comminatory (adj.)
/ˈkɒmɪnəˌt(ə)ri/ threatening, punitive, or vengeful.
- - -
they all watch chan go.
minghao's eyes flicker to jisoo, who is watching the door with glossy eyes. he looks like he wants to cry, so badly, but holds it back because he knows that there's someone else in the room hurting far worse.
a moment passes.
"i..." joshua stands up, wiping his eyes and smiling. "i'll be back."
and with those words, he leaves.
- - -
"hao..."
minghao hums quietly in response, not stopping his soft kisses of comfort along junhui's head.
they're laying on the library's carpeted floor. back at the hospital, things had gotten bad. jun, who couldn't take looking at feng's body any longer, was ushered out of the room alongside a frantic minghao. they had walked aimlessly for hours, jun crying silently and dragging minghao to nowhere. when the two passed the library, jun had stopped, before letting go of minghao's hand and stepping in.
that brings them here.
maybe it was the sense of ease that the library brought, the memories of a happier life which jun was happy to reflect on. something to take his mind off the heartbreak he was being plagued with.
"i'm sorry."
minghao pulls back slightly to look at his lover. "for what?"
"just...all of this. i don't know. i'm sorry."
truth is, he did know. he felt horrible. minghao deserved so much better-- he deserved someone who wasn't broken, someone who wasn't a flirtatious asshole who only cared about himself, someone who would take care of the life jun had promised him they would have.
"i'm so sorry, hao. maybe we should..."
minghao keeps staring, waiting for him to continue.
"maybe we should break up."
- - -
the air comes out in gusts as soon as joshua exits the library, pushing his lean body backwards. yet the feeling of desperation in him is willing enough to fight the weather, pulling his coat tighter around him and walking in long strides along the road.
he decides that he hates this week. there's too much going on.
it reminds him of the time, a while back, where joshua and chan were the two coaxing minghao to run after jun. now it's the other way around. jisoo is the one chasing after someone just as heartbroken-- the pain that minghao felt that day is probably exactly what chan is feeling now.
did chan hate him? did he regret choosing such an untrustworthy, sly boyfriend?
it was all the library's fault. the stupid, stupid, library.
if chan never saw him that one day, he wouldn't be off crying who knows where right now. this was all because of jisoo and that damned library.
even if chan didn't care about him anymore, even if he didn't love him any longer, joshua knew that he had to find him. he couldn't trust chan to be by himself, especially this late at night.
"josh."
jisoo stops and turns around, facing the person he was searching for. chan's face is dry with tear tracks, but his jaw is set and face expressionless. why did he have to look so hurt?
"chan."
"go home. it's cold. you'll get sick."
joshua doesn't respond.
"jisoo. please."
the american librarian steps closer until he's inches away from chan's distraught face. they lock eyes, and up-close, joshua can see each tear at the surface of his eyes, like a dam begging to be released.
"josh--"
joshua kisses him, clutching his broken lover's waist and almost forcing their lips together, channeling all the remorse and sympathy he feels in a single lip lock. chan gasps and hesitates before reciprocating, breathing heavily when joshua parts to look at him.
chan doesn't let him part though, grabbing him by the collar and crashing their lips in another kiss. joshua wraps his arms around the younger boy's neck in the sweetest way-- and chan feel like he might drop dead.
"i love you," chan breathes against his lips. "i love you, and i'm sorry. for running off like that. i didn't--"
"shh." jisoo dares to crack a smile. though it's straight from the heart, gentle and kind, enveloping chan in its affectionate warmth. it's almost as if he didn't need to say anything-- chan just...knows.
"don't apologize. i'm here. and i love you too."
- - -
"maybe we should break up."
minghao freezes. it's not an exaggeration when he says that he feels something in himself shatter with those words, sending a blow to his body like a knife to the stomach.
"...break up?"
"yeah." jun croaks. he looks so unaffected by all of this. "just-- y'know. a short break."
"can i..." minghao holds back his tears, taking a gust of air through his nose. "can i ask why?"
"i need some time. some space." jun says, like it's the most natural thing to ever come out of his mouth, and with each word, a tear runs down minghao's face. though why does it sound so forced?
"j-jun, but--"
"we can talk later, okay, minghao?" junhui responds, moving even further away from minghao's desperate grip to stand up and look down at the librarian. yet the only thing minghao notices is the fact that he didn't use the nickname. he always uses the nickname.
it's all happening again. them parting and not looking back-- minghao can feel the pain he encountered a month ago, when he saw jun's lips against another. but this? this was something else. this, minghao thought, this was true heartbreak.
- - -
lol
anyways sorry for the late update
this story is coming to a close and i'm trying my best, haha.
also ily.
-j
