coprolalia (n.)
/kɒprə(ʊ)ˈleɪlɪə/ the involuntary use of obscene language.
- - -
as soon as he hears those words, jun runs. he runs as fast as he can, down the stairs, across the driveway, to his car. igniting the motor to life, jun clips his seat belt on in a rush. he needed to go. now. before something bad happened.
"it's feng," his mom had said. at that moment, jun knew. he didn't need more context to know just what was wrong.
he couldn't lose feng. he wouldn't, he wouldn't, he wouldn't. imagining a life without his cheerful little brother makes his head spin. walking home to an empty bedroom, not being able to be bombarded with hugs and hear that sweet, young voice ever again.
jun had no idea how, but he wouldn't let feng go. he needed him here. it sounded selfish, but it was true. what would he be without his moral support, his comic relief, just-- his everything?
backing his car up, jun clasps his hands tightly on the wheel. he tries not to cry as he speeds down the road. yet his overwhelming emotions get a hold of him, spilling salty tears down his tanned skin and crumbling at his upper lip. too busy imagining all the worst case scenarios, junhui doesn't notice xu minghao's caller id shining from his phone.
- - -
not wanting to seem clingy, minghao sets his phone down.
he curls into his bed sheets, pressing a flushed face into his pillow. as much as minghao hates to admit it, he misses jun. the book he picked up from the library earlier rests next to his face. it's some cheesy romance novel he didn't bother to read the plot for, one that he checked out for the sole reason of relieving his lack of romance.
part of him, the rational side, was worried. was jun alright? he had left their conversation rather abruptly, leaving minghao on the wonderful option of read. maybe he just didn't want to talk, which was understandable. minghao would just have to suck it up.
maybe, though...
all that ran through his mind where sudden 'what ifs' and situations minghao was scared even came up with. what if junhui got bored of him? did he not want minghao around anymore? that was probably it. minghao was honestly nothing but a nervous wreck, an emotional mess who spent his days crying over dramatic character deaths.
that was it. jun hated him.
minghao stifles a sob and presses his face further into his pillow, hugging the second one to his chest. what a first world problem.
- - -
it's weird how crowded the hospital is this late at night.
though that's something that doesn't really cross jun's clustered mind as he rushes through the halls, having signed in quickly. he doesn't want to face the reality of what awaits him down in the immediate care wing.
feng, feng, feng. that's the only name he can hear, all he can see behind his tired eyes right now.
the door looms over him, taunting and daring, waiting for jun to make the cautious move and step in.
he pushes it open slowly.
the sight before him makes his knees weak. jun feels bile rise up in his throat at the image of his brother, frail and breaking-- no-- dying, curled up on the hospital bed. his face is pale, so, so pale compared to his lively tan, veins seeming to appear out of nowhere, illuminating his skin in the darkest of ways.
"f-f--"
his mother is there too. and she's crying, and jun wants to cry, he wants to fall right then and there, to the mercy of whoever is up there watching this scene unfold. he wants to scream and beg for help, have someone please make sure his little brother is okay. jun wants to sob, but he can't. because in this situation, he's the strong one. for all those times where it was feng who picked him up, jun was repaying the debt. he was holding back those tears and transferring them into nothing but support and care. he had to stay strong for feng. he had to.
jun walks over, observing how feng's breath quivers. the way his hair parts on his forehead, his chipped nails, and all these things junhui feels guilty for not noticing before.
his gaze drifts over to his brother's heartbeat levels, before wincing and looking away.
covering her mouth, jun's mother cries as her son gets on his knees. taking feng's hands and whispering everything soothing to him, telling him all about what they'll do together once he's healed. how that, no matter what, jun will keep him safe.
"i'm here, bub." junhui whispers brokenly, using his free hand to wipe his stray tears. "i'm here."
