eyes closed, i'm awake

f i v e - chocolates and cigarettes

One, two, three, four

You counted the kisses you left on my skin

You pressed your cold fingertips into my hips, leaving small bruises

and fingerprints

You swore as you accidentally put out

your cigarette to your own arm,

eyes falling shut even though

you tried to force them to stay open

You laughed as you told me your bad jokes,

scrunched your nose up when I rolled

my eyes and you gripped me by the

waist and pressed me to your back,

humming into my ear

You wake up, one eye looking at me

from under long eyelashes and

curled lips as you sit up

and mumble, "good morning"

You have pillowcreases on your cheek,

and you look tired and so so so happy

for the first time in a long time

Then, just a week later, you cry in our bedroom,

loud sobs penetrating the wall and

I walk in to see you in a broken

state

I try to pick up your pieces because

I want to now,

I love you and I will not

have you broken and torn

And you grip my arm, gently tugging me down on the floor

I carefully sit, I don't want to cut myself on the pieces of glass

and when I'm down you tug me closer until I'm in your lap and you

look at me with a desperation I haven't

seen on your face since we were living

on a diet of chocolates and cigarettes

and you lock your eyes with mine and

you wet your lips and you put a cold hand

to my heart and you close your eyes,

listening

to the steady beat of my heart, to my uneven breathing

and I can hear too,

the pulse in my ears

or is it the blood rushing in my veins?

You open your eyes,

so alive,

so beautiful

and you kiss me and mumble

"I love you"

and I know that it's true and

I laugh and you kiss me again and I remember

our chocolates and cigarettes diet, just before

when you had kissed me and you had asked,

"together?"

| a/n for some reason i picture liam payne as the boy?? |