Forbidden Love .

21_ a father advice

Alex P. O. V

I screwed up and a big time.

I hate being mad and this time I hated more because I got it all out on lills.

And that just made me hate myself more.

If I doubted her that means I doubted myself. I was consumed by jealousy and I hunted her.

Now I just wanna hurt myself for hating her.

Normal people at my age drink so they can forget their pain, I couldn't even do that.  How sad my life is.

I was now in front our pool,  that I just wanted to sink in there,  maybe I'll wash all the pain and the guilt.

A voice distract me from my stupid thoughts.

" Yo, mommy.  " , oh my god dad and his weird greetings. 

" hey, dad.  You know normal people greet like that.  "

" Yeah, yeah.  Don't be sarcastic on me now.  "

He made himself comfortable near me. I rarely had this meets with my dad when we talk we laugh and we bond.  But when we do it's the greatest moments in my life.

He gave a long deep look with his piercing blue eyes.  And I knew we were gonna have same deep conversation.

" Son, are you okay ? . "

I chuckled dodging his question with a smile and made it as a joke.

" I'm okay dad . "

" so let me ask again.  Alexander,  are you okay ?. "

And this time I knew there was no escape,  he was really worried and I cursed myself for making him feel like this. 

" I don't know dad.  "

But this answer wasn't enough. For him or for me.  I don't know how am I?  , I don't know what to do ? , I don't know how to survive this?.

This was meant as a whishpers to my self but somehow my dad heard them,  I saw it in his eyes.

" I'm scared,  dad. "

I'm scared to lose her, I'm scared to lose myself in her love.

" Listen,  Alex these days you became distant from me and your mother too and we are scared of you too,  we want our son back. "

Now I hated my self more for making them feel like they lost me,  I bet they think they weren't good enough parents so I'm like this.

I'm in pain but everyone around me is hurting.

" Dad,  I'm sorry for being like that.  I promise you I'm gonna get it together and I'll be better.  "

" No , Alex.  no you won't get it together and you won't be better. Because you and I both know that you are just lying not to us but to yourself. Alex, if you can't believe what you're saying how do you except people to believe you?.  "

He was right, I was feeding my self and everyone around me lies.  And the worse thing that I started to believe them.

I was to hug my dad and cry my heart out but god that sounded so girlish  , dad will beat the shot out of me if I did this.

But the feeling doesn't compare between boys and girls.

" Listen,  Alex what you're feeling believe I know, Heart break is disease without medication.  It's a killer disease,  but it's up to you now.  Do you wanna give up and die or you wanna fight and erase this sickness.  "

I thoughts he was just using metaphor but he was waiting for my answer.

" I wanna fight till I'm sober from this disease.  "

" every relationship is hard but now you think that yours is impossible but it's not,  it's really not.  You are just lost and don't where is your direction and as dad it's my duty to show you your way. "

And I thought here is the moments he is gonna give me a choice that I'll never be able to solve.

" I'm not gonna make you choose between us and her Alex,  because it's too cruel I know that she is important to you so we are.  We are your family but she is nothing less.  We gave you life but she gave you a purpose,  I understand everything Alex and I can see your love.  So today I'm putting at the beginning of the road and telling you that no matter what way you choose you are still gonna be my boy. No matter what you choose I'll love you forever, so choose what's right. "

If people heard my dad they would think he is making me choose but I know better.

He already told me what to do , he is just waiting for me to understand it and I did.

I gave him a smile telling him that I got it and I will be better now.

Several minutes passed and we are just sitting here,  the silence was so comforting and with dad being here made me feel safe.

" So holidays are coming. "

There is only one week left for winter holidays.  I don't how I'm Gonna survive not seeing lills for two straight weeks .

After our last conversation there was more pain than ever and this time she wasn't just heartbroken she felt betrayed .

" so use son. Use this holidays for your benefit, make it a holiday to remember,  change your life this time"

For a minute I felt like my dad already choose for what to do like this all conversation was planned.

" dad,  do you think mom will be okay with my choice ? . "

" Son,  where do you think your old man is getting such a great ideas  , from his gorgeous woman of course. " ,he paused a little seeing my confused face.

" Yes Alex,  you're mom is fine with whatever you want ."

He gave me  a brief and reassuring smile like he was telling me that everything will be okay you just be happy. 

I've never felt so grateful like this moment.  I got such supportive and selfless family,  the best friends ever. I just need to claim my love.

Dad was right I'll make this holiday to remember, this time I'll change my life.

It's time to save my relationship.

It's time to save my love.

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Hey you guys I'm back with another chapter I hope u will like this one and it's not so confusing.

This one is a bit short I hope u will forgive for that.

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