I Like You a Lot

four

Trigger Warning- self harm, cutting

John's POV

I was awaken by Alex sitting on top of me. "John! Johny! Baby! Wake uppp!" I look up at him and grab him by the waist. I pull him down on top of me and hold him, not wanting to let go. If only this moment could last forever. Alex squirms and tries to get out of my grasp. "John we have classes today! Let me go!" Shit. I forgot we have class!

I let go of him, kiss him, get up, and rush to my dresser. "Babe, what time is it?" He automatically blushes at me calling him that, and looks at his phone screen. "uh, 9:30." Okay, good. I still have 15 minutes until class. I brush my teeth and quickly throw on some clothes from my dresser, with 5 mintutes to get a cup of coffee.

I make a cup, and kiss Alex on the top of the head. "Love you baby boy. I'll see you after class, okay?" I smile, and wave at him. "D- don't call me that..." He waves me goodbye with a red and flushed face, and walks back in the room. I love him so much.

Alex's POV

I walk inside, and collapse on the floor. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve his love. His affection. His time. I don't deserve anything. I begin crying, and sob for at least 10 minutes. I stand up and stumble into the bathroom, and pull up my sleeves to reveal multiple scars covering the inside of my forearm. With shaking hands, I open the drawer and dig until I find a razor blade. I cut my arm. I cut with every thought.

He doesn't love me.

I don't deserve him.

He hates me.

He's better off without me.

I keep going. I think to myself; just one more.

I finally gain self control again, and put the razor away. I clean the blood away from my arm, and pull my sleeve back down. I grab my stuff, and walk out the door to go to class.

John's POV

At lunch, I go to the table with the Schuyler sisters, Laf, and Herc. "Okay. Soo... Laf you can't tell anyone, but me and Alex are... a thing." I whisper to Laf. He opens his mouth wide open and almost screams with excitement. "Mon ami! I'm so proud of you!" He whisper-yells in my ear. "Shh! Laf, nobody can know, okay?" He looks down. "Okayy..."

Time skip brought to you by Yung Gravy--

Alex's POV

I get to the dorm and fall on the bed. John looks at me and frowns. "Are you okay babe? You seem out of it." He walks towards me, and I collapse on his shoulder. "I don't deserve you! You're to amazing, to beautiful!" I sob on him, and I mean every word I say. "Alexander Hamilton, you are the most extraordinary person I have ever met. You deserve everything in the world." He looks at me so sincerely, I just cry even more.

John's eyes widen as he looks at my sleeve. "A-Alex... is that... b-blood?" he stutters and tears grow in his eyes. He grabs my arm and rolls up my sleeve to stare in awe at my cuts. He starts crying. "See? Why would you want to love a mess like me? All I am is trouble. I'm unfixable, John." He looks up at me, and his eyes soften. "Alex, I love you. I love you more than anything in this universe, in this life!" He kisses over each one of my red, puffy scars, and then kisses me. The perfect kiss. the one I need right now. "I love you so much, John. More than life itself. Do you know that?" He sits me on his lap. "what did I do to deserve you, Alex? What did I do?"

We fall asleep just like that. Together.

A.N.

Hi everyone! Sorry for the late upload. I wrote this yesterday, but left it for today since I knew I was going to be busy. How did you enjoy this chapter? It was difficult to write because it brought back bad memories, but I did it for (the very few of) you guys! Btw, thx to the people who are actually reading this. I really appreciate it! I've been rambling for too long ;-;. Bye loves!

-E B^)

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