Word Count: 1258
Finn had had an awful day, nothing too particular had gone wrong. But nothing had gone right. He had this irrational anxiety sitting in the pit of his stomach as he walked out of his house. School had just dragged on and he wasn't able to focus on the teacher, the work or even his friends during his breaks.
His hands were trembling and he felt like he was going to be sick. The worst part was that he didn't even know where it had come from, he'd just woken up feeling anxious. He left his house with the intention to just go for a walk and get some fresh air, after feeling like he was suffocating in his bedroom, but his feet carried him in the opposite direction he was planning on heading. His converse were untied and they falling apart, but they sufficed in short journeys such as this.
He'd only been walking for five or ten minutes when his trembling fist met a hard, wooden door. It opened to reveal a confused Caleb, unsure why Finn was at his front door. Nevertheless, he step aside leave space for him to walk in. "Hey." Finn breathed, walking in past the other boy.
"Hey?" Caleb questioned, his eyebrows raised as he shut the large door behind the two of them.
"Hey. I'm sorry, to you know, come over unannounced and all. I just..." He paused, he didn't even know what he was planning to say. Why was he here? His eyes darted around the room they were in, something in between a foyer of some sort and a living room. "I don't know. I just feel shit, I guess."
Caleb nodded, completely understanding where the restless boy was coming from, "all good, man. No one's home." He spoke nonchalantly as he exited the room and walked over to one of the couches in the lounge room, Finn following. Their footsteps were loud in Caleb's large, empty house. It seemed as though he was always home alone, Finn couldn't help but sympathize with how lonely he must feel. Caleb's house was one of the biggest in the neighborhood, Finn had no clue what his parents did but he could only assume they earned a lot of money and had to be away often. It may have been for this reason, or any other could still be possible, but regardless of the reasoning Caleb never spoke of his parents.
He sat next to Caleb on the sofa, shaking his leg as a force of habit. For a few minutes there was complete silence, except for the jiggling of Finn's leg. Caleb glanced at Finn before standing and coming back with a box, he placed it on the spotless glass coffee table in front of the white leather sofa, opening it to reveal something Finn didn't realize he needed until now, weed.
Caleb swiftly rolled a joint, something he'd gotten good at from all the experience. He lit it and took a brief drag, before handing it to Finn, "I think you need it more than I do, tonight."
Finn smiled, gratefully and took it from him before his shaking hands brought it to his lips, taking a long drag. His muscles relaxed just from the sensation of the smoke entering his lungs. At this point in time, there were a small number of things that were able to soothe his anxiety, even if it was temporary; and this was one of them. He handed it back to Caleb, "so, Finn. What's got you so worked up? You seemed fine at school." His voice was strained from the smoke his was blowing out of his mouth whilst he spoke.
He closed his eyes momentarily, trying to put the sentence together in his head, but failing. "I just... I don't know how to explain." He sighed, taking the burning stick from Caleb and inhaling it before continuing, voice unsteady, "there's been this build-up of anxiety in m-my chest, my stomach, my whole fucking body all day. And it's just been getting worse and worse, and then I just felt like I was going to tear my hair out and burst from the feeling. So I came here." His eyes were fixated on the joint between his fingers, watching the smoke lift into the air, filling the room with the smell of weed. "I just don't understand where it's coming from, both my parents are home which is a rarity. It looks as though my grades are finally getting better, and Millie and I made up the other day."
"You guys did?" Caleb questioned, exhaling smoke from the joint which Finn had handed to him moments earlier.
"Yeah." Finn sighed, already feeling less anxious. "Thank god, my grades would actually be fucked without her help," he briefly laughed a dry and cold chuckle.
"She's smart, that one," Caleb stated bluntly. He was really smart as well, he just didn't care much for school.
"Very. She's kind and beautiful as well."
"Oh my god," Caleb turned to face Finn, whose eyes were a shade redder, "you like her."
Finn's mouth fell open, amazed that Caleb could come to such a ridiculous conclusion, "you're insane, Caleb." He laughed, "she's great, but I do not like her any more than a friend."
"Sure," Caleb muttered, sarcastically as he put the joint out and dropped it in the tray he was using as an ashtray. "You keep telling yourself that, Wolfhard."
"She's just a friend, and that's all she ever will be. Even if I was interested - which I'm not - she is out of my league in more ways than one."
Caleb rolled his eyes, deciding that dropping the subject is the best option. "Yeah, just like Sadie is out of mine." His voice was quiet and he looked up at the roof, questioning how a girl like Sadie was interested in a guy like him.
"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" Finn asked, concern laced in every word.
"It's not that, she's just so perfect and precious. I'm terrified I'm going to mess this up and ruin her." He spoke quietly, his voice was almost inaudible and if Finn wasn't right beside him he wouldn't have heard.
"Sadie's a strong person, she's also loyal as hell. You just have to trust that she cares," Finn loved both Caleb and Sadie dearly, and he knew that Sadie was head over heels for Caleb.
"I don't doubt she's strong, she's honestly the most incredible person I've ever met," he laughed dryly.
"Well, Caleb, then quit this self-depreciating attitude and let her in. I know you're not one to trust many people, but she won't let you down and you just have to embrace what you've got before it disappears." Finn spoke slowly and clearly, the words leaving his mouth without him fully comprehending what he was saying. He was starting to really feel the effects of the weed they'd smoked, everything seemed slower than before.
"You're right, Finn." Caleb paused, "you should take your own advice."
Finn rolled his eyes, his attention drifting away from Caleb's words due to his inability to focus on one thing for too long, he couldn't help but contemplate Caleb's words. Was he right? Did he actually like Millie? Finn didn't think so, but no matter how hard he tried to ignore what Caleb had said, the words remained at the back of his brain, occasionally resurfacing and confusing him.
Maybe he did like her.
—
Not really proud of this tbh but whatever. I've been reading this amazing Goldfinch fanfiction by -boris HEARTATTACK and it's honestly incredible. I love the Goldfinch so much and I'm currently living off of this adaptation (I guess?) of it.
Also this book almost has 1k reads and I can't even comprehend that.
Much love xx
