do you remember...

12

'Why did my mum call him an animal? Why was she crying? Why is no one telling me anything?' I say now crying tears of frustration.

I was upset about the whole Amir situation, but that's not what made me cry. It's just what pushed me over the edge not being able to hold in my feelings anymore.

'Silver there are just somethings that are better when not mentioned.' Jordy holds me closer to him.

'I just feel so stupid all the time, not knowing what's going on. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone by not being the person they know.' That was true, but it still wasn't what I was holding in deep down.

He moved me away from his body so I could face him. I looked down, unable to face him after the selfish thoughts I'd just said out loud.

'Look at me,' he says now more sternly this time, 'it's impossible for you to ever disappoint us because we all care about you, and don't you ever call yourself stupid again. You are one of the smartest and wisest people I know, and yes, you're going through a rough time, but I know you Silver. This will pass, and you will get everything back, and you'll realise that this is just another one of your crazy adventures and it all happened for a reason.' He says now holding me so tightly it slightly hurts but the feeling is instantly over taken by the pleasure of having his hands on me.

'How can you be so sure?' I say my voice so quiet I'm not even sure he hears me.

'Because it's what you would've said, and I trust you more than I trust myself.'

'What if this is it? This might be my life and I won't get a second chance.' I say more tears spilling out of my eyes silently.

'You're here aren't you? That's all that matters.' He said with sad eyes.

'I'm not her though. I see the way you look at me sometimes, like you've got all the hope in the world.'

'Silver-'

'It's okay. I don't mind, it's just hard with all these feelings and the thought that-'

'What feelings?' He asks softly encouraging me to tell him.

'I don't know. I find myself missing you when you aren't there, which isn't often since we seem to be glued together.' I laugh to try lighten up the mood. 'And when I am with you I just want you to hold me. And when you are holding me I have to fight off every urge to kiss you, and it kills me every time.'

He looks down at his lap clearly mentally battling with himself about what to do.

He leans in close to my face and kisses my cheek where a tear once lay.

He then kisses the corner of my mouth leaving butterflies in my stomach.

After what felt like too long our lips softly brushed against each other, pressingly lightly, trying to savour the moment and remember what he felt like against me.

I have to force myself to push back. 'But I know it kills you too, because I can't be her for you.'

'We said we wouldn't talk about it,' he closed his eyes. 'I told you we were just friends.' He tries to convince himself.

'I know what you said, but it doesn't take a genius to figure it out Jordy.' I put my hand on his arm with a sad smile trying to stay strong for him. 'You were in love with her, and you still are.'

'Love is a very strong word.' He looks up at me.

I'm lost for words when I see his ocean eyes shining with tears, threatening to spill out of his eyes.