jack maynard imagines

'in my blood'

'help me. it's like the walls are caving in. sometimes i feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough'
you lay on your bed, hugging a pillow, alone in your apartment. your boyfriend jack was out with his friends which seemed to be the case for nights on end. you weren't the clingy type and respected jacks space. but he was going out every night for weeks now. you began to feel lost in the relationship. it felt like you were losing hope and you were giving up. you had tried to make plans with jack but his reply was always 'maybe tomorrow night' or 'i'm too tired babe'. but he was never too tired to go out with the boys. you understood he wanted time with his friends, but he was completely forgetting about you and he made it clear. you would receive texts asking for food or something but that was about the most communication you were receiving at the moment. at this point, nothing seemed to give you a sense of happiness. you felt worthless and trapped in sadness. you began to feel depressed and it began to affect your work. so for the week, you decided to take a break and recollect yourself, but it was no use. you can't even remember the last proper conversation you had with jack. now you would only exchange small talk. "hi" "hey" "how are you?" "sorry, i'm going to be late for going out with the boys" "ok bye" "bye".
'sometimes i feel like giving up but i just can't. it isn't in my blood'
you think about leaving but you feel the guilt of leaving jack and you realise you can't leave him. it isn't in your blood. but you know you need to sort this out. it isn't healthy. so you sit up from your position and pick up your phone. and you begin to type.
'looking through my phone again. feeling anxious. afraid to be alone again. i hate this'
"hi". you sit there, waiting for a reply  and minutes later, you receive it. "hi" a sense of relief washes over you. "i need to talk to you about something" again you wait painfully for a reply. "ok, what is it?" you sigh. "in person i mean" "can't right now" you lay back down and sigh. "when you get home" you wait again. "ok. i'll be home soon" relief fills your body. you close your phone and head downstairs to the kitchen. you think to yourself 'just have a drink and you'll feel better' you pull out a glass and a bottle of wine, knowing you'd be waiting for a bit for jack.
around 3 hours and a few glasses of wine later, jack walks in. "hello!?" due to your tipsy state, you don't say anything at first as you try to recollect yourself. you hear jack wander the living room before coming into the kitchen. he sees you at the table and gives you a small smile. you return it and he takes a seat infront of you. "what did you want to talk about?" you sigh. "if i'm being honest. i don't know what to do. i just want to see you because your my boyfriend but i feel like... i don't know... you don't want me anymore" you say. he gives you a shocked expression. "i'm allowed to hang out with other people" "i know but... you've been pushing me away for the past couple of weeks and.... it's just.... i want to sort it out jack" you say looking at the wine glass infront of you. he stands out, quickly, making the chair he was sitting on push back and hit the floor. "what are you saying.... i don't care about you..." you were kind of shocked by the way jack was reacting to this. this wasn't the normal attitude he would give. "i didn't say that... i've just been feeling a little.... lonely and neglected" jacks anger only rises. "so now your saying i'm making you depressed?!" you just can't win. as you sit in your chair at the table with the wine glass infront of you, jack stands across shouting meaningless words at you but you begin to block them out and go into your own world of thoughts. you keep questioning whether you should leave or stay. but you come to a conclusion. "jack" you say but he continues to shout. "jack!" you say louder but again he doesn't listen, so you stand up and walk out. you head to your shared room and begin to pack some clothes. once you collect a reasonable amount, you make sure your set and call a taxi (you had alcohol so). of course, jack hadn't even noticed you had left until you were nearly at the door. "where are you going?" he asked with what appeared to be a bit of hurt in his face. "i'm staying at a hotel for a bit. i want to sort this out jack i really do. if i'm being honest sometimes i feel like giving up. but i just can't, it isn't in my blood. so i'll see you late i guess" you open the door to see a taxi pull up outside the house. you walk towards it with jack trailing not far behind. "no no no. you can't leave. i need to you to stay" you turn to him and look him in the eye for the first time in forever. "you don't jack. you haven't properly spoken to me in weeks, if anything i'm giving you a break" you get in the taxi with jack shouting your name. you show no emotion as the car begins to drive away leaving a guilty and lost jack standing out in the streets, staring at the vehicle as it slowly begins to disappear from his view....