The Girl Behind The Lens | S.M. (Discontinued)

Part 28- Bad Habits

"What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on..."

- Shawn Mendes, "A Little Too Much"
~~~

"Where do you girls want to go first?" I said as we starter walking to the normally crowded mall.

The two girls were behind me talking away, probably about school gossip and which boys they like.

Not that I am stereotyping but that is literally Isabelle. She likes any hot guy that breathes. I don't blame her, I passed through the phase myself, but it has gone way over the line. She does not only likes celebrities, but boys that walk around us.

The longest "crush" has been the guy from Burger King that we can't buy anything from there until it's his shift, which is a 5 o'clock and I am way too hungry by then. But I put up with it, because I like seeing her act "normal" and sneak up a photo of him. Sometimes she fakes she's taking a selfie.

"H&M please!" Isabelle says and I roll my eyes.

As we walk toward the store, I look at all the girls walk past me.

I don't like shopping because of various reasons but the one that ticks me off the most is all those skinny girls with their expensive bags.

To be honest, some of them are bitches that are just walking around in heels to show off how rich they are and brush it on other's faces. Others are humble and use this time to feel confident and maybe even pretend to be someone much braver for just one afternoon, that makes their self-esteem boost up. I admire them a lot but honestly, I am neither.

I always feel like I don't fit in and because of that everyone is staring at me constantly, which is especially awkward. You feel this pressure to be at your best, to look your best because how others view you is really important. The world stops spinning, and it's just you panicking on how to act, talk, and even stand. Every movement passes through the human's eye. And this happens not only here, but most other places I go, especially school.

What I hate the most is trying on clothes. It's sort of disappointing and sad when, for example, a shirt you really like for the first time in a while doesn't fit because it's for people thinner than you, and there isn't a bigger size. That's why I don't like H&M most of the time, the are specially made for petites. It's rare when I find something for me that isn't really revealing or too short. Just not my style.

As soon as I gave her the money, Isabelle and Aaliyah run like it's Black Friday into the store, not even letting me time to tell them I wasn't going to go in. I decided to go with the easy way and texted Isa to wait for me by the benches in front of the store. When I hit send, I walked down the hall, the smell of Starbucks coffee hitting me, when I instantly remember what store is nearby.

I pick up my pace and head straight for Hot Topic, where I am consumed by the sound of "Emperor's New Clothes".

I smiled since this is just my type of music, and the store is my type of vibe. Don't get me wrong, I like most Pop songs but Panic! At The Disco is my weakness. I can just listen to it all day, not bothering to even stand up from my bed. Just to stare at the ceiling, admiring every ounce of each song ever written.

I don't listen to music just because. I like to pay attention to every detail, understand each lyric, and find the meaning behind it all. I find music as art and a way of speech, not just a way to pass time.