the nanny {d.t}

62 {the letter}

Dear E,

If you're reading this it's because the truth has finally come out. You have no idea how much pain I was in. All I thought about was to return that pain to you. My conscience was telling me to hurt you, but my heart was telling me not to. It got the best of me and well I'm sure I will now pay the consequence. What you and Aaliyah did to me... broke me. I had no feelings. No heart. No remorse at the time. Nothing. I know what I did was so fucked up. I know. I ruined our friendship over something that should've been forgotten years ago.

I know you're confused on how this all happened. Let me explain it to you. After Aaliyah had passed away I was devastated more than I was already. You know I loved her. More than any girl I've ever been with. And I know you loved her just as much as I did. I hurt Aaliyah so many times and you were there to be her shoulder to cry on. Deep down inside I knew you two were meant for each other. But, it still hurt me. Before you and Aaliyah started dating, she personally was the one to come and tell me, you two were a thing. Yes, it hurt. But, I'm glad she didn't hide it. I'm glad she had the guts to personally tell me; why we didn't work out.

I knew Isabel for quite some time. She knew all about your business. She always loved to work with successful companies. I told her to go and apply; she got the job. My plan was to never hurt you the way I did. But, when I found out you had a new lover— my grudge got the best of me. Isabel and I began planning this. Now your question may be "why did Isabel do it?" She did it because she loved the money. She would do whatever to live in luxury. She truly did love you, it seems crazy because she has no heart, but she really did, and I'm sure she still does.

I never wanted her to hurt your kids. It was never my intention to hurt those beautiful souls. I love them with all my heart. Isabel despised them; she can't even stand Mason. All she wanted was you and your money. She wanted your love, but Blake was the one that had that. It drove her insane. She hated her own sister with such a passion.

Now you may be thinking 'this is irrelevant' and you're right. Do you want to know how it went down? I was in Hawaii, and to my surprise Blake had texted me, telling me you had a meeting over here with Isabel. It was like the cherry on top. My goal was to get Isabel to make you drink. We both knew that after Aaliyah's passing that's all that helped you forget. So she tried her best and got you drunk. I had given her drugs to put in your drink— that's why you passed out even quicker. She laid you on the bed. Undressing you, not fully, but enough to make it seem like you two fucked.

We had already fucked the previous day. My intention was to not impregnate her; I guess we were just caught up in the moment. All we wanted was to separate you and Blake. She took a picture of you two 'fucking' so the next day she could send it to Blake. But, what changed the game completely was finding out she became pregnant. The day she went to go give you the news; was the same exact day I found out. That's why I returned. I was so fucking shook when I 'introduced' myself to her that day. Her saying she's your fiancée, I didn't expect you to actually commit.

But, I was the happiest soul. Knowing I had created a human being with someone. You know my dream was to always have a family. Mason, Xavier, and Aaliyah were my everything. I did whatever I could to be close to them, but not seeming suspicious. The day Isabel gave you the paternity test—it was 100 percent real. Just that it wasn't yours. A few days later the doctor called you, but that was the day you had supposedly lost everything. I answered and they told me your test came out negative.

I know you might be thinking. How is it that I love Blake? Who wouldn't fall in love with someone so phenomenal? She made you love again. Don't ever let go of her.

Your biggest question? How did Rivera know all this? He threatened Isabel and she told him everything. I didn't care anymore. When he shot you, you have no idea how terrible I felt. I thought I was going to lose you. I wanted to tell you I had done all this. I was just afraid. Sounds pretty absurd, don't you think? I had the balls to hurt you, but not enough balls to confess what I had done to you. Nick is a whole different story. I did not know his reason on why he despised you.

Now, what actually broke you? Knowing your first babies were never yours. Trust me when I tell you this. I did not know they were mine that whole time. The day I found out was the day I came back from Hawaii. I took a dna test—it came out positive. I was in complete denial about it. Then months later Blake suggested I should take a dna test, but little did she know I had already done one. Everything im saying I'm sure won't matter to you because you now hate me.

As you should. I hate myself for continuing to provoke your pain. I love you. Always will. I love your kids. They are your kids. They may have my blood, but those three kids are yours. Don't ever tell them I'm their father. Don't ever treat them differently, knowing they're not biologically yours. Love them like you always have. Love them like I would've. I may be their father, but you are their dad.

Thank you for all the memories. You were a huge impact in my life. You were the best brother/best friend anyone could ever ask for. You will continue to live your life with your beautiful family. I love you bro. I am so so sorry for everything. Please believe me when I tell you that.

Hopefully one day we reunite, somehow. You are one of the best fathers out there. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I hope one day you can truly forgive me for everything I've done to you. Take care Ethan. Take care of your new baby; who will soon have the blessing of calling you dad. Take care of the love between you and your new lover. And most importantly, take care of all your precious kids.

Love,
Grayson

[THE END]

Thank you ♡ - ʝ

[4/8 UPDATE: the sequel is now published it's called amorfoda]