The Intern // 5 Seconds of Summer

Emotionless by Good Charlotte

This always seems to happen. Any time I'm alone for more than an hour, things seem to go downhill for me. I can't help but over analyse everything that's happened before this tour.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that I got the chance to join 5SOS and Lou on this tour. I've never been so greatful. I mean, I'm not at home. I'm not in college or university. I'm not doing some dumb job I'll regret in a few years.

And my dad's dead. He can't hurt me anymore. Right? Ghosts don't exist. Life is for the living... but when I'm in moods like this, I'm not exactly living. What am I?

Ashton, Michael, Calum and Luke all decided to have a great snooze on our 7 hour ride to St-Petersburg. Apparently, from their little entrance story, they were out late celebrating their tour so far. It was them, Gifted but Twisted and their little tech crew. Lou said she didn't exactly get invited, but I think she's just saying that. 

I think she's trying to keep me from getting distracted. I have all these papers to sign, it'll take so long.

I push my pikachu to the end of the bunk and pull my pillow to my chest, inhaling the dull scent of laundry detergent. 

I'm sorry I'm so clingy. Wow. Wow. FUCKING WOW. 

I need to pull away. I need to distant myself. I can't look desperate. How does this dating thing even work? Don't look desperate. Maybe he thinks you're desperate. That's why you weren't invited. Maybe he kissed someone else. Maybe he regrets any kindness he's shown me. I can't help but take a mile when offered an inch. This niceness is something I'm not used to.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Don't get your hopes up. Maybe you're not even his type. I mean, you're a skinny twig who's 5'7 with stupid dyed hair and a nose ring. Also you're shit and you're mean to them and why would Ashton want anything to do with you?

I grip my pillow tighter to me, feeling the familiar of nausia and lightheaded take over my body and I just squint my eyes shut, trying to fight the tears trying to break through. Not here. No, not here.

I rush up, tossing my pillow on the side, open the door, close the door and run into the little washroom, quickly leaning over the toilet.

I lay with my face in my hands over the toilet, ignoring the germs and let my body take it's toll. I sit there, dry heaving and wheezing for a good five minutes before I hear a quiet knock on the door.

"R-Ryan?" It's Michael. "You okay?" I assume he's leaning against the door now cause I hear another knock. 

"Oh. Y-yeah." I nod, even though he can't see me. I don't want him to see me like this. I need to show I'm tough. No emotions. I wipe my eyes again. "Just bus sick." 

"Are you sure?" He says. "I can wake Ashton..."

"No!" I say a bit too quick but regain myself. "I'm okay." I stand up, pulling down the shirt Ashton gave me down, unwrinkling it. I open the door quickly and see Michael, pink face fresh from waking up. I smile at him and try to get by but he continues blocking the door.

"You were crying." He says, opening his arms and pulling me close.

I open my mouth to protest but he just squeezes me more into his chest. I just sigh and accept it by wrapping my arms around his waist, hugging him back.

"Aw! You guys are getting along!" Ashton giggles.

I pull away from Michael and look in the other direction but not before shooting Michael a glare of please dont tell him.

"What's going on?" Ashton asks, punching Michael lightly in the arm. "I thought I heard coughing." He looks at Michael than at me.

I stay quiet for a moment before I open my mouth. "I just wa-"

"I think I'm getting a cold again." Michael says, interrupting me quickly.

"Michael." I shake my head. "Could we be alone?" I ask and look up to him.

I guess I looked at pitiful as I felt cause he nodded, heading back towards the bunks and closing the door behind him. I nod and sit down at our little table, Ashton sitting across from me. I just sigh and I feel my chest tighten again. No, not now. Please. C'mon.

I open my mouth but choke out a little sob, quickly slamming my head into my arms which are crossed infront of me on the table. I breath in and out, the way I had read worked and kept my mouth shut to avoid any more gagging and wheezing.

"Ryan?" Ashton says, getting up in a panic. He kneels down beside me, his head cocking to the side to see under my arms to check my face. "What's wrong? Are you gonna barf? Oh god, please don't barf." He rubs his hand on my back. "Are you allergic to something? Did Michael say something mean? I'm sure he didn't mean it... He's just a bit weird and can't help but say what he feels ten times worst than he means for it to be. He's really just a teddy be-"

"Ashton..." I say, lifting my head but wheeze once before looking up. "I'm sorry."

"What? Why?" He squints his eyebrows.

"Just... I don't know..." I hiccup a sob. "I feel like I should be." 

"C'mer, babe.." He says, pulling me from my chair to face him. He wraps his arms around my waist so my arms around his neck and he stands up, lifting me off the ground.

I wrap my legs around his waist and hold onto him tight.

"It's okay..." He kisses my neck. "You know what? That's my favourite shirt. I wouldn't just give it to anyone. I even fight the boys from wearing it." He smiles and pulls away so I can see him. 

"Well, thanks?" I chuckle.

He puts me down and kisses me forehead but quickly lifts his hand to wipe my tears.

"I don't wanna see you cry again." He says, lifting my chin and kissing me gently.

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Authors note:

didn't go over and edit/correct this yet my bad. Sorry for the late updates. There's only like 5 more chapters left. I'll be updating a lot more once school is over. Just you guys wait!!!

Don't forget to check out the others in my reading lists.

I know this story is cliché guys I'm just trying to hurry and finish it. I would of deleted but I dont wanna leave you guys hanging so I'll just finish it and yeah. please be nice