Behind The Scenes: Book Two || Jihope

III: Trust

Hoseok was usually a confident person. He took criticism well and he knew how to handle his anger. He could overcome adversities and make the best of all the obstacles he had to face. Yet, when it came to Jimin, he lost all his trust. It was almost like he was drained out of strength whenever it came to his dongsaeng and that was exactly what he was feeling now. A coward, there was no other word that could possibly describe what he was. It had been almost a week since he saw those scars on Jimin's wrist and yet he hadn't had the courage to ask him about them. He was not particularly afraid of the answer, after all, there were no many ways one could get those kind of wounds in such a particular place. Still, he was afraid of Jimin's reaction to his inquires. Jimin could easily be ruthless whenever he got upset, it may sound selfish. Well, it was selfish, but Hoseok didn't want to get hurt. And that is what made him nothing but a selfish coward.

He turned his gaze towards the TV in front of him. This was one of the quiet nights they would be able to enjoy for a while since they were preparing their DNA Comeback for September. They were now in the middle of the producing cycle. Recording, editing, making photoshoots, filming some previews and learning choreographies for their new songs. While those activities could be exhausting, they were rather calm compared to the work they would have after their comeback. They would have to promote daily and on top of that, they would have to complete their WINGS tour. Hoseok knew they'd be ready by then but for now, it was nice having a little bit more of a relaxed schedule. While him, Suga and Namjoon took the time to produce and edit their upcoming album, the rest of them worked on their vocals and their dancing. Or more like Jin and Jungkook did.

Taehyung and Jimin were far too popular to use their free time only for improving their skills. Even though, they daily went into vocal training and dance practice, as soon as the lessons were over, they would leave to meet some friends and hang out with them. Hoseok was happy to see them both spending time with people they didn't get to see much of. Specially since over the course of the years, Hobi had lost so many friends, he couldn't even remember their names anymore. The tight schedules took all of his time and in a point old friendships had become secondary matters, until they was nothing left of any of them. That's why he was proud of V and Jimin who managed to make friends and stay with them even when they were so busy. That was something really worthy of admiration. 

He took a deep breath and finally rose from the couch he had been lying on, he was feeling sleepy and wanted to rest. However, when he opened the door of his bedroom, he was welcomed by the sight of Jimin with one short girl. She quickly bowed at him and he responded with the same polite gesture. "Night, Hobi- hyung" Jimin greeted him with a smile. "If you want to sleep already, we will move to the living room" the younger continued using a tender voice as he took the one earphone he had been wearing off. Hoseok could tell that the pair had apparently been listening to music, since the girl was wearing one earphone as well. "No, it's fine. I'll come back later" Hoseok responded with a flat tone, completely unamused. He turned away and left the room with a serious expression plastered in his face. It was no secret to anybody that Hoseok was a bright character. He was usually smiling and his laugh was never absent, but the truth is that the people who smile and laugh the most are probably the ones who carry the most pain inside.

By now, finding Jimin in the company of girls had become quite customary, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. At least, he was grateful that Jimin wasn't as reckless as to go out with fans.  The girls who he invited were old friends of his or part of the BTS crew. Still, Hoseok hated that fact. He hated that Jimin was so flirtatious. He hated that the younger was unable to see pass his usual smile. He hated that he had been hiding his feelings under a coat of skinship and fanservice for years and most importantly, he hated the fact that he loved Jimin like this and he hadn't told him yet. With heavy steps, he walked towards the Genius Lab, he deeply hoped that Suga was not too busy so that he didn't send him away. He rang the doorbell and soon someone opened the door, but not exactly the person he had been waiting for.

"Hi Jungkookie. What are you doing here?" Hoseok greeted, entering the nice studio that his hyung owned. "Learning" Kookie answered with a tiny bunny smile. "Suga- hyung is teaching me some lessons on producing" the maknae continued showing the notes he had taken of Suga's teachings. Seriously, he would never really be able to see Kookie as an adult, he was just so cute to grow up. "They're not lessons. I'm just giving you some tips. You just gotta follow your instincts, Jungkookie" Suga said, finally joining the conversation all the way from his computer. "Follow your instincts" Jungkook mumbled out as he wrote the phrase down on his notebook. "You need something, Hoseokie?" Yoongi asked, turning to look at him with expectation. "I need to talk to you, hyung" Hoseok replied feeling a little guilty for Jungkookie who seemed to be having the time of his life by learning to produce from the genius Suga.

Yoongi's expectative expression quickly changed to that of worry. "Jungkookie" he said approaching the maknae "We'll continue tomorrow okay? Go get yourself something to eat" he said handing Jungkook a black credit card. "Woah! Whatever I want?" The youngest asked in awe, receiving the card into his hand. "Anything, you'd like. It'll be my treat" Suga told him with a smile. "Wow! Thank you, hyung" the maknae replied in excitement, leaving the studio in quite a rush. He must've been really hungry. Well, Jungkookie was always hungry. "You know he'll buy a hundred dollars worth of lamb skewers, right?" Hoseok asked with a big smile. "As long as he is happy" Yoongi answered with a little shrug. He then stood up and approached Hobi with a calm mien.

"So who is Jimin with now?" He asked, pretty much reading J Hope's mind. "One of his old friends from dance school" Hobi replied trying for his voice not to break at the comment. But being honest, he wasn't sure of how long he would be able to hold himself together. It was painful. Really painful. "You know, Hoseok- shi" Yoongi started, getting an arm around him. He must've noticed that Hobi was about to break. "I know it's been five years already. If you are really sure that Jiminie will not care for your affections. Maybe it's time to move on" Yoongi spoke, his voice sounding both calm and strong at the same time. However, this was not exactly what Hoseok wanted to hear.

"I can't leave him, hyung. Specially not now" Hobi worded out. His mind starting to haunt him with the images of a desperate Jimin recurring to extreme meassures to relieve his pain. "What do you mean?" Suga asked intrigued, twitching his eyebrow as he shot Hoseok with a questioning gaze. Honestly Hobi felt weak to Yoongi's gaze. Not only because he was younger than him. Also because Suga could freeze hell itself with his eyes. He had the ability to see right into the soul of people with his intense look. It was like he already knew all of Hoseok's secrets and was just waiting for the younger to word out the confirmation. "Hyung, Ji- Jimin...he" Hoseok started but his lips starting quivering. "He what?" Suga questioned, his tone getting a little more impatient.

J Hope buried his face on his hands. He knew what he wanted to say and yet he felt afraid to say it. But he trust Suga, right? Yoongi would know what to do. He was a sensitive and a good big brother to all of them. "I found out that Jimin" Hoseok worded out again, this time sounding a bit more steady. "He cuts himself, hyung!" He spoke, his words almost reflecting panic. With his hands buried into his eyes, he was not able to see how Suga had taken the news. However, he soon found out when he felt Yoongi standing up and pulling him by the arm. "Cmon" the older said with a serious tone that almost made Hoseok regret what he had just told him. As he was dragged out of the Genius Lab by Suga, his mind went completely blank. Only reacting when they stepped into the bedroom he and Jimin shared.

The girl that had been with Jimin was now gone and so the only one left in the room was their dongsaeng, now with both earphones on. Hoseok couldn't move. He saw Jimin pulling out his earbuds as he turned to look at both of his hyungs standing by the door. "Suga- hyung, is there some.." he started but Suga didn't let him continue. "Roll up your sleeves" Yoongi ordered making Jimin go visibly pale. "Wha- what?" The latter asked nervously. "Why- why? No!" Jimin spoke, his voice being extremely unsteady. But Yoongi didn't flinch, and so he decided to voice his order again: "Jimin, roll up your sleeves before I take that damn hoodie off myself"