Blue Eyed Stranger [COMPLETE]

Chapter 12: Bland, Boring and Bloody Tired

"W-what do you mean, strictly professional?" Dean stutters back at him.

They're still seated at the cafe from lunch continuing their conversation.

"Well, we met before this became anything about a case..." Castiel says, hoping Dean would follow his lead. "Or... is that the only reason you want to talk?" He can't hide the disappointment in his voice.

Dean's quick to refute Castiel's words. "No, no, no — it's more than that."

Castiel can't hide his eyes lighting up. "Really?"

"Well, yeah." Dean's fingers circle his empty milkshake glass and Cas can see he's trying to avoid looking awkward. "I mean... only if you'd want that..." His eyes drop to the table and stare at the glass.

"I'd like that," Cas lowers his eyes to meet Dean's, reminding himself of the forest green irises that are actually there. "I'd like it a lot."

Castiel watches Dean, who attempts to cover a smile coming to his lips. "Glad we're on the same page then." Dean says, although Cas isn't 100% sure what that is yet.

Cas ponders for a moment how they can continue their conversation in a personal manner. Not just talking about work and the crap he's had to face from Crowley. He wants to know about Dean — his family, his lifestyle, maybe even his cat.

He scoffs — like a guy like Dean would have a cat.

Deciding to open up about his personal life first, Cas hopes that Dean would follow his lead, or at least encourage him to talk about himself more. He tells Dean about why he moved to the area in the first place.

"You know what?" Cas asks an empty question after explaining his situation. "I always just wanted to be an important guy doing important stuff. You know, just feeling like more than this." He says, spilling his thoughts.

He ponders on it for a moment, looking at Dean. "You know, I wanted to be a guy like you." Cas says, honesty laced within his words.

Dean looks taken aback, raising his eyebrows. "Really?" He asks.

Castiel nods. "Yeah. When I first noticed you on the bus I used to be pretty jealous, actually." He admits. "I saw you and I saw what I wanted."

For once, his words don't have a hidden or suggestive intent, he meant it. He was jealous, he envied how he had it all and he had close to nothing.

Cas sees that look again in his eyes. That look from the first time he spoke to him on the bus. His eyes draining of the intense stare and filling with sympathy instead.

Dean begins to shake his head. "You don't, you don't really want to be like me."

Dean's hard exterior has been disposed — he doesn't look authoritative or scary anymore. He looks like a normal guy... just like Cas. A normal guy who has regrets and sadness in his life... just in an expensive suit.

"Why not?" Castiel asks, wanting to finally know about his green-eyed stranger.

He watches Dean's body language change and almost argue with himself in his head about what he's going to reply. He settles back down and takes a glance to the window on his right.

— — —

Dean doesn't know how to begin the answer to Castiel's question. There's so many answers, an endless list in fact, why he shouldn't dream to be like him.

"Because," He begins, trying to find the words. "What you see is what you get."

Cas tilts his head enquiringly. "What do you mean?"

"Well..." What does he mean? "Come on, look at me." He says to Cas. "You see me and you see a guy who's life is his career, who does nothing apart from work. You see a guy who's bland, boring, and bloody tired."

He doesn't know how, but the words just fall out of his mouth. He knows what people think of him when they look at him. He has zero friends, he lives alone, all he has other than himself is work. Everyone sees that when they look at him. But he knows how stupid and selfish this sounds because he has money and a stable career. You just have to minus the fact that he's depressed, lonely and unhappy.

Cas doesn't need to press him as he decides to continue talking.

"I've become somebody I'm not." Dean comes to a conclusion about himself. "This lawyer, career stuff has enveloped me entirely, my whole life has been sucked into being this... character. I feel like it's all a facade. Some sort of show I've put on to impress." He scoffs. "I feel like... this isn't me. And I'm tired of it."

His words come more slowly as the truth leaks from his mouth. He is tired... he's so tired of his life being a black hole with no light to guide him.

Yet, there Cas sat in front of him like an angel. A lighthouse, glowing.

"I'm tired too." He watches the words come from Cas' lips.

When they lock eyes, he sees it. He sees that Cas has experienced fatigue and loneliness. Just like the first day when Dean spoke to him and all he radiated was sadness. He wonders if that's how he's coming across now — a beacon of depression.

Another first strikes him as he doesn't flood with embarrassment, the horror of somebody knowing his feelings. It surprises him, in addition to the deepness of their conversation increasing.

They sit in silence for a moment, taking in each other's words and body language. The atmosphere has clouded over with new thoughts, emotions. They both feel the barrier between them growing smaller, although neither wish to object its newer boundaries. They appreciate the quiet moment.

"Do you want another?" Cas asks, sounding like he's offering Dean a shot, but his eyes flicker to their empty milkshake glasses. "It's on me."

Dean looks to his new light and flashes a smile at him. "Yeah..." He answers. "Another... but then I have to get back to work."

He checks his watch as Cas smirks and walks to the counter. Reading the numbers, he already sees that he should've left if he wanted to get back in time. But he rolls his blazer back over it so he can't see the time. Ignorance is bliss, and so is spending time with Castiel.

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A/N: Would you guys like more 'deep' conversations in this story or not?