Losers' Club //Richie Tozier//

🎈86. 🎈

A/N: I want to give a warning. This chapter is very triggering and it might upset some people so please if you are sensitive please skip. The last thing I want to do is drag any unhappy emotions to readers. But there is people who feel like Cole and they need to know that they're not alone. (P.S. the song is amazing and I think it fits with the chapter perfectly.)

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There's a type of pain that's eating me from the inside out, killing me slowly. It's eating away the happiness and dreams that I once lived for and replacing them with sadness and pain.

My head is pounding harder and harder the longer I remain awake. Everytime I try to take in a deep breath it hurts a thousand times more. The best way to describe it is that someone is hitting me with a bag filled with heavy rocks. Just hitting me over and over.

My eyes burn like hell and I know why I just want the pain to go away. I haven't stopped crying for two days now and I thought that by this point the tears would stop because there's nothing to cry out anymore but no. They just keep falling. My eyes were blood red and I could hardly see anything from the constant blurriness.

Every bone structure in my face aches. It hurts to even take in a deep breath from my nose or mouth. My lips are chapped and dark purple bags are noticeable under my eyes, clinging on to me. My cheeks were a dark shade of red.

My body overall felt sore from being curled into a ball for days. I didn't sleep or move, let alone eat.

It just hit me all at once. Up to this point I was able to hold everything in. I was able to smile at the world and let out occasional laughs whenever something funny crossed my mind. That feels so long ago.

Everything felt different. The hot tears that ran down my face furiously were a constant reminder of my suffering and misery. They mocked me and made me feel so small. I didn't only feel physically weak but mentally too.

My life flashes in only black and white. No radiant colors or what's considered happy noises such as children laughing and singing birds. It was all gone In seconds and I can't find them even if I crawl to the ends of the earth.

"I can't do this anymore." I cried softly as I gripped fist fulls of my dull blue hair.

I really don't think I can. I really can't. My body is giving up on me and I don't have a say in it but maybe this is exactly what I want. I'm so lonely and I have no one.

Richie was my shoulder to cry on but he detests me and Isabelle... she betrayed me and for that I feel weaker and vulnerable, even more than before. A thousand thoughts swarmed in my head. I couldn't pin down one specific thought because it would slip away.

I walked back and forth in my room while trying to breath but it was impossible. Someone gripped my lungs and wouldn't let go, who can have so much power over me like this? I don't think I want to know.

I don't even know what I'm upset about. Is it Richie? It? The pressure? Isabelle? Or is it everything smashed together and I finally gave up? Maybe.

Never in a million years did I ever think that something could hurt so much. It hurts. Everything just hurts and I finally found my voice, I screamed in agony because everything was in pain. Every hair, every blood cell, every vein, every artery, it all screamed along with me.