eyes closed, i'm awake

t e n - goodnight moon

You told me when I came home,

"there's a man looking for you"

I followed you into the livingroom,

wondering why you let him in

but when we got there it was completely

empty

and I knew you were back

Not you, but you as in your old you

I felt my heart shattering, the sharp pieces

stinging on the inside and I forced a smile

You looked confused as to where the man was,

spinning around and I took your hands

I said,

"he isn't real"

and you frowned at me like you knew that

but didn't want to admit it to yourself

You told me,

"stop"

and I swallowed because my

starlight-boy was gone again,

replaced by bitter and black

The same black that was the coal

which he drew with

The black that you could only

find in outer space or his soul

The ink on his skin,

the lashes that so delicately

framed his brown eyes

I smiled at you - at him- and

you still frowned and shook your head,

"he was here, I promise"

and I nodded my head because I believed you,

of course he was

You are not insane,

no,

everyone else is

I pulled you along with me back into

our bedroom and you made yourself

comfortable on the bed and I watched you -

no longer seeing the charming boy I fell for

or the broken boy whose pieces I picked up

and cut my fingers on,

but someone new

Someone lost

So I kissed your forehead, my lips lingering,

"goodnight moon"