When It Goes Too Far

Chapter 8

He THINKS he loves me? Pardon my french, but how the fuck do you think you love someone? Isn't love one of those feelings that you either love them, or you don't, there's no in between?! Well Guess what, Mac just created the in between folks!

I know that all of this is just me being my stupid paranoid self and I'm beginning to over analyze everything but you don't tell a girl you think you love them! It never works out for you or her in the end.

Mac tore his eyes off the ground, and slowly rose them up to where our eyes now met. The awkwardness that was once in his eyes went away as confidence began to fill in the gaps. He brushed the hair out of his face, waiting for me to answer. A few more moments passed before Mac finally spoke up.

"Please say something Raelynn."

"You THINK you love me? How the hell does that work?" Well, you've done it Rae! You've managed to not only screw up a situation that most people dream off, but crush Mac's hopes as well! I really deserve a fucking trophy for how badly I've screwed this one up. "You either love someone, or you don't MacGyver. You don't just get to pick and choose." I watched as his eyes widened, his hands raising in defense.

"That's not what I meant Raelynn and you know it, ok? You're taking this the wrong way, just let me explain-"

"Tell me something first, why do you think you love me instead of just loving me? What's stopping you from just jumping in?" He fell silent as his hands fell from the air, the confidence starting to drain from his eyes. He opened his mouth several times but closed it almost instantaneously. The man was speechless, or there was nothing he could say in defense. One of the two.

"And that's what I thought. I'll see you around." Shutting the door in his face, I turned on my heels and began climbing over the mess once again to get to my bathroom. The entire time I was on my climbing expedition, I could hear Mac on the other side of the door calling my name softly. Wow, for a guy that thinks he loves a girl, he sure isn't trying too hard.

Eventually, I made it over the mess that is my living room and got into my bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I turned towards the mirror.

My eyes were shining brightly, despite the dark circles that hung beneath it. A few strands of my chestnut colored hair fell down from the ponytail it was in, framing my face.

"Come on Raelynn- you can't let him get to you!" I began talking to myself, looking at my face in the mirror the entire time. "Mac's just a guy, nothing special! I mean, sure he wants to make sure the two of you don't leave things in a bad spot and he pretty much just told you that he loves you, but still! He's nothing new, it's time to get over him! It's not like you knew him that long anyway."

"You did kind of show up at his door in the middle of the night two weeks. He took you in, no questions asked. Not to mention he's the sweetest guy you've ever known, who's cared about you in a way that no man ever has. Those eyes, and that hair- The hair is just absolutely- Woah, wait a second. Get a hold of yourself Rae! Now is not the time for this!" I found myself pointing a finger at my reflection. Ok, this was getting weird. I should probably stop this.

Shaking my head, I opened the bathroom door and began walking out. I'm going to put Mac out of my mind and finish organizing my living room.

When I stepped into my living, I saw him, sitting on my couch which was currently in the center of the room, his arms stretched over the back. There was an unknown gleam in his eyes as he sat there, his eyes now dead set on me.

"Pep talk in the bathroom mirror. Nice. I almost believed you there for a second-"

"How you get into my house?"

"The door was unlocked." I was pretty sure I had locked it after shutting it on me. Great time to have a slip-up Raelynn!

Rolling my eyes, I turned my back towards him and began making my way towards my bedroom this time. Ha, there's no way he'd follow me in there!

I was able to get halfway down the hall before I heard him speak up, an urgent tone in his voice. "Her name was Nicki!"

I paused in the middle of the hallway, hesitant to turn back around. "Who's Nicki?"

"She was the last girl I thought I loved- actually, I did love her. With every fiber of my being, I loved her. She's the reason I think I love you." Is it just me or did that sentence not make sense to ANYONE?!?

"Another girl is the reason? Are you still in-"

"No, not in a million years would I even still be in love with the girl. I've moved on." Venom had crept into his voice as he spoke, pure anger rolling off of his tongue. "She had- betrayed me and all of her friends, including Jack and Bozer. We all loved her. Turns out- she wasn't the person that we all thought she was." I overcame the fear of turning around and began heading back towards the living room.

I found Mac sitting up on the couch, his elbow resting against his knees as he leaned forward. His eyes were cast towards the ground. He only picked his head up when he heard me coming back down the hallway.

"I put everything I had into that relationship, I poured every ounce of emotion I felt towards her into what the two of us had. I had never loved anyone more than I ever loved her. And what did Nicki do? She threw it- us away like it was nothing. I was destroyed after what she had done. There was nothing left of me once she left. I felt- hopeless like there was nothing for me. God, I had never felt more betrayed in my life." I watched as small tears began to appear in his eyes. I could tell that he was doing everything in his power to not cry as if he were trying to stay strong for himself.

"So yes, she's the reason I think I love you. I know that deep down inside, I do love you. I'm having the same sureness and certainty that I had with her. I just-can't put myself out there again Raelynn, not without a little risk. I know that you would never do what she did but I can't help but stop myself from continuing-whatever this is. I know it was a jerk move on my part, but that's why I said what I had said."

Mac stood up from the couch, his eyes on me but not making any move to come closer towards me. "I'm not sorry that I almost made you like me." The smallest of smiles appeared on his face as a single tear had made its way down his face. "Because I love you."

You would have expected Mac to walk away after he dropped that bombshell, but no, he stayed there. Just staring at me. It's like he knew I wanted to walk over towards him and he was just waiting for me to build up the courage to do so.

It took a few moments, but I eventually made my way towards him. I didn't say anything as I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him as tightly as I could. I don't know what I was trying to do to be honest. Maybe I thought that if I hugged him hard enough, it would make the pain go away. No one should ever have to go through what he went through- whatever IT was exactly.

"I'm sorry- I should never have asked about," I mumbled, my voice being muted as my face went into his torso.

"Raelynn- don't be sorry. You have every right to ask, I didn't exactly tell you the best way possible. Besides, I should have told you about Nicki sooner I just- I didn't want you to run like she did." He finally brought his arms around my waist, bringing me closer towards him.

I knew that we were going to be ok, at least for now anyway. 

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I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far! It's definitely been a challenge writing these characters and this storyline, but I definitely believe it's made me grow as a writer :) I have another story I'm working on, involving the same characters from Macgyver, just a different pairing. Let me know guys what you think, should I post it or not? :)

~Miranda~