Blink; brendan gallagher

[ Chapter 12 ] • It Was Like I Blinked •

-

Tessa stirred her coffee nonchalantly as her and Mabel talked in the quaint café not far from Tessa's work. "This woman won't clear me to go back to work. It's annoying because I've told her like everything-"

"Except you haven't," Mabel interrupted. "You haven't given her the real story about you an Brendan." Mabel laughed. "I bet once you tell Brendan the truth, and your therapist, she clears you."

"I shouldn't have too," Tessa mumbled under her breath and looked down, she stopped stirring. She could feel Mabel's judging glare, and hesitantly looked up. "Well it's not like we're a thing so it really doesn't matter."

"What?" Mabel gave her head a shake. "What do you mean you aren't a thing? Literally everyone has assumed you were because Brendans been blowing everyone off to take care of you."

"Well we aren't," Tessa shrugged.

Mabel stared her down again. Waiting for a better answer from her best friend.

"I don't know what we are. Everything's changed, it's all fucked up now," Tessa sipped her coffee. "He said he loved me and I couldn't say it back alright?"

"You didn't say it back?" the skepticism dropped from Mabel's voice.

Tessa rolled her eyes, "Drunk me said it. Drug induced me has said it. I haven't been able to admit it sober because I don't know- I don't think I love him."

"You're full of crap," Mabel sighed. "Just man up and tell him that you love him. You just have commitment issues," Mabel ripped a piece of her doughnut off and ate it. "You should tell your therapist that, then tell her about your real relationship with Brendan."

"I'm not even talking to Brendan right now-"

"What?!" Mabel silently gasped, "How the fuck did you manage to fuck shit up this bad?"

"I don't know," Tessa ran a hand through her hair and glanced out the window. "I have no idea how I ended up in this mess. My life is the big fuck up right now and I don't know how to fix it."

"Be honest with yourself," Mabel commented. "I think that's what your therapist wants so you might as well try it."

Tessa watched the snow lightly fall out the window, melting as it hit the pavement of the sidewalks and streets. "I don't know how to do that. How am I supposed to be honest with myself when I don't know what I'm feeling."

"Okay, try this. Pretend like love isn't the emotion you're trying to figure out. When you think of Brendan how do you feel?" Mabel asked.

Tessa thought for a moment. "I guess happy and horny." Mabel laughed and so did Tessa. "I love him as one of my friends, that I'm sure of."

Mabel reached across the table and held one of her friends hands. "You'd know in your heart if you loved him as more than a friend."

"How did you know?" Tessa asked.

Mabel thought about it for a moment. "It was like one day I thought about my future and who I wanted in it... and when I thought about you I was happy, and when I thought about Tom- There was another feeling. Like everything was more focused and clear... and I saw myself and him happy, and that's when I knew I loved him as more than a friend." Mabel sighed contentedly. "It was like my future got a whole lot less scary in a way because I knew he would be there through everything."