Thankful for Life's Many Blessings ✔

002

Letters to my uncaring ex-boyfriend, James

Dear James,

why on Earth did you choose to leave? Is it that because I yelled at you to stay away from your friend's father? Is it because I didn't approve of your job? Is it because I didn't agree to your absurd plan of a trip to Las Vegas on a motorbike?

Please, give me an answer, I don't want to be left hanging forever.

I never thought you'd leave like that, yet you did. Why, may I ask? Did my feelings for you ever become less? Are you going to make me suffer for the rest of my life? If so, please, tell me.

Do you remember Loren, your ex? Do you remember when she berated us for being more than just friends? She never liked me, you know that. I remember every single time you, out of embarrassment, stayed silent when she was belittling me. I know you don't give a fuck about her anymore, but do you still care about me?

I know that in the deepest of your heart you do, but I'd like you to actually show me. I can't trust your words anytime. You promised me too many things without being ever able to keep those promises. Remember that I'm disappointed in you for that.

Please answer as soon as possible, I'd like to read your words at least one more time. Tell me you still care about me. I know, I'm being repetitive, but I need to know.

Thank you for your attention.

Yours sincerely,
Brogan

***

Dear Brogan,

I do care about you. I won't say, "Trust me," once again, since I know you don't believe me anymore.

I'm desperate. I can’t get every single time I didn’t stand by your side out of my mind. I should’ve never stayed behind when you were addressed all those awful words, not only about your bright and witty personality, but even for matters such as your ethnicity! People didn’t like the two of us being together, but still I didn’t have the courage of shutting them up.

Thoughts of what I did have been haunting me every single night. I can't sleep anymore. There are times when I cry thinking of you, yet I remind myself to man up and stop weeping for God's sake.

My life has never been the same since I met you for the first time. I remember clearly when you were all alone in that room, your head low, your mind absent, your eyes not meeting anyone else's. Though, I noticed you. I saw you in all your brilliance, and the first thing I did was asking you out for just one dance. I thought that would be our only moment together. It ended up being just the first of many pleasant, lovely moments together.

I'm not mad at you for telling me to stay away from that psycho of Axel, along with his friends. You were right, he's a serious heroine addict. Dad did the right thing to kick his ass straight to rehab. I’ve been too stupid to realize that my step-brother was anything but a good person. Maybe you could have refrained from yelling, but you still surprised me and reminded me that I am a way better person than the fag I chose quite willingly to be a role model. So, thank you for opening my eyes.

Because you mentioned my job: come on, Brogan, be sensible! It's a very well-paid one - I mean, getting a job at Mob Strike has been a dream of mine all my teen years. You know, not only do you get to know the tricks of the job, you also hang out with some of the toughest bikers in the area. But, probably, you won't understand at all, since you hate motorbikes.

If you actually showed some interest in my passions, then we could've travelled together, yet that never happened. You can't pretend that I am the only one who has to like any of your absurd hobbies while you don’t put the same effort in our relationship the other way around! Because of you, I took up cooking, which I dislike because I'm nowhere near being a decent cook. Nonetheless, you still found a reason to call me out because of my alleged sexism.

If you still believe I'm being sexist just because you misinterpreted my words, then I'm really sorry, but this relationship can't go on any further. You are always the first one to say that relationships are based on trust, though you're the first one who proved unable to actually trust me. Why, if I may ask?

Do you really think I deserve this treatment? Be honest with me, I think I've told you everything you need to know.

Thank you for understanding.
James

***

James,

I read your incredibly long letter and I'm still surprised that you managed to pull off such a novella - I mean, you usually write no more than four or five lines, that's it. If there's a thing you dislike more than cooking, it's writing.

To be clear, I think you're being the sour bitch, not me. I thought you'd stop retaliating for once. I expected you to refrain from making this mistake once again. Well, you did. Moreover, you did nothing to fix things.

I actually did try and show a little of genuine interest in what you like, but I swear I just couldn't. I didn't want to be fake, but you were trying to turn me into someone else. It didn't work, fortunately for my own sanity.

How stupid have I been to believe that you'd try to change and actually show me that you want to stay with me. For instance, rather than writing this lengthy letter, you could've bothered to come to me and talk to me, face to face. The fact that you didn't, proves that you're a coward after all.

I won't take that volatile behavior from you anymore. Since you didn't show up to have a civil talk with me, I won't have any hesitation to write down my true feelings.

James, you're right. We're over. We can't make this work anymore. And, before you write me again accusing me of being overly dramatic: well, it's your fault. You never believed in the two of us, so I guess I was just a puppet in your hands. I don't want that, got it?

So, I don't have much else to say, I guess. Hopefully you'll learn from your mistakes, and so will I. There's always hope for everyone, or, at least, that’s what I think.

Take care,
Brogan

P.S.: Don't write me again unless you want to come to me and sort things out. I don't need some bullshit written on paper. I want your eyes to meet mine. Sorry for repeating myself.