Clace Best Friends (Slow Updates)

7. The Discussion

Jace

As the sun seeps through the window, and makes it way to my eyes, I remember where I am. In my tight embrace, Red sleeps with a content look on her face. I don't want to move, in fear of waking her. Silently motionlessly I lay in the bed and stare at Red. My hand finds her hair, and my fingers get lost in her curls. "Jace..." Red sleepily begins. "What time is it?"

"It is.....six thirty. Red, you can go back to sleep. It's still pretty early," I answer, and find her hair again.

"Why are you up? Did...did I wake you?" Red nervously asks. "I sorry. I know sometimes I scream and fight while I'm sleeping." What did you do? Red thinks is her fault you're up at six thirty in the morning! You have to make her see it wasn't her fault!

"Red, it's okay. You didn't wake me up. The sun just hit my eyes through the window," I respond. Red's face seems to relax, but I still see a hint of fear...or maybe it's....worry I'll leave her.

"Do you want to trade places, so the sun isn't in your eyes?" Red offers. Seriously! Ugh! I want to kill that bastard! What has he done to my innocent little red. She's the injured one! Ugh! Calm down! You're going to scare her!

"No, I don't want to trade places. You, Red, are the concussion patient. I, Jace, am the healthy person. You need your rest, and I can always turn or something," I explain. Does she really think I'd let her sleep with the sun in her eyes, just so I could get some sleep? I HATE that she thinks so lowly of herself!

"Are you sure? I really don't mind," Red replies. Why can't she see that I'm not going to treat her like her dad did? Maybe you should just tell her straight out.

"Red, I don't want you to keep thinking I'm going to be like your dad. Please, I promise I'll never treat you like that. You're so special! The idea of someone hurting you....it makes me....angry. Angry at them, not you," I confess.

"Jace...I know you'll never treat me like that. I...I deserved it. That's what my....Valentine always told me after....Jace....I know he's right. I don't deserve to be treated like you treat me. I'm a
broken, ugly, weak, disgusting, and pathetic little girl. I...I've been forced to do things....I would never do. I couldn't even fight back because I'm so small and weak. All I could do....was pathetically beg for him to stop. He...he broke me and now I'm just ugly and disgusting. No one wants me," Red cries. I don't even know what to say! What does someone say to that! That's not true. Like she's going to believe me. Please don't think that way. Valentine's literally pounded that into her! Of course she thinks that way! All these years making sure boys left her alone...I just assisted in making her think all of those horrible things.

"Red, I'm sorry. I did something, and I think you're going to hate me," I begin.

"Jace, I won't hate you," Red replies.

"Red.....I made sure boys didn't try to....be with you. I told them that you were off limits," I confess. Red's eyes go wide. Say something! Make it better! "I'm sorry. I was....trying...to...well...I didn't want...you see...I-"

"Jace, I'm not mad. Shocked, yes, but not mad. No one's ever tried to protect me before. I...I didn't really have boyfriends anyways because of...Valentine," Red explains.

"Red, you need to hear me. I need you to be mad at me. I kept boys away from you. I...was selfish, and it helped you believe all of those horrible things Valentine told you. It's my fault boys didn't come near you. Trust me....you're very wantable. Please be mad at me! What I did....it wasn't right," I reply. "How I treated you....it wasn't how you deserve to be treated. You deserved so much better."

"Jace...I avoided boys. It wasn't just them not coming near me. A few...a few boys did, and I always avoided them." Who was stupid enough to cross me? "When I said no one wants me, I meant I'm not good enough to be wanted." I want you! "Not that people avoided me, and now I think all males find me repulsive. I know some boys...they've wanted to date me, but once they knew....I knew they'd leave...That's why I figured you'd leave, after you found out," Red explains.

"First, I need you to be mad at me. I deserve it! Second, you're not good enough to be wanted, you are so much more than enough. Third, I'm not going to leave you! You can push me away, yell at me, ignore me, but I'm not leaving." What if she realizes she doesn't want you? That you're not good enough for her! "Not....unless you want me to. If....if you want me to leave, I-" I begin.

"First, Jace I don't want you to leave," Red interrupts. "Second, who wants me?" Meeeeeeeeeee, I do! Pull it together! "Third, I realize you did wrong, but after all you've done to help my mom and I, I think we're even."

"I don't want to leave...so it's settled. Red...I'm sure there are plenty of boys out there that would find you attractive." Me! Me! Me! "I guess...we can be even, but thank you for realizing I did wrong," I reply.

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How is Jace doing? Is he controlling his feelings?

I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 3/31/18