My Lust For Him

Shedded Tears

Kiera's POV

3 months ago...

Have you ever cried so much that you didn't think there were any tears left to shed? I have...

When Kylie, my best friend started dated my soul mate... Kyle. Even his name sounds glorious, it sends shivers down my back... just like how his voice does when he calls my name.

His eyes are gorgeous, a lot prettier than mine. They shimmer in the sun, sparkle when he laughs, but the best thing about them are that they glitz and dance around when he smiles. His eyes are hazel and they are full of green, light green, light yellow, dark brown, and light brown. They are full of beauty while mine are just plain blue.

His smile lights up the room and every time he smirks his cute little dimple shows up. His hair is a shaggy brown. His bangs slope on his face and cover his eyes which is a pity because they can make your heart melt.

He's always able to break the silence when it's awkward with a funny joke. He is so humorous and he makes me feel closer to him because of his personality.

But my whole world crashed and burned when she took him away... he was no longer on the market. But like he would date me anyway. I mean I'm ugly and wouldn't fit with him as a good couple. He's the stereotypical good guy that all the girls want. Why would I ever be on his list of girls to date... if I was I'd be at the bottom.

It's hard to know that your soulmate doesn't feel the same about you and is dating your best friend, the stereotypical pretty girl on the cheerleading squad that all the guys want. She's athletic, skinny, tan, pretty, is good at getting what she wants, and good at talking to guys.

Me, I'm literally a potato. I sit in my room, watch YouTube, eat food, play video games, and still manage to keep a good weight. But I don't think I'm pretty, I don't wear makeup, I say what's on my mind, and I'm not fake. Well, I wasn't until I had to act that way in front of her.

I've practically been a lazy, couch potato my whole life... well I wasn't, I used to be athletic, and happy all the time, until...

Until I was diagnosed with cancer at 18 years old, at the beginning of this year. I was a freshman in college, had good grades, everything was fine until my happy life left me...

I haven't been the same since, it made it worse when I found out that she was dating him. I'm in college and their dating but it's different...

I have to take a lot of medication for my cancer, my chemotherapy, my anxiety, my asthma, and to top it all off, my depression had just come back. Everything changed, in a blink of an eye.

But there was a lot of lonely nights crying, screaming, and trying to figure out... why is this all happening to me? But I knew the answer...

it was my actions that was going to happen next with Kylie's boyfriend. Everything that I've gone through had come to this... this is my breaking point, the end of my whole world.

Losing my only friend that I could rely on to back me up and be there for me, the guy I'm in love with, and it just so happens that there's now a baby added into the mix...

Now I just have to figure out how to tell my parents that I'm pregnant. And pray on my life that the baby doesn't have nearly as many issues as I do or a fucked up life.

And hopefully I live long enough to give birth to my child and that I won't die because of my cancer during its growth in me. I'd rather die after, give birth and let the baby have a good life, a better life than I ever had. That this world is forgiving toward my child after everything that I've done.