solitude • kihyun

o n e

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as the morning came, she woke up and took a long hot shower. the only beneficial thing of being there was that apparently there was hot water and since she was alone she could used it all by herself. 

the morning was still clouded, the rain didn't stop. since 4 in the morning, it had been raining. sometimes stronger sometimes just a dew. but it definitely annoyed her but at the same time, calmed her. it was the only noise around, since she was completely alone. 

upon her arrival, she organized all the food she brought, worty at least 2 weeks, on the fridge, who magically worked just fine. and even though she prepared her morning coffee, she glanced at the food and felt not even a single desire to eat, just as it had been for the past 3 months. 

she walked carelessly towards the living room and slid the doors open. immediately the dim light filtered through the glass and lightened softly the room. she sat on the floor, staring at the lake through the glassy courtain. 

it was beautiful. she wished he was there, he'd have loved this view. she pictured him looking for his watercolors, or his old camera, trying to immortalize the precious moment. the water running free through the rocks, creating a unique iridescent tone that was lost in the stream. 

she smiled as the fresh thought of him invaded her mind. thinking about him was definitely bittersweet, depending on which thought it was.

like the time he spent a whole day taking pictures of her. at first she was annoyed but he excused his behavior saying he was trying this new concept of being a professional photographer. eventually, as usual, she gave in and even posed for one or two pictures.

it was a happy memory, but thinking about him being gone now, definitely turned him into a bitter one. 

she sighed as she turned around, avoiding the view of her own reflection in the glassy window, as the tears streamed as usual. but she was not avoiding herself, she was also avoiding the river's flow, that also reminded her of him. 

everything did. 

she shook her thoughts away and instead focused on the scaterred books that were on the coffee table. she knew there was lots of work to do and surely she didn't know where to start. she had been sent there to put everything away but she also had a personal mission. 

to know what really happened, and why. 

she crawled towards the scene and grabbed the first book she found. as she checked it, she noticed not only was old but the title read "on death and dying by elisabeth kübler-ross". 

examining the book and reading its sinopsis she realized it was a book about what the title said, basically about death.  it was called a seminar on death, life, and transition. and it said that dr. kübler-ross first explored the now-famous five stages of death: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. through sample interviews and conversations, she gave the reader a better understanding of how imminent death affects the patient, the professionals who serve that patient, and the patient's family, bringing hope to all who are involved.

her chest began to hurt as she pushed the book away. her eyes glancing around, realizing the titles of all the books. 

the still point of the turning world by emily rapp