Clace Best Friends (Slow Updates)

19. Everything

Clary

"Recently, I.....It's been dreaming that Valentine and I are.....in the basement again," I manage. What is Jace going to think of me after this? He already knows I'm broken, ugly, weak, disgusting, and pathetic. Can it get worse? "E....except this time,"I hesitate, "Valentine's mad at me for telling you. H....he's yelling at me as I....I back upto the wall. Then," I stop. I can't say those words to him. Jace can't know. I can't remind him I'm a  used woman. He'll want to leave for sure. But....I can't make him stay here by lying to him. I don't want to say it though....it just makes my blood run cold. I shiver at the thought of saying it.

"Red, you don't have to tell me," Jace sighs. "I shouldn't have pressured you. I'm sorry."

"Jace, y....you should know before you get any deeper into this. Y....you should know what we're running from," I reply.

"Red, all I need to know is that you're in danger, and I'll always protect you," Jace responds.

"No, you need to know what you're fighting for. How....used I am. How unpure I am. How unworth any of this I am," I explain.

"Red, stop it please," Jace pleas. "You're the most beautiful, innocent, caring, and worthy person I've ever met."

"Jace, save your kind words until you know, please," I reply.

"No, my kind words don't change because of someone else's actions. Only yours count towards my opinion of you," Jace argues.

"I need to say this. Let it out. Share it with someone I trust," I begin. Jace nods. "W...when I was 6, my d....Valentine, he started hitting me. It would be for the littlest things. I.....would leave my toys on the ground in my room or spill juice at the table. The first time He did it, I....c...cried to my mom. She tried to tell him not to. She scolded him, but she wasn't in any better with him than I was. In fact, her little 'attitude' as He called it, landed her in more trouble. From that day on, I never asked my mom for help. She never asked me either, it was just an unspoken rule, I guess." I take a deep breath, but make sure not to look at Jace. Can I tell him the rest? Can I tell him what he did after I turned....11? Will he leave me alone in an abandoned warehouse? I would understand......if he did. Jace is a good guy, but I can only stretch him so far. If he left, I'd make sure he knew it wasn't his bad.

"Red, we can stop there if you'd like," Jace supportivly suggests.

"N....no, I've got to tell you everything," I reply. "By the time I was 8, the beatings were regular. I'd get home a minute late, get a "B" on a pop quiz or test, take to long to do something, and everytime......" I can't tell him. If he knew I got beat everytime I went to his house, I don't even know what he'd think. M...Valentine would get mad that I visited him. I thought He thought Jace was taking time away from school and distracting me. Now I realize, Valentine thought Jace one day just might see what he did. That one day I'd tell him because we were so close. That one day Jace and I would.......have sex and Jace would realize how.....used I am.

"I swear I won't be mad, just talk to me please," Jace coaxes.

"You promise," I confirm. "You promise you won't be mad at anyone."

"No, I can't promise I won't be mad at....Valentine," Jace said through clenched teeth.

"You promise not to be mad at anyone else," I ask.

"I promise Red," Jace responds.

"By the time I was 8, the beatings were regular. I'd get home a minute late, get a "B" on a pop quiz or test, take to long to do something, and everytime.....I went to your house or he found out you came to mine," I finish. Jace looks at me and gets off the couch. He paces for a while. That's it! I haven't even told him the worst parts and he already can't look at me. It's your fault Clary! If you weren't so broken, ugly, weak, disgusting, and pathetic, maybe he'd be able to look at you. "Jace, y...you can leave me now," I release him.

Suddenly, he stops pacing and looks directly at me. He slowly walks closer to me. I...is he going to hurt me? He raises his hand and I brace for impact. But, it never comes. I open my eyes to see a shocked Jace. "I...I wasn't......R...Clary. I.....I would never-" Jace turns away from me, and I see him wipe something out of his eye. He sits back on the couch and motions for me to sit next to him. Apprehensivly, I walk closer to him. "Finish Clary, tell me the rest."

I look at a spot in the old black couch. "W....when I got my period, at age 11, m...Valentine took it to another level. Shortly after my first....cycle was over, He started locking me in the basement alone overnight. Y...you probably don't remember me being late to 5th grade, but I was for almost two weeks. M..Valentine just said I woke up late, so the teachers believed him, He's the chief of police after all. After I stopped crying myself to sleep at night, He decided to switch it up. One night, he came into the basement and made me...."

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Would you ever tell someone your everything?

I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted 4/8/18