Behind The Scenes: Book Two || Jihope

VII: Help

Open your eyes.

Don't be afraid. Of course you met your goal.

Open your eyes.

You've worked so hard. Hard work always pays off.

Open your eyes.

You'll be happy once you see it.

Open your eyes.

Jimin dropped his head forward and looked to the numbers on the scale. 66Kg. Damn! He sighed in frustation. He still had about five kilograms to lose and he didn't know what else he could do. He exercised everyday, he had cut all carbohydrates from his diet and it had been months since he last ate a sweet. Why was he not losing weight? He stepped out of the scale and turned to look at himself in the mirror. It was around 5am. All members were still asleep since their schedule was not set to start until 8:30am when the driver came to pick them up. 

This was a rather normal thing for Jimin, he would wake up before anybody else to exercise. Sometimes he went out to jog, some other times he would use Jungkook's equipment and days like today, he would check if his efforts had somehow paid off. Just like the previous week, not a single change was seen. Looking at his reflection in the mirror wasn't something he really liked. He could see all the imperfections showing in his face, starting from the big bags under his tired eyes to his overall exhausted expression. Of course he knew those were for lack of sleep, but the pimples in his check were not. He would have to ask his stylists to get the acne treatment ready for him. His hair seemed to be damaged too. At least, this much he had expected since he had had to color it way too many times in addition to all the heat and hair products the *noonas put in it everytime BTS had a public showing.

He thought of the words he had heard coming from Hoseok's mouth the previous day. There was no doubt in Jimin's mind that he was attractive, after all, he knew he had it. But how could Hoseok set his eyes on him when he had six other members to look at? It didn't really make sense. Being constantly surrounded by the most beautiful people in Korea was a big pressure for Jimin. Specially when those beautiful people were either colleagues, friends or even his own members. Clear examples: first it was Jeon Jungkook. The gorgeous maknae. Kookie's features were pretty much perfect and he had a very developed body despite his young age, not to mention that he is also really tall. He is every person's dream for sure. Then, it was Kim Seokjin. The group's visual, Jin had won the genetic lottery that only one in a million people had. His face was so much the epitome of perfection, that he had been recruited as a trainee thanks to it. Jin also had wide shoulders and to complete his manly frame he was also really tall. Following him was Min Yoongi. What he lacked in stature, he compensated in good looks. Suga had hazelnut shaped eyes and really white skin complimented by a toned body that curved in all the right places. He also had a smile so beautiful, it could put a sinner to preach. Then Kim Namjoon. Manly to no end. RM had really cute features that made him extremely attractive. Dimples in his face when he smiled and a deep husky voice completed with a very tall stature. He was simply amazing.

Of course, then he had the guy who had just confessed to him: Jung Hoseok. Tall, sexy, toned body, killer smile and to top it all, he was the best dancer in the group. No need to say more. Finally, there was Kim Taehyung. The Kim Taehyung. Considered by many to be the most handsome member of BTS, Tae's perfection knew no boundaries. His face alone was a masterpiece, Jimin could swear he could hear birds singing everytime V smiled. His body was toned and his stature was just as perfect as the rest of him: not too short, not too tall. Taehyung had the most fans amongst them and it was no wonder why, he didn't have a single flaw. No matter what he wore, he looked attractive. Maybe even the word 'perfection' was not good enough for him.

And then, mixed in between those georgous people, there was him. The one currently looking at himself in the mirror. Hiding from his bandmates because of how ashamed he felt: Jimin. He was short with eyes too small and lips too plump. However, Jimin was sure he had learned to worked those. He smiled and made flirty gestures with his face whenever he was around girls. Seeing them blushing was the ultimate compliment. That's why his biggest issue was not his face or his hair, it was his weight. By now, he knew he had decrowned Suga as the lightiest member of the band but judging from the scale results he had just seen, apparently he still had a long way to go.

It was in situations like this when rage invaded him. He was not trying to compete with anybody in the band or anybody in the bussiness. If anything, he only wanted to be as happy and as comfortable with himself as the rest of them seemed to be. He just wanted to know how it really felt to love himself. Jimin opened the bathroom cabinet looking for the vitamins he had been taking as a replacement for food. He moved his hand around but the little bottle was nowhere to be found. He broke his gaze from the mirror and searched for the bottle inside. However, the first thing he found were not the vitamins but the razor Hobi used to shave. His eyes were suddenly fixed on the metal blades of the object.

Less than a week ago a friend of his had taught him how to make himself feel better by using a razor blade. Jimin would lie if he said that he hadn't felt guilty after doing so, but he would also be lying if he said that it hadn't felt relieving. Was he strong enough to do it again? To do it by himself this time? Probably. He took the black object and looked at himself in the mirror again. He could feel his body shaking, it was like a sudden cold had just invaded his being. Could he really do this? Jisung had told him how to and where to do it, but he wasn't sure that he'd be able to replicate the act. Honestly he was scared. What if something went wrong? It was not him he was truly worried about, but his members. Whatever love he didn't have for himself, he did have for his six brothers. They were the most important people in Jimin's eyes. He wanted them to always have smiles in their faces and to always feel proud of him. Would they be proud if you did this, Jimin? The voice in his mind spoke. Hobi- hyung, who just told you he loved you. What kind of pain would you be causing to him if you did it? His mind kept going and although he felt afraid, he wanted that voice to stop talking so that he could proceed.  

He could feel the so well known tears forming in his eyes again. He threw the razor to the floor threw his head down using the sink as support. He felt really defeated. A few tears had dropped from his eyes when he suddenly heard a knock on the door. "Jiminie? Are you there?" J Hope asked quietly. His hyung had taken him by suprise. Still, Jimin didn't even hesitate before rushing to open the door and throwing himself into the older's arms. Naturally, he was received by a nice and warm hug. "It's alright. It's alright. I'm here" Hobi said as Jimin sighed and cried in his shoulder. Jimin knew he was now safe but he also knew that this couldn't really go any further.  Still feeling a bit afraid about what he had been about to to, he decided to say what he had wanted to word out for a long time: "Hobi- hyung. I need help"

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Reference:

Noona: Korean honorific that younger males use to refer to older women.

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Have you watched Burn The Stage yet?
You totally should!!

Thank you so much for reading!
Love you all,
Palju ^.^