The Girl Behind The Lens | S.M. (Discontinued)

Part 23- Hopeless

"Afraid to be alone again, I hate this..."

- Shawn Mendes, "In My Blood"
~~~

"Ellie! I didn't expect you to be here" Shawn said as placed his phone on his back pocket.

I looked down at my shaking hands and hid them behind the cash register, so that Shawn couldn't see them. I took some deep breaths, to at least look normal. I don't want Shawn being suspicious.

"Well, I was passing by and I wanted to surprise you. So...surprise!" She smiled and went over to give him a hug.

As he hugged back, his eyes locked with mine. They were like magnets, pulling me deeper and deeper. It's so easy to say I am gonna be over him when I think about it in my room alone, but seeing those charming eyes and saying it in my head now, it's so fucking hard.

Now I truly get why people take at least a year to forget someone. They just lure you in and somehow bring back the feelings you tried to so hard to forget and manipulate them, just to hurt you.

"I have to do my shift though. You don't mind?" He asked as his eyes disengaged with mine.

"No! It's not like this place gets crowded. We can talk when no one's here" she said and sat by that table.

That table where I first met Shawn as he wrote down his phone number on the napkin. It seems like ages ago, almost like a dream.

That me frown, as the amazing memory was replaced when Ellie and Shawn sat down together just now.

I sat in the stool by the cashier and placed my headphones back, not wanting to be part of that conversation. The mood I was started to set in made me change my playlist into something more....sad than before.

I can't say depressing because, I know what that feels like and this is not it.

"My boy's being sus', he was shady enough, but now he's just a shadow" I mouthed to the lyrics as I looked out the window, into the busy street.

I tried as hard as I could to distract my brain with being nice to consumers, listening to music, and even playing "Rules of Survival" for a few minutes but nothing. Nothing stopped me from my head to pay extreme attention toward Shawn.

I could see from the corner of my eye how they talked and laughed about everything. Shawn took some breaks from the chit-chat when a customer came in, but this is not Starbucks so only ten to eleven customers came in during the past hour or less.

But with this, I noticed why Shawn is taking so much to leave Ellie. It's because Ellie is not the person sitting in that chair.

The real Ellie would be blabbering gossip and shit about me. Flipping her hair, using that silly, annoying voice. This random girl here, let's call her Sam, is sweet and nice. She talks less and pays attention to what Shawn has to say. Like it's just the two of them in the world.

I guess it's true. You can have two identities.

I could puke into the trash can beside me if I wanted to, but I didn't want to seem extra in front of the true drama queen.

But I also felt somewhat happy, because now I knew that Shawn is capable of looking for greater friends and as the time passes, he will move on. Maybe Sam here is not a good choice, but there are other people he will be able to get along with.