FAKE

PART IV: EVELYN

NOVEMBER 2017

I: one left

It's been close to a month since my split with Andrew and it has definitely not been the same. I feel like everything just has gone down him and there's only one friend I have left. Evelyn. I'm so extremely terrified at what Ashely is going to try to do to break us apart. After the whole scandal with Andrew, I confronted her about it multiple times still and she kept saying that she had no idea about the confession that night. How did Ashely get the video though? Has she been hacking through everyone's phone looking at what they have. Has she been hacking into my close friends accounts? I think that's a crime if she does that and if anything ever happens with Evelyn, I will end her. I will turn her in. I'm super surprised that I haven't already. It's a miracle that I haven't gone to authorities about all of this. I think it's because I have no proof that she indeed is the one doing all of this. It's only speculation, probably accurate speculation. The messages are all from a blocked number meaning that it could just about be anyone. When Ashley slips up and I finally catch her doing all of this shit, that will be the end of her. I'm not going to rest calmly until she stops this once and for all. She's pure evil. I really wish that I had never met Ashely in my entire life and that this would've never happened to me, that I would've been spared from this mess. Maybe Ashley is doing me a favor though and her having all this dirt and causing me to split from my friends, that's actually spread light on who the real people are. Who the fakes are. I thank Ashely for that at least. I despise all of them except for Evelyn. I don't necessarily want to talk to Evelyn but she's the only person I have right now. I could always go back to Clarissa if I really wanted to but I don't really want to bother her right now, not with this mess at least. She already has to deal with living under her own roof and with her boyfriend. She doesn't have the protection from our parents and our house in this shitty town. All though it's filled with snakes, they never come into our house to bite. It's a safe place really. Maybe that's why I can't completely say that I hate it. Nothing bad has ever happened to me in this town or in the comfort of my own home.

I'm aware that Evelyn slept with Andrew, or I can assume. Both of them never really told me much of what happened after the video other than they "kissed" but that's not what the video portrayed. Maybe my mind is just going to dark places, maybe it's the truth. There's no telling. Maybe later on there will be a full video but I certainly don't want to see it. Fuck that. A month has been enough torture for me. I'm definitely not going to go back to Andrew, not again. I'm not going back to Jason, Ashley, or Andrew anytime soon. Maybe never. I don't want to see their lying faces. They really let me down and these past 3 months have left me so fucking hurt it's insane. Like I've said a million times, I want to go back to the old days. The old days where I had good friends, when I was happy. But were they always good friends? Have they always been so fake but I was too naive to even notice? I have come to the conclusion that this was destined to happen because if not, imagine me years from now believing that they were everything to me and I was everything to them. My whole life would've been just a big lie. I'm so glad that this happened to me now and that I'll never have to associate with them again.

My parents don't know about me splitting from Andrew though and I'm terrified to tell them. They liked him. I loved him. And now I don't.

It feels like such a big fat giant black hole in my heart that I will never be able to get rid of. I walk downstairs from my room and grab a tub of ice cream from the freezer, dipping a spoon in it. Eating my feelings just like I always do. I feel better when I eat, there's just something so comforting and happy about it when I don't feel comfortable or happy at all. I honestly think this is the worst I've ever been in. After the whole Ashely scenario, I did feel down but I moved on because I had Jason, Andrew, and Evelyn all there to support me. When Jason and I cut ties, it really hurt and left a gap in me but I was so in love with Andrew and had Evelyn that it didn't matter. Now that Andrew and I have ended things, Evelyn is my only last standing friend. It's insane to think how fast your life can change. Just a few weeks ago I was so in love and now I feel so empty and so lonely. Next week is our thanksgiving break from school and I hope I can take that time to breathe. To relax from all the stress from both my personal issues and school. I hope I can get Andrew out of my mind. I need to get Ashely out of my mind. If I let her stick there, I will never achieve happiness ever again. What is done is done and I'm not any of their friends anymore. I should stop feeling sorry for myself and move on.