The One You Can't Forget (The One, #1)

forty-three

Hainsey

One rule that was set between my mother and I when this whole fiasco started is that she never enters my bedroom. It is one of the few places in this house I call home where I can be alone and escape from reality. She agreed in a heartbeat when we had the conversation, so it's a big surprise when she enters my bedroom at around 11:30 p.m., waking me with a jolt.

For some reason, the first thing I notice is the rain pounding against my bedroom window. I don't know why – maybe because it's the only thing that seems normal about this moment?

When the sleep wears off, the next thing I notice is my mom. First of all, she's crying. The next things I notice are how badly she's sweating, shaking, and looking around the room like she's next in line for a speech in front of thousands of people.

"Mom?" I ask, rubbing my eyes. "What's going on?"

"Hainsey," my mom replies, sounding extremely agitated. "I need more. Please. You have to help me."

I frown, wondering why the hell she's coming to me. That supply was supposed to last her until tomorrow. I made all the proper calculations and everything. How could she be – oh shit. I quickly look my mom over, scared that these are the signs of an overdose. I inspect her closely, and come to the conclusion she's suffering from withdrawal. If she were suffering from an overdose, she'd have bluish nails or lips, pinpoint pupils, extreme drowsiness, some sort of disorientation, and a weak pulse. She's basically showing the exact opposite.

Feeling a little more than pissed off at my mom, I get out of bed and grab a hoodie from my closet. "I'll call," I say. It kills me to say that, but I've seen what my mom is like when she's going through withdrawal, and I really don't want to spend the night trying to keep her warm and then cool her down, all while cleaning up vomit from the hardwood floor.

Mom breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

I suppress an exaggerated eye roll. She doesn't actually mean that. When someone is addicted to a drug like heroin, there's only the drug and themselves. That's just how it is in an addict's fucked-up mind.

When my mom leaves my bedroom, I dial the number immediately. I've never taken the time to get to know the drug dealer's name, but it doesn't matter because his voice is recognizable in every way. He sounds gruff and mean and almost as if he smokes a pack or two every day.

It's late – even late for me to be calling – but he doesn't seem to mind. Guess the money overpowers any sleeping schedules. Suffice to say, the call goes fine (as usual).

As soon as I hang up the phone, I glance out my window at Ems's house. All the lights are off and it appears to be as dormant as a thousand-year-old volcano. I bite my lip as I battle it out with my conscience. I know I promised Ems I would bring her with me from now on, but I'm terrified of what will happen if they see her.

I reach up and rub my temples as scene after scene plays out in my mind. It's fucking torture, the things I can imagine in my stupid mind. What happens if they take her because she's a liability? I'd lose my shit if they laid a finger on her.

My mind eventually persuades me. It's late and Ems was just as tired as I was – there's no way she's going to be able to see my headlights if she's sleeping. Along with that thought, I also promise myself that this will be the last time I go alone. Emyln isn't coming with me tonight, but she will next time. I'll somehow make it safer and not as sudden. There are hundreds of possibilities, such as doing the exchange during the day or planning days ahead. 

I mentally apologize to my girlfriend as I round up my wallet and truck keys. 

What I'm doing is wrong on so many levels. I have never given Ems a reason to question her trust in me and I'm doing exactly that right now. But the thing is, I would never forgive myself if something happened to her. This is some sketchy shit I'm dealing with – all variables are independent in this situation, so there's no telling what could happen.

One thing I'm certain of is that I don't want to put her in any type of danger. So if I have to bend my promise in order to keep my mom satisfied, then so be it.