The Intern // 5 Seconds of Summer

Skin and bones by The Foo Fighters

"Ryan? Ryan?"

"Mom? What's wrong? Why is Joe talking so loud?" I say, hearing the panic, anger and maybe sadness in my moms voice.

"Ryan? Why aren't you answering me? We don't talk for a few weeks and you think you're queen of the world, eh?"

"Mom, I'm right here. What's wrong?"

"Joe, shut the fuck up!"

"Mom..."

"Ryan, sometching bad happened. Maybe you'll want to come home but I want you to calm down and not over think what I'm about to tell you. Just calm the fuck down, stop shouting at me. Jesus fucking Christ."

"Okay?" I say, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Well, you're father...."

"What about him? You didn't give him my number, right?" I say, shrugging towards Lou. 

"No, of course not. I can't."

"Good." I say, sighing and sitting on the edge of my bed. Lou raises her brows at me.

"Not like that. I can't because, well... Your father passed away."

I just drop my phone and the same as my jaw. My whole body goes limp and my fingers fail and drop my phone. What? What? How could this be? Wait, is this good or bad? He had never been amazing to me and the nicest thing he had ever done for this family was leave. 

Why do I feel bad?

"Ryan? Ryan?" 

"Uh..." I shake my head around as I hear my moms voice, this time from the floor on the ground. I quickly pick it up and use both hands to hold it to my face.

"Are you coming home?" 

"Why would I come home?"

"Cause your fathers funeral is next week, don't you want to be there?"

"No. I don't." I say and bite my lip. 

"But he's your father. You love him, he loved you."

"The only love he ever showed me is him raising his hand to strike me but decide to yell instead." I nearly shout into my phone. I hang up at my mom instantly and throw my phone as hard as I can to the floor.

Smash. 

Well, there goes my white girl status card.

"Ryan? What was that for?!" Lou says stumbling to get close to me but avoiding the broken phone now.

"He's dead." I shake my head. "He's fucking dead. How can this be? What the hell..." I put my head in my hands,

I feel like I might cry. The tears are bottle up deep inside but I can't seem to explode like a normal person would. Maybe that's what he gets for wasting all my tears on him just only a few years ago.

I don't feel sadness, or anger, or happyness. Maybe indifferent.., but I can't. I can't cry, and I can't let go.

He's my dad. I need to lover him, I should. Its... Its.. Weird! I'm a freak!

But he did this himself. He.. He raised his goddamn hand to me! 

"Ryan..." Lou says, putting her hand on my shoulder.. "You look like you're going to explode." 

"I don't know." I shake my head. "I don't know."

"Well, you can stay here.. I won't make you work." She says, pulling me into a hug.

"I want to go." I say. "I..uh, well.. Ashton. I think I wanna talk to him.

"Okay." She says smiling and pulling away. "First things first, new replacement phone." She says, squatting and picking up what little is left of my phone.