The Girl Behind The Lens | S.M. (Discontinued)

Part 30 - Never Felt Better

"Even ten years from now If you haven't found somebody I promise, I'll be around..."

- Shawn Mendes, "When You're Ready"
~~~

My breathing deepened, as my head rested on top of Shawn's chest that lifted up and down so carefully.

The moment seemed surreal. Everything I feared might happen to us just vanished, being replaced by the total opposite. This might just be a really good dream.

We are friends again. Who would have ever thought of that? I don't need to miss him anymore because he is going to be right there from now on. We may start from zero, because of all that has happened, but at least I got him back, and that's all that I wished for.

Of course it's going to make my feelings for him grow more, if that's even possible, but I need to try all in my power to make it go away. I don't want my feelings to meddle, more like ruin, everything again.

I would rather have a constant battle inside my head than to not ever talk to him.

It just brings me joy.

The thing that shocked me the most was when he expressed his feelings, something he has always been able to do with me but just became harder in this situation. It's like he was more afraid of letting me see he was vulnerable around me so he decided to hide them and just...push me away.

That was the moment I realized that even the most different persons, like us, in the terms of feelings can share so much.

It hurt of course because even though it was his fault that time, I did the same thing first. I pushed him away when he confessed, just because I felt puzzled. He didn't deserve it.

I am conscious of my actions but I am afraid that lying and pushing away is in my blood. I can't help it.

"What...the...fuck" Shawn said and I pull myself out of my world.

I shot my eyes toward his face and see his jaw drop. I look at the big screen and end exactly as shook as him.

This movie is messed up.

The screen went black and instantly you could hear the people start arguing or the faint cries muffled by their hands. I was neither. I just couldn't get any words to come out.

Shawn and I walked silently out of there, almost like robots. I already missed being cuddled up in his arms when I shouldn't. We went toward our meeting place when we see the two girls talking non-stop, probably about the movie.

"How was the movie?" I asked when we were close enough.

She didn't answer right away because she was looking at something on the floor, I must guess.

Shawn and I both look down when it wasn't what I thought, only that we were holding hands. How did I not feel that?

We both instantly let go and I glue my hand to my leg.

"It was good, super fun" Aaliyah said, changing the topic. But I was busy trying to calm myself internally and blocking Isabelle's smirk toward me.

"How was yours?" she asked.

"It was really shocking and...sad" Shawn managed to say, his cheeks rose pink. I even could feel mine heating up.

"Well sadly, it's time for us to go..." Shawn frowned and the girls groaned.

"Aww" I managed to say to contribute, trying as hard as I could to not let my excitement out.

They don't even have a clue.