T'as apparu dans ma vie comme une étoile filante dans le ciel, et t'étais déjà parti que je réalisais enfin ce que toi comme l'étoile vous étiez : trop rapides, trop éclatants, trop beaux pour être approchés. Brûlants d'un feu qui me consume aujourd...
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Beyond everything, I loved you - and to be honest, this love is still alive. It burnt so much that it actually was burning myself to death in the process. And the funny thing is that I often wished I would die just so the pain would stop. But I never did, as if I was condemned to the most painful and slowest death. Loving you wasn't the worst part - missing you was.
Besides, who are you? Who the fuck are you, darling?! Honestly. I don't know.. and I probably never will. I hate you for that. I fell in love with a ghost. And I hate that it's probably the only thing that's gonna remain. The mere memory of you, the words that you left behind you and the screenshots that contain them, the only proof that you once were real. Darling, holy fuck, I miss you.
I need your words, and your presence - I crave them so fucking much - but you're not there any more so what's the damn point? I keep imagining what you're doing, where and with whom. I hope you're well, I really do. See? You left me and still; I wish you the best. Please someone come and smack me with a frying pan.
Alright, so I'm standing here, waiting for someone to understand me or at least try, while knowing that will probably never happen as people are fucking selfish. Even I am, I can't blame them - it's human.
I swear, I need to understand why everytime my mind wanders, it finds a way back to you. Now I'm left wondering if love is a kind of drug. Is it? 'Cause Darling, I feel dependant, and I flippin hate that feeling. "Move on already" I keep repeating myself. But my heart won't listen even though it's the one that suffers from the situation. I don't understand how you can self-inflict yourself such a pain and not being able to stop. It's kind of stupid, which makes it 100% more annoying.
Sometimes I feel like I could forget you, but then I realise that I just can't fall in love with someone else, because your ghost is just two steps behind me, reminding me of who you were and how perfect you are. And even though I kinda know I idealised you I just can't "MOVE ON".
I'm so afraid I'm never able to forget you, darling. What if when I'm 40 I'm still convinced that no one would ever be as perfect as you are? I hate that impression that you're never gonna leave my mind alone. You have to, darling. I hold you so dear but I can't go on this way. I have to let you go, to let go of all my feelings. I have to let it all go... if I want to ever find myself again.
At the same time, I don't want to forget about us. 'Cause we were something, once, right? I just can't delete those screenshots of our conversations. I need them to assure myself it wasn't a dream all along. It could have been ; it felt unreal because of its perfection.
Darling, those are my final words to you : I miss you as hell, but I promise myself, from now on, I'll try to forget you. Whatever it takes.
