a minute” Liam called to everyone suddenly.

“What’s up?” I asked concerned.

“Do you wanna go out with me? On a date? Um… tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.

I wanted to scream with happiness.

“Oh, I don’t know…” I winked.

He looked so nervous.

“Of course, you loser” I smiled.

He sighed in relief.

“Thank god” he whispered.

I laughed and hugged him closely.

“I’ll pick you up at… quarter to 7?”.

“Okay, sounds good” I replied blushing.

“I can’t wait” he said kissing lightly on the cheek.

He held my hand again and we ran after the others.