eyes closed, i'm awake

t h i r t e e n - fire

You started nosebleeding when

we were in the car today

and as you held your nose,

you found it in yourself to start

laughing as I searched the

glove compartment for paper and

when I turned back to you

you were crying and hitting your fists

to the steering wheel and swearing

You leaned your head back, and you

said something I will never forget as long

as you are in my life

"They've won, haven't they?"

And you frowned as you pressed

paper to the ocean of red that

fell down your lips and I wanted to

kiss you to show you that I didn't care,

that I wouldn't care if you were contagious

I would love you no matter what, but

I know that you would push me away

because you needed time so I took your hand

and I hugged it before stepping out of the car

and walking back up our apartment and I stopped

before you started the car and I saw him take you

with him and away from me and I felt anxious

because I left you after you told me they'd won

and now there was your conqueror:

taking you away

I froze as you disappeared and I remembered

your fear to go out on the balcony because

you thought you would be forced by something

inside your head that only you heard

to jump off

and I dropped what I had in my hands

and let my lips part as my mind raced

I remembered when I saw you in the hallway,

your brown eyes replaced by a surreal and

never ending darkness and right now that

same cold, darkness was taking you

away from me and I didn't know if

it was forever or just for tonight

I could see the fire in your soul

and the secrets that burned

in your heart

We both consisted of something,

and you were fire

whilst I was ice;

you (your demons) would only grow stronger

and I would simply melt and vanish in your heat

(your anger, your hate)

and at the same as I feared it,

I craved it

Because nothing kept me safer

or warmer than

my very own

fire

| a/n ariana just tweeted jai and wrote "i love you more than words" awww. |