The One You Can't Forget (The One, #1)

twenty-two

Hainsey

I'm a damned fool.

That's all I can think as I pull away to catch my breath and stop my head from spinning uncontrollably. It's the last thing I want to do, but it's something I need to do because I'm scared if I don't stop the kiss, I'm going to lose every bit of self-control I have.

I'm a damned fool because I never realized how much I wanted Ems. Since the moment I saw her, my emotions have been pulling me back and forth – I want her, then I don't want her, when the truth is I want all of her. So much.

Only there are two problems instead of one now. First of all, I still haven't told her about my mom. How the hell do I even bring that up? Second of all, she's going to be leaving when summer ends. Leaving me again. How am I supposed to deal with that?

"Hains?" she asks.

I look up and see the disappointment. It hurts that she's hurting, but I'm facing reality. Yeah, I want her more than ever, but what the hell is the point when she's going to slip between my fingers again? I mentally shake my head. It was bad enough when she left five years ago and something tells me this time is going to be a helluva lot worse if we go through with this.

Goddammit. Why did I give in and spill my guts? Why did I kiss her?

Her hands are still resting on my arms. I suddenly can't handle the fiery feeling she leaves behind on my skin. I can't handle her being close and acting so vulnerable. I can't find the words. I turn around, my legs filled with weights that make me feel like I'm walking underwater, and head for the front door. I need some air in order to clear my head. All the air in the cabin gives me is the scent of her perfume.

So I unlock the door and step outside.

It's fucking freezing, but it wakes me up – thank God. I need to be able to think straight if I'm going to figure this out.

I lean against the rotting wood of the railing that outlines the small front deck, keeping my back to Ems. I can't look at her anymore. It's too hard. I hear her, though, as her feet make soft thumps against the floorboards while she follows me. She stops just behind me.

"Hains," she says softly. "You're the main reason I came back. Yeah, I'm going to university in the fall. But I swear to you, to this fucked-up world, up, down, left, and right, that I am never going to leave you again."

I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe in the scent of alpine air. She's making promises she can't keep. Wherever she's going for university, the guys there are going to be all over her. And maybe, just maybe, she'll realize that I was never the better choice for her.

"I mean it, Hains," she continues. "It's you and me. For better or worse. Always. I haven't stopped thinking about what would have been if I'd stayed."

I snort. "Ems. We were fourteen – what could have happened? We were way too young to date."

"How can you say that?" she asks, sounding exasperated. "You don't know what could have happened and neither do I."