eyes closed, i'm awake

s i x - lullaby

Last night I saw your demons

At least one of them, one of

so many that possess your

fragile body and mind

I saw you, the same boy that I fell in love

with when I fell from my bicycle and he

caught me and asked me if I was fine (which I wasn't)

but when you turned and looked at me

I could only see black holes and you

were not the boy who kissed me before

you walked out the door only to sprint back

and steal yet another kiss

You were someone else, someone

I didn't know and someone

I didn't want to know

When I called your name, you snapped

your head up and gave me a warm smile and

your eyes turned back to the delicate

colour that I had grown so fond of

over the past winter when everything

was dead and your eyes were not

I couldn't remember you anymore

for who you really were

because sometimes you were so many

people at once

and sometimes you were no one at all

Then you were screaming in the shower

about internal and eternal and fucking pain that

never ended and how you just wanted it all

to (fucking) stop and when you came out

you stopped by me and and grabbed me by my

wrist and pulled me with you to our bedroom

and you pushed me down in the bed and

then you crawled ontop of the covers and

while crying you told me you have no idea

who you are sometimes and that you're scared

And I put my hand on your leg and you brushed it off,

shaking your head because you "didn't want my pity"

and I felt clueless because what did you want then?

"Just hold me," you mumbled and came closer to me

and I held you in my arms and you leaned your head to

my heart and I let out a breath because you were you

again and this time we were safe

You told me how I made you yourself again,

that having me close was a saving grace

and how I was a guardian

I felt it like I had managed to pick up some of your

broken pieces and maybe I had managed to fix you

with starlight and fairy love but maybe

you would relapse into your old self,

to who you were when I was most determined

that we were not meant for each other and

spent every night cleaning up your mess

and you

You placed a lingering kiss to my knuckles,

your eyebrows

drawn together like it hurt to be

this close to the wreck

that was me

I looked down at you

only to see your coffee eyes

staring into mine and you smiled

and whispered,

"sing a lullaby"