Hold me tight & don't let go.

When will this emptiness fade away?

A/N: why hello beautiful people! thank you so much for reading, voting, commenting, adding the story to your reading lists, etc,  on my story - please don't stop! it means everything. you are all absolutely wonderful.

I'd like to know more what people think of this story, what people think are gonna happen and what people will think happen?

LOTS OF LOVE BABIES <3 i love you. - Abigail xxxxx :)

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The days are getting colder. The days are getting darker. The days are getting shorter. Winter is approaching quickly.

The fans are still going nuts. I can't help but feel sorry for them too. Someone they idolise, love and respect is missing.

The fans have always been nice to me, always respected me, made me feel like part of the '1Dfamily'.

I've barely been on twitter in weeks though.

The band isn't doing well either. I don't want them to break up. That would just be the final straw for me, losing them too. I wouldn't be able to go on anymore.

It’s not like they seem like they're gonna break up - they aren't fighting or anything. They're just obviously struggling without Liam and his voice.

They have cancelled their entire tour. THEIR ENTIRE TOUR. The fans have been really understanding and most of them didn't want to go if Liam wasn't gonna be there - but the boys can't help but feel horrible.

It’s hard to realise and not be selfish sometimes, but I know I'm not the only one struggling without Liam and wanting him back.

He's loved by so many people.

His parents are being really supportive about the baby though. They said I can move in with them and they can help me out if I want. But I wanna stay with Elena, Blair and the boys, at least for now.

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20th of October 2014, 10.03am

Dear Journal,

It’s absurd to think that in about 8 months I'm going to have a baby. It doesn't feel fully real yet.

I'm trying my best to stay positive for the baby, the last thing I need is to be depressed.

Liam would actually be the best dad in the whole world.

Just thinking about it makes me want to cry, he'd be perfect.

The emptiness is still here, the loneliness and sadness seems to only get worse and worse.

The feeling of a giant pit at the bottom of my stomach seems to increase by the second.

Maybe it would just be easier if everything went numb?

Life doesn't seem worth it now without him.

The only things keeping me here are the boys, Blair, Elena and the baby.

If I lost them, I'd lose myself.

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20th of September 2011

Wow, it’s been a full on year. Learning to adjust without mum and dad, One Direction coming 3rd, then getting signed and getting their first album ready.

I bought a coffee shop with mum and dad's life insurance money. We haven't opened yet, but its scheduled to open in about a month. I can't wait, Elena is going to run it with me.

That and the band have been keeping me sane, their debut single 'What Makes You Beautiful' is kicking ass. I'm overwhelmed with proudness most of the time. Liam and I are better than ever, he's still the same sweet, gorgeous, genuine person he was before every teenage girl in the UK began to fangirl over him and his band.

They all are really. Its unbelievable how down-to-earth and over-all beautiful boys they are.

They're still my best friends, my talented, amazing and hilarious best friends, and that's not going to change.

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"You know, I honestly don't think I could've done this without you. You've kept my grounded, kept me strong, kept me... me" Liam whispered looking lovingly into my eyes.

"You did this, baby. Don't let anyone tell you different. You deserve this. You and the boys worked your asses off for months and months on this song, on the album. You deserve every follower, every purchase, every compliment. You, are amazing" I replied grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to listen to me and to not pull away.

"I love you" he smiled with a sigh.

The words. The three amazing words. They seemed unreal. The first time I had ever heard him say that to me.

I grinned and kissing him lightly before hugging him close and whispering in his ear "I love you too, my baby".