eyes closed, i'm awake

s i x t e e n - teenage lobotomy

Do you remember me?

Do you know who 

I am when you 

see my face?

You seem frightened

when I walk up to you

I smile but you 

back away

and hide your

face

I feel lost

and dejected,

there is no trace

of recognition

Your eyes flicker

from my face

to the boy

with coffee eyes

whom you claim

to love so deeply

He looks pitiful,

smiling at me

and speaking my 

name but I look down

at you,

my sweet baby daughter

who can't even

look me in the 

eyes

"She forgets,"

the boy explains,

smiling at me

as we walk into the kitchen

and make coffee

I feel my heart 

breaking,

a numbing darkness

before my eyes

as my organs

start working so

hard they

swell

and press

against

my rib cage

Threatening to

crush my bones and

leave me a pile

of bitter sadness

and sweet 

hatred

I drink your 

boyfriend's

far too bitter

coffee and

I listen to his

distant talking and try

really hard to see

what it was that made

you fall for him

As he continues speaking

I notice his furrowed eyebrows

and the way he nervously 

twists his hands

He tells me he wants you to get

help and I resist to tell him

that he needs help too

That he lives with a 

teenage lobotomy,

that he is one

I see why you love him as you 

shuffle into the kitchen,

bringing sadness and

dark with you

like furious waves

crashing against cliffs,

knocking you over

I see his worry as he stands

up to help you,

places a hand a to your waist

and stands behind you as

you make tea

I see his worry like

black butterflies

and acid remorse,

I see his self-accusation

like knife wounds on

his skin, hatred

written on his

very bones

I can see his love

in his beating heart,

his gentle hands brushing over

your cheeks

and he will remain

as yours

in your blinded haze

of your teenage lobotomy

| a/n this is written from another point of view, and i think i made that pretty obvious.  |