Clace Best Friends (Slow Updates)

38. Golden Boy

Author's Note: I'm sorry the updates are so slow! I have so many things going on right now. I have like 8 different books going and my personal life it crazy. I know it's not an excuse and I'm sorry.

Clary

Knock knock

I find a kleenex to wipe my eyes and try to make it seem like I wasn't crying. "Come in," my voice sounds raspy.

Jace walks in holding a backpack. "We're you crying?" Jace asks concerned? No, why would Jace care? He just wants you for sex.

"Yeah, it's nothing," I assure him. I don't want to tell him about the baby. I still don't know what I'm going to do with him/her.

"Red, we've been friends for most of our lives. I know when something's wrong," Jace counters. He seems nervous. "I know you're mad at me. You don't have to talk to me at all. It's all upto you. You have the power, the control, just talk to my mom or Izzy or Alec or Robert, just someone." Jace turns around to leave. I want to stop him, to tell my best friend what's bothering me. To tell him Valentine's disgusting sperm impregnated me. To ask him what he thinks. Just to have him hold me while I cry. But I don't. He not my best friend I've known since I was 6. He's a manipulative prick, who wants me for sex. But I still love him! Why? I should hate him. I shouldn't want to ever see him again, but I do. I want to talk to him and to have him hold me. Gosh, what a sick pathetic whimp I am. I hear the door close, telling me Jace is gone. I open the backpack he left. There's my sketchbooks, my mom's sketchbook, her ring, and my picture of her. There's also an envelope. I open it to find a credit card and a letter folded in thirds. I open the letter.

Red,

I know you don't want anything to do with me. It kills me to think you'll never trust me again. Regardless of what you may think, I care about you a lot. I don't want you to go without. Inside the envelope is a credit card. Use as much money as you need to for clothes, hygiene products, whatever you need or want. I don't expect anything in return for this, so don't think I'm trying to buy you or anything. Just keep the credit card in case you ever need to use it.

                                  Golden Boy

I hold back tears as I read it. Golden Boy. I remember when we were coming up with nicknames for him, since he had a nickname for me. First, there was Casanova. That didn't go well, but I understand after Jace explained. Then there was tough guy, which sounded weird. Finally, I came up with golden boy because of his hair. He remembered. I lay on the bed,  crawl into a ball, and cry.

Knock knock

"It's Maryse, may I come in," Maryse says.

I nod and then remember she can't see me. "Yes," I reply. Maryse walks in.

She rushes over to me. "Hon, what's wrong?" Maryse asks concerned.

"Jace wrote me a letter and he signed it 'Golden Boy.' It was just a name I gave him. I shouldn't be crying over it, but that combined with what he wrote, it just made me cry," I explain.

"It's okay, pregnant women are more emotional than they usually are," Maryse assures me. I look at my hands. "What is it child?"

"Please don't tell anyone I'm pregnant, especially not Jace," I quietly plead ashamed.

"Hon, it's not your fault. Valentine did an awful thing, but you didn't do anything wrong. I promise I won't tell a soul," Maryse assures me.

"Thank you," I try to smile.

"I'm going to make dinner. Would you like to join us or I can bring some up," Maryse offers. If I join her, I'll see Jace, but I should say thank you to him for being so kind to me. If I stay in here, then my thoughts will probably eat me up, especially in my current emotional state.

"I'd like to join you all if you're sure it's not an inconvenience," I decide.

Maryse smiles happily. "Not an inconvenience at all. We love your company," Maryse assures me. "I'll be done in about an hour and a half, so I'll come back in to tell you. You're welcome to use the shower to clean up if you want to." I washed myself as much as I could at the hospital, but it'll be nice to shower. I still feel dirty from Valentine....

"Thank you Maryse," I try to smile.

"Of course, if you need anything just come down hon," Maryse says. I nod. Maryse gets up and goes to make dinner, closing the door behind her.

I grab a towel and the clothes Izzy's lending to me and head to the bathroom to shower.

Twenty minutes later

I walk back to the room. I find my mom's picture and decide to talk to her. I know she's dead. Luke told me during one of his visits during my week stay, but I just want my mom. I decide to write her a letter in the notebook Maryse gave me.

Mom,

What am I going to do? I can't abort the baby, but I don't want to put it in foster care either. I'm not ready to be a mom. When someone has a child, they're supposed to have a someone to help them, but I will never let my child or any child near him. He doesn't even deserve to know he has a child.

Mom, I wish you were here. I wish you could talk to me and help me. I feel so confused and alone and scared and unprepared and conflicted and it's unfair. Valentine RAPED me! He took my option away from me and now I have a child growing inside me that's part of him. I'm part of him! It's just too much!

What will people think when they see I have a baby. Will they think I'm a hoe and a slut, just like Valentine called me? Will they be disgusted and avoid me? Will people hire me? Will I be able to provide for my baby in a town where we're shunned? Will I have to leave all of my memories of you, Luke, Maryse, and yes, even Jace, just so I can make sure my baby's okay? I would. I would do all of that for him/her in a heartbeat.

I don't want anyone to know who the dad is, even Jace. I couldn't live with it if they were mean to him/her because Valentine raped me. I don't want my child to have a bad life.

Knock knock

"Clary, dinner's done," Maryse says.

"I'll be down in a second, thank you," I reply.

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I do and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 8/11/18