Hold me tight & don't let go.

My favourite memories are the ones I shared with you.

"I love you, so much Spencer" Liam said pushing my hair out of my face behind my ear.

 Tears filled my eyes.

"I love you" I whispered.

 “I m-miss you s-so, so much. P-please come h-home" I stuttered gulping back tears.

 "I'm trying, baby. I won't stop trying, I promise" he replied kissing me lightly on my lips.

 "I have to go now" he said standing and stepping backwards away from me.

 "No, no stop! Don't leave me again" I yelled reaching out to try to touch him.

 But I couldn't move.

 "I love you, I love you, I love you" Liam's voice echoed making my whole body shiver.

 "Please, I don't want to be alone" I begged before he opened the door and he slowly disappeared and left me exactly that.

Alone.

----------

"Spencer! Spence, wake up!" Harry yelled shaking me.

I opened my eyes and jumped up.

 "What are you doing?" Harry asked concerned.

 I ran to the front door and raced outside.

 "Liam! Liam!" I screamed searching everywhere for him.

 "Spencer, Spencer stop" Harry said grabbing my wrists and staring at me painfully in the eyes.

 "He was right there" I cried burying my head in Harry's shirt.

 "It was just a dream, its okay" Harry said comforting me.

 "I don't want to be alone" I whispered... But he didn't hear.

---------

"I know, trust me I know. But she's not well. She's sick" Harry said.

 "He's right" Niall sighed, "if we can help her then we have to try. We don't have a choice".

 I hid around the corner of the lounge room listening to Harry, Niall, Elena, Zayn, Tina and Megan in a big discussion... About me.

 "She won't go" Elena added.

 "She has to. She's sick everyday. She cries all the time. She refuses to eat, she doesn't sleep" Harry said sadly.

 "Why don't you get her in here and talk to her?" Tina suggested holding Harry's hand.

 "She's right" Zayn said, "give her a chance to tell you how she feels".

"I'll go grab her" Megan said standing.

 "No, I'm here" I added walking into the room.

"Spencer! How are you feeling babe?" Megan asked.

 "I've been a lot better" I answered truthfully.

 "Right, yeah of course" she replied awkwardly sitting back down next to Zayn.

 "Where wouldn't I go, E?" I asked.

 "Harry and Niall want you to go to the doctor" she replied.

 Wow, I thought. If my best friends thought that I was so bad that I needed to go to the doctors then

I think I have too.

 "Okay, if you guys honestly think I should... I will" I whispered.

 "It'll be alright, S" Elena said standing up and hugging me.

 ... But I really didn't think it would be.

-------

“So Spencer, we are just going to run through a few tests and ask you a few questions about how you are feeling” Dr. Peeth said gently.

“Okay” I replied.

Elena and Niall were in the waiting room while Harry was in the room with me.

Harry sat next to me holding my hand securely while the doctor took my blood and did a routine check-up.

“How have you been feeling lately? Explain your feelings” Dr. Peeth said.

“Empty” I said quietly.

“I’m sorry for what you’ve been going through. Here’s my card in case you ever need to talk” she said smiling.

“Thanks” I whispered.

“Why don’t you two just wait outside until your test results arrive. It should take about 45 minutes”.

---------

“Spencer Loomingdale” the lady at the counter called.

I stood up and walked into the doctor’s office, Harry just behind me.

“Okay... have a seat please, Spencer” Dr. Peeth instructed.

I sat down and started to freak out a bit.

“Your tests have come back as fine, you are not sick... but something has popped up” she said.  

“What is it?” I asked, confused.

“… You’re pregnant” Dr. Peeth replied.

----------

7th of October 2014, 12.47pm

Dear Journal,

How am I supposed to raise a baby without Liam?

My whole world has seemed to slow down.

Liam, I love you. I never got to tell you enough times. I never got to kiss you enough times.

I need you home, baby. I can’t do this without you. I feel more alone than ever.

----------

13th of October 2010

“Wow… a carnival!” I yelled excitedly, “I love carnivals!”.

“You mentioned something about going with Harry to one the other day, and how it was one of the best days you’d ever had” he smiled.

It amazed me how he remembered something as small as that.

We spent the next hour and a half going on the rollercoaster, gravatron, cyclone, buzzsaw , the tower of terror over and over again.

“Come on, the fireworks are about to start!” Liam yelled happily pulling me to the ferris wheel.

“Sorry, sorry” I said repeatedly as we ran into people in a rush.

“Any more riders?” the worker asked.

“Here! Yes!” Liam yelled.

“Alright, straight on” he replied with a smile.

We jumped into the carriage and collapsed in giggles.

We got to the top just as the fireworks started.

“Perfect timing” I whispered smiling.

Liam wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on his chest.

“This is one of the best nights ever” I said grinning.

“I think so too” he replied.

“Let’s do this again, yeah?” I asked nervously.

“Of course” he replied leaning forward and kissing me lightly.

“Correction… the best night ever” I grinned locking eye contact with him.

“Definitely” he replied grinning also.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again.