Hold me tight & don't let go.

First Meeting

His brown eyes locked with mine.

My mouth fell open in shock of his beauty. He was the most attractive boy I had ever laid eyes on.

“Say something” Harry whispered to me.

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

“Alright” Harry said clapping his hands together.

“This is my best friend, Spencer” he continued.

“Hey” they all chorused cheerfully.

I dropped my gaze and nervously stuttered “Hello” while staring at the ground.

“Spence, this is: Louis, Zayn, Niall and Liam” Harry smiled.

“Hey Harry, you got food?” Niall asked.

“Yeah, through here” Harry replied gesturing for Niall to follow him.

“I’m  hungry too” Louis added.

“Same” Zayn called running after the boys.

“So Spencer, yeah?” Liam asked.

“Yeah” I replied.

“You’re really beautiful” he whispered with a smile.

“What?” I replied embarrassed.

“It’s the truth”.

“Do you usually say that to a girl in your first conversation?” I said sticking my tongue out.

“I just think… when a girl is gorgeous, she should know” he whispered locking eye contact again.

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“You don’t have to stay here you know” I said to Harry.

“I do” he replied, “I invited Tina over, hope you don’t mind”.

“It’s fine” I answered attempting a smile.

Knock, knock.

“Here she is now” he said happily opening the door.

Tina was Harry’s girlfriend. They’d been together almost 7 months.

“Hey babe. How are you doing?” Tina said kissing my cheek and giving me a tight hug.

“I’m fine. Doing heaps better” I lied.

I’m sick of people asking me if I’m okay. Of course I’m not fucking okay. My boyfriend, wait, is he my boyfriend or not?

Well, the boy I love is missing.

“I think I’m gonna go lie down” I said turning around and walking to my bedroom.

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30th of September 2014, 11.16am

Dear Journal,

I’m not gonna lie and say I’m fine anymore. I don’t feel like I’m respecting Liam, at all. But I don’t want to exactly turn around and say “No, actually I feel like shit. If I hadn’t told him to leave then he’d still be here. So fuck off and leave me alone”.

I want to kiss him again, hold him close and hear him tell me that he loves me.

It’s not fair. Why is he gone? Did someone take him? Or is he just being a dick? No, Liam’s not like that. No matter how much I might’ve hurt him, he wouldn’t do something like that.

I wake up feeling sick, eat feeling sick, talk feeling sick, go to bed feeling sick. Not that I can sleep either. I feel sick non-stop.

Liam, please come home. I need you.

8th of October 2010

“You’re definitely coming to the show tomorrow, yeah?” Liam asked for the 300th time.

“Yes, Li! How many times do I have to say yes!?” I replied.

“Sorry” he said sulkily.

I poked him in the ribs playfully.

“Of course I’m coming. I haven’t properly seen you guys perform together”.

“Well, we’re not too bad” he chuckled lightly.

“I bet you’re great… could I get a demo?” I asked.

He looked shocked. “What? No”.

“Come on, pleeaasee” I begged.

“Fine” he sighed.

“Just… well yeah” he said.

I sat down and watched excitedly for his performance.

“I used to rule the world

Seas would rise when I gave the word

Now in the morning I sleep alone

Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice

Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes

Listen as the crowd would sing

"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key

Next the walls were closed on me

And I discovered that my castles stand

Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing

Roman Cavalry choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain

Once you go there was never

Never an honest word

And that was when I ruled the world” Liam sang beautifully.

“Wow” I whispered in awe of him. In awe of everything about him.

His voice, his eyes, his lips, his hair, his smile.

I stood up slowly and walked towards him.

He looked at the ground.

“Oh my gosh, are you embarrassed?” I asked shocked.

He nodded without looking at me.

“Don’t be, you are an amazing singer” I smiled.

He looked up slowly, gently caressed the side of my face.

“Kiss me” I begged.

And without giving it a second thought, he lips had found their place on mine.