Hold me tight & don't let go.

Unanswered questions.

The sound of the car carrying four of the most important people in my life stopped me. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t do this to myself, to my baby, to the boys, to Blair and Elena…. And I couldn’t do this to Liam. Their laughter filled my ears as the came running through the front door, I looked up at myself in the mirror and sighed, “What are you doing?”

I re-opened the small bottle and slide the pills back into it. I picked it up and threw it into the small bin next to the vanity.

“Spencer!” Harry yelled.

I walked out of the bathroom and attempted a smile, but it failed. My lips went all shaky and I looked ill.

I could tell he knew, but he just hugged me, kissed my forehead softly and whispered “I’m here for you always, you know that. Please, just never stop remembering that”.

I breathed out slowly and looked up at him, “You’re my best friend”.

He smiled and replied “and you’re mine too, babe”.

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It’s been a couple of weeks since it happened, I’m just so grateful that the boy’s car pulled up at that moment. Sitting in my lounge room with most of my favourite people, watching my favourite TV show, eating my favourite food, things felt normal again for a moment.

There was still that awkward tension in the air, like there was something missing… which there was. Louis had started to try joke around again, Harry had tried to make everyone see the dirty side of everything again, Niall had started to laugh again, Zayn had started to walk around saying “Vas Happening’” again, but it would never feel exactly the same.

I wonder what Liam would do if the situation was reversed, if I was the one that had been missing for months.  All I think about all the time is how much I need him back. I just love him more than anything.

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19th of November 2014, 10.27pm

Dear Journal,

I bet you think I gave up on you, didn’t you? …well I can’t. You listen to me. Weird, I know since you’re a journal and everything but if I told most of the stuff I told you to Harry, Niall, Elena, anyone for that fact, they would think I was going off the rails.

I don’t understand why Liam can’t be back… I mean what did any of us ever do to deserve something like this? What did Liam ever do to deserve something like this?

We’re good people; things like this shouldn’t happen to us. Yet, they have.

I know no one ever said life would be easy, but heck, I thought it would be easier than this.

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15th of March 2012

That’s it, One Direction have broken the American market. They went to number 1 in minutes breaking all sorts of records!

They are everywhere these days. Every time you turn on the radio: BAM! You’re insecure, don’t know what for. You’re turning heads when you walk through the door.

It’s absolute madness! Their faces are on every magazine, their merchandise going out of stock before someone can actually say ‘One Direction’.

I’m so proud of them, so, so proud of them, they’re my boys. But I guess they’re not just my boys anymore. With their twitter followers, Facebook likes and fans growing by the second, they’re now a lot of people’s boys.

“Babe, we’re touring America!” Liam practically screamed through the telephone.

I froze, oh my god.

“WHAT? OH MY GOD, THAT IS AMAZING. BABY, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!” I squealed jumping up and down.

“I can’t believe it. You’ll come visit, right?” he asked.

“To America? What, am I aloud?” I replied.

“Of course! Eleanor is coming for Louis, so you are coming for me” he said.

“Yes! That is incredible. Of course, I’ll go”.

“What would I do without you?” he asked.

I laughed, “more like what would I do without you?”.

“You’ll stay with me through all of this, right?” he asked.

“Always and forever” I replied smiling.

“Always and forever” he repeated.

“I love you” I added.

“I love you, too” he replied before hanging up the phone.

I raced around the house for the next half an hour dancing to blasting music in happiness to the boy’s album.

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Liam’s POV

“Please, please. Just let me talk to her. Let me call her. She needs to know I’m alive” I begged.

“No, no, no, no, NO! She doesn’t love you anymore! How many times do I have to tell you!?” they screamed aggressively.

I flinched as they raised their hand up.

“You are mine now baby” they added using their raised hand to caress my cheek lightly.

“I bet she hates you”.

Those words hurt. I didn’t want to believe them. I couldn’t believe them.

Spencer was the only thing that got me through this.

Weeks, months I’ve been stuck in here, locked in this room.

“Why won’t you let me go!?” I yelled.

“Let you go? Baby, I can’t let you go. We belong together. We all belong together. We will all be together. I promise” they said.

“I love you” they whispered in my year before turning around, walking out of the door and locking it behind them.

I miss Spencer. I miss the boys. I miss my family. I miss the fans. I miss the sunlight. I miss even little things like being able to make a sandwich when I’m hungry, being able to listen to music as loud as I wanted too.

I miss being free.

A/N: So, what do you guys think? Thank you for reading my story! :)

Please vote, fan, comment. You're all really special me!

Random question: How old do you guys think I am?

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