Thankful for Life's Many Blessings ✔

007

Letters to my broken childhood friend, Pagan

Dear Pagan,

may I ask you a couple of questions? Just a few, don't worry. My main intention is not to go third-grade on you, so trust me.

First of all, why are you harming yourself? What's the point in doing so? I mean, you're so smart, diligent and, let me tell you, also quite hot. So, why do you want to end this all? Is there something I should know? Please, tell me.

I can't bear with your suffering at all. When I look into your eyes, I can see the pain and the grief you've been facing all your life. I can't relate to you because, unlike you, I have a family. Though, believe me: having an unloving family is exactly like not having one: you can't rely on anyone and are forced to take all that stuff up on yourself. Is this actually what you want? I know you don't, so don't be upset at life.

Life is good, don't forget that. It's a gift from nature, and we must not abuse that. This means, you can't think seriously of suicide; that would be stupid and a sign of weakness. You've got to be strong if you want to face adversaries, otherwise how can you deal with every aspect of life?

Okay, I'm being too talkative and maybe a little overbearing, but, let me tell you again, your life is too precious to be wasted. There was a time in my life when I was exactly like you: I thought it would be pointless and make no sense; there were days when I wanted to put an end to all that shit. Yet, a voice inside me told me that I had to stop self-pitying and react. I hope you'll do, too.

Remember that, whenever you're in serious trouble, you have to rely on people. You can't sort problems out all by yourself, it won't make you any good.

Take care and let me know what I can do for you.

Yours sincerely,
Brogan

***

Dear Brogan,

it's so nice that you want to keep an eye on me, but, seriously, you don't need to. I think I can take care of myself, and I learnt that the hard way when I found out that no-one could lend me a hand anymore. Really, I've been so fucked up all my life that I never realized that someone would try and save me. Thank you, but no. I don't need to be saved. I think I can handle all this stuff on my own. (Okay, I'm being repetitive.)

I guess your mother and father tried hard to have everything ready for you. They pampered you, they protected you, you were their princess to them, the most precious thing they've ever had in their lives. So, you may ask me, "Why have you never had any of this?"

There’s no answer, actually. I was born without a family, or this is what I think. I've never even had a father who'd scold me every time I didn't do the chores or got into some accident. I've never had a mother who'd cradle me every time I was crying. Seriously. It looks like I don't have your same notion of "family". Nonetheless, I'm happy this way, too. Anything can be a family.

I know, I know, your idea is way different from mine, but I respect it. This is what diversity is about, and I like it.

Don't worry about me, I can handle my own life. Just try not to break yours, because the pieces are too many to pick up and you're fragile, I can feel that.

Yours sincerely,
Pagan

***

D

ear Pagan,

just be honest with yourself. I know you're struggling, so there's no need to hide that. You'll be much happier knowing that you can rely on someone rather than pretending that everything is going to be okay even though it's not.

I've never thought of you as a friend, so I'd like to try and actually be your friend. Do you agree with me? Well, I have to warn you that I'm a pretty complicated person and don't like that anything is taken for granted, for instance.

Though, if you still think that sincerity is the most valuable quality in a person, then you've just found a confidant. I mean, if you want. You're not forced to accept my offer.

I know your life is so messed up, and this is why I want to support you with every single mean, since this is what friends do. Would you accept to support me back if I help you? Okay, this question is kind of pointless. I know you would accept, for that you're so friendly and nice to everybody.

Giving life a second chance is never easy, and this is why you need full support from people, otherwise you'll just drown into your own problems. You can't always run away. That's not the solution. Don't you think that, if you face trouble as it is, you're bound to be doomed because you're not strong enough to face. You're doomed as long as you don’t believe in yourself.

So, don't stop believing in yourself. And stop pitying yourself. You don't deserve your own pity as much as sincere love from people who actually care about you. If you pull away when people try to help you, however, you're going to make everything more and more difficult. Don't make that mistake, please. I know people who self-destroyed because of that.

Take care.
Brogan

***

Dear Brogan,

it's nice that you care about me and want to be my friend. That'd be cool, honestly. Thank you for keeping an eye on me, making sure that I'm happy. But, trust me, I am happy, so stop worrying about me.

Also, things have finally picked up a little bit since I quit the job at the computer shop. I felt I was no longer myself. I was literally cracking under pressure, I was feeling like I was constantly under examination. So, I just left. I hope you won't be mad at me for quitting. I'll just find another job, hopefully.

It's been a pleasure to write to you after such a long time. Maybe we could even hang out together one day, what do you think? Please let me know whenever you want, that'd be cool.

I hope to see you again, one day.

Yours sincerely,
Pagan