The Devil's Assassin [Unedited, COMPLETE]

Chapter 19 - Dear Emily

I switch tex to taz. Just so you guys know.

Dear emily,

It's been a week since I opened to the idea of being with zander a 100%. Its hard at times, harder than i thought it was going to be.

I think about all the promises I made with you. All the dreams we had. A part of me still feels like I am betraying you, but I know that this is what you would of wanted however it doesn't make the pain go away.

I took zander to met yelena the other day. She definitely stole a piece of his heart, she already as him wrapped around her little finger. He knows she is our daughter because i haven't explained everything yet.

You would be so proud of the women yelena is shaping to be. She may look like me about she has more from you than of me like how you crinkled your nose when you laughed or how you saw the good in people if it there wasnt any to see.
She is starting to ask questions about me being her birth mother, who her birth father is and why she living with Cameron and Anne. I will tell her one day about everything though I don't think I will tell her about the deal or about any supernatural stuff ever I don't want her involved it this. Her heart is pure, beautiful like yours she deserves so much more then the darkness that consumes me. I won't let anyone or anything darken the light she has in her soul.

I failed you. I tried to keep you of being darken but it failed I watch the spark in our eyes slowly fade that why I fought so hard to free you. I was lucky to see the light grow in you again before you dead. I remember everday how i failed to protect you. I wont fail to protect someone i love again, even if i have to died to protect them.

On a side note I changed a man into a hybrid this week. You wont believe what his name was...Draco. I remember how you loved though harry potter books you used to read them to me non-stop, even made me read them to you while you were pregnant.
But don't you worry Taz has come with dozens of harry potter jokes. Just yesterday we went to the mall and a man bumped into draco at the food court taz screamed "wait until my father hears about this!". You would of loved it. You would of loved all the misfits in my group.

Zander is transitioning well. He has been working on his abilities very day. We have been working with the black cobras with there Casino troubles. We have a meeting with zanders men in their warehouse which should be fun.
Zander insist that I must disarm all my weapons before I enter into the warehouse do to a misunderstand I had with one of his father's men when we went to get zanders things, may or may not have shot him in the arm.

We are going for Sunday supper to his parents house so I can met his mother. He wants to tell them the truth about his brother. I'm not to sure how his parent will take to their so to be daughter in law being their sons murderer. It will be nice to see lily again I wonder how she will react.

Remember when we used to seek out of the camp into that cover field we would sit for hours and talk about the future and how things could be.

You never wanted anything to do with maifa or killing anything like that. I used to say that one day I would make it happen for you. And you told me that I could never change that part of myself because I was born this way.

The day I killed my mother I wanted to be broken, I wanted to be sad but I felt nothing no regret. I run into the cover field and laid down you follow me. I told you I was a monster and didn't deserve to live. I had cut up my wrists trying to feel something anything. You didn't say a thing you just sat with me in silence.
After a while you round onto your side leaning you head on you hand and your other hand on my chest. You looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes of yours and said I was trained to be this way, I was indeed a monster but if I could open my heart and learn that it was okay to feel I would be able to move mountains. You told be not to punish my self and made me promise never to harm myself like that again.
We shared our first kiss that night.
I will never forget how it felt how being with you felt.

I am afraid of losing myself again it's even harder now that I am now literally a monster with no soul. But I fight my demons daily for you, yelena, zander and even for myself. I know if I let the monster consume me there will be no turning back because the mountain wont move it will crumble.

I need to let go of the past in order to be happy. I can't let what happened darken my thought any longer. I have to move forward. So I guess I'm writing this letter in hope it will reach you in the heavens so you know that I will never stop fighting for my humanity and one day I promise I will be the person you believed I could be.

I would give the letter to Hermes but our last encounter ended with me throwing a fire ball towards him so safe to say I'm not his favorite person.

Please continue to watch over our daughter. I hope you find peace in knowing that she will be up there by your side one day. If only I could see you again but my soul is gone therefore I could never enter the heavens even though I wont get the chance to see you again I will never forget you my rose.

You will forever be my rose and i the thrones but together we were complete. Now it's time for me to let you go. You will never be replaced. the love I shared with zander can never compare to the love I shared with you but I have to try.

Sincerely yours Roxie.

I walk outside with the letter in hand. I walk down to a small pond in the back yard. I allowed my tears to fall. I look up at the night sky. The breathe slowly blowing. Crickets are singing their song and fireflies dance in the air. I stand there in silence for a while.

I feel hands wrap around my waist. Zander spins me around to look at him in the eyes. He see my tear stains on my cheek.

"I was in love once before. Her name was emily she was my light, my rose. I couldn't save her. I failed her I couldn't protect her. But I wouldn't allow myself to fail you." I say choking on my tears. He says nothing just pulls me closer.

I turn back around and allow my hand to grow fire burning the letter sending the ashes in the wind blowing them up to the heaven.

"Its not your job to protect me. It's mine to protect you. I will be be here for you always. You could never fail me. Your are my always"

He pulls me in for long soft kiss. Then we make our way up the hill to the house.

Roughly edited.
1315 words.