Thomas Sanders Sides One-shots

Old Habits

Trigger Warning: Self-harming, mentions of blood, panic attacks. Angst. Seriously if you get triggered by this stuff don't try and force yourself to read it.

He knew as soon as he did it that there was no way to back out. There was no undo button for life, he'd just have to deal with what he'd done and pretend nothing had happened.

Virgil inhaled sharply as he looked down at the tiny, insignificant looking scratch on his arm. It was the first time in years that he'd done it and yet all the familiar sensations came rushing back as if it had only been yesterday.

He stared at the scratch for a few minutes and then before he knew what he was doing another one appeared right next to it.

He gasped at the sharp sting but he couldn't seem to stop himself as once more the blade in his hand slid smoothly through his flesh, leaving behind beads of blood and damage that reflected the damage Virgil felt inside.

Virgils eyes shut as his hand moved almost automatically and began to nick at his arm, just small chicken scratches that were easy to conceal with long sleeves.

Eventually Virgil forced himself to stop and the razor in his hand clattered onto the counter next to the sink.

His eyes flitted up to the mirror and he locked eyes with his reflection. He shook his head in disgust as he whispered "So weak."

He'd been clean for years but at the first hint of stress he reverted back to his old habit.

He tore his eyes away from his reflection and looked down at his arm, tears slowly slipping down his face as he fully acknowledged just what he'd done.

He took a deep breath and ran his arm under the tap, wincing as the water made all his cuts sting but he didn't want them getting infected.

"Virgil? Are you in here?" a voice called and Virgil froze in alarm. He quickly double checked the bathroom door was locked before calling out in as normal a voice he could "Yeah, what do you want?"

"Patton told me to fetch you for dinner." came Romans voice again.

Virgil held back a sigh. The last thing he wanted to do was face the other three after breaking his clean streak.

Not only would he find it difficult to pretend everything was OK but he just knew that someone would end up bashing his arm which would just cause everything to come out.

"Tell Patton I said I'm not hungry and if I get hungry later I promise to eat." Virgil said and waited with bated breath for Romans response.

"Are you sure? It's homemade pizza tonight, surely you can't say no to one slice of Papa Pattons Pizza." Roman said, probably gesturing his arms dramatically Virgil thought.

"I'm sure. I'm not hungry." Virgil said in a slightly shaky voice as he pulled the sleeves of his shirt and hoodie down over his cuts.

"OK then guess that means more for me!" Roman exclaimed and Virgil rolled his eyes as he heard him prance away down the corridor.

He glanced around the bathroom, carefully slipping his blade into his pocket. He couldn't see anything that would clue the others into what he'd done so he unlocked the door and walked back to his room.

Once he was safely in his room he pulled out the blade and quickly hid it in his bedside table. That way it was out of sight but still within reach because Virgil knew that now he'd started again he wouldn't be able stop himself.

It was something he used to do daily but had eventually found other ways to cope and the fact he'd been more accepted by the group had definitely helped but after a whole three weeks jam packed with Thomas going to fan meet ups and going out with friends and working non stop Virgil had cracked under the pressure.