eyes closed, i'm awake

n i n e - lonely girl

I remember

the times before I met you

when I would spend nights

looking out the window

to catch a falling star or

count the ones that littered the sky

When I would sigh and ask

the night what it was like

to love someone

and end up blank

If I had asked now my guesses

would've been that the sky's answer

would fit mine perfectly and tell me

it hurt

I never imagined to love someone,

let alone be loved by someone

After all,

love breaks you

I remember the first three months or so,

we would laugh at my parents

for never figuring out how to make it work

and then we turned out to be the same

I also remember a rainy September afternoon

and warm, salty tears running down my cheeks

as I tried hiding them from you

so you wouldn't ask what was wrong

Before we fell in love, I was

terrified that I would fall in love

with you and when I told you I was

afraid to be like my parents you

laughed and took my hands from my face

wiping at my cheeks and you told me,

"but you're starlight; you can never be dark"

and I knew that I'd fallen in love with you

But the days before that, the days that I was painlessly

walking around because I knew not of you

or your demons or your love

or your stupid promises that would mean more to me than I

could have ever imagined

The days before I met you I was just

a lonely girl